Below Deck Mediterranean S6:E12 Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls Recap

Well well well, we meet here again at Below Deck Mediterranean in Croatia mid-COVID. How was your week? How is your country doing, by the by? Mine’s in the middle of a last-minute election battle and being hit from all sides by a COVID fourth wave! Enough real life stuff, let’s watch millionaires pretend to be billionaires while drunk crew made poor life choices! Rolling into my recap of Below Deck Med S6:E12 Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls after the break!

We’re back where we left off last week, with chief steward Katie Flood riding the struggle bus all the way to possibly firing new fourth steward Delaney Evans. I’m preeeeetttty sure she’s not going to do that, because I saw Delaney in the preview for tonight’s episode, kissing deckhand David Pascoe right before he biffed super hard.

ANYWAY, Bravo is going to drag this out as long as possible. Katie is super terrible at making unpopular decisions, it’s her one major weakness as a boss. The main reason she wants to fire Delaney has nothing to do with Delaney, it’s because every other crew member will have to move cabins to accommodate her. Delaney keeps interrupting Katie with solutions, which Katie does not want to hear, thankyouverymuch. She gently suggests that maybe Delaney will not be with them after charter.

Now. We all know the reason Katie needed extra help and Delaney was even brought on board was that steward Lexi Wilson was doing jackshite. Here are she and Delaney working in the laundry room:

And more of Lexi and Delaney working together in the laundry room.

The really tough but correct decision would have been to fire Lexi, not Delaney, she’s been the problem from the beginning. Then nobody would have to move cabins, either, Katie.

Chef Mat Shea and I feel the exact same way about that, I hate it when we agree on something. Okay fine, Katie definitely fires DelanEy but Delaney is going to party with them tonight so maybe that’s why we see her in the previews.

It’s the last day of charter and the guests are sleeping in allllll morning. Bosun Malia White wonders if the guests are going to want water toys, deckhand Lloyd Spencer guesses guests Halie Porter, Niki Wiley, Kristol Yeager, Sarah Hyden, Andrea Coughtry, Danielle Stratton, Ashley Brown and Bailey Hancock are not going to want to jetski before docking.

Wow, Minister Danielle is up and at’em early, she’s super aggressive in a “fun” way.

The deck crew pulls anchor and heads in, Captain Sandy Yawn understands her chief steward’s crappy management. Delaney gets to work on deck, which is where all of her experience has been before this charter.

Malia gets frustrated very quickly when Delaney doesn’t get the starboard heaving line across on her first attempt.

She makes it on the second try, which is still better than Rob from RobAndJess.

This was a bad docking all around, a rudder alarm goes off right after things are secured. That means something could be wrapped around the rudder and a deckie is going to have to check right skippy.

The guests did NOT want to play in the water, they spent their remaining time getting cute and eating breakfast and that sounds AWESOME.

All too soon it’s time for guest departure (SEE YA), the crew lines up on the dock for hugs and a biiiiig faaat tip. We hope.

It’s super fast, we know the ladies were happy with the exception of the one who hated Mat’s food; let’s see how that shakes out in the Tip Meeting. I will guess….$18,000 based on…Danielle in the fireman’s suit.

Ooooh I was so close, $17,000 USD, $1300 each woooo! Deckhand Mzi ‘Zee” Dempers is happy with that, I’m sure someone will complain about having to split it with Delaney. Oh and he does right after, even though it should be LEXI he’s mad at.

The owner of the superyacht is sending everyone for a day off to party, Delaney gets to come too!

Steward Courtney Veale shows Captain Sandy how to twerk because of course she does.

It’s hard! You try it!

Courtney and Zee flirt about partying tonight, he liiiiiikes her and she…makes out with him while drunk, so.

There’s weird tension between Lexi and Mat, too, but not of the flirty variety any more. More like she hates him enough to add him to her Burn Book and he likes to get drunk and make rude comments about her.

The stews work hard at turning over the boat and shittalking Mat while Malia suits up to check the rudder and propeller. It looked like a small mistake, the missed throwing of the heaving lines, but it made Captain Sandy have to keep walking a 900 tonne vessel over to starboard which may have made the rudder catch on a ground line.

*I have zero idea what most of that means but it sounds…bad?

The rudder and propeller are all good, Malia’s just glad she gets to dive every once in awhile.

Everyone gets fancy for a night out, this is a gorgeous gang of young people! Lexi is particularly beautiful, too bad about *gestures in her direction* everything.

No time is wasted at dinner, Delaney bonds with Mat instantly, she also believes in non-monogamy and sex parties, surprising David.

I mean, this is before Mat’s had his bottle of rosé, it can only go downhill from here with encouragement.

It’s okay so far, everyone’s drunk and everyone loves everyone, aww. David gets pushed into making a speech and it’s lovely, why am I so TENSE??

Ah because David’s talking about Mat, Lexi takes the opportunity to loudly shittalk Mat, who hears.

Okay whew, nothing yet but new shite brewing with Delaney and Malia, who’s decided to talk to Delaney about her resume while they’re all drinking. All props to Delaney, people are being hella rude and she’s handling it with class.

Wooooo Zee is drunk enough to dance and Courtney is READY!

It’s terrible, even Coco is confused.

Hot tub time!!

Everyone but Lexi gets into swimsuits and has an awesome time in the hot tub, David grinding on a mostly disinterested Delaney, then turning and

Bouncing his head off the shelving on the side of the boat. That was a full on hard biff and it is going to hurt like hell tomorrow. I would gif it but I can’t even watch it.

He struggles around slowly after, that was a terrible, terrible fall and I would be surprised if he wasn’t black and blue tomorrow.

Katie’s best friend is about to give birth, Katie drunkenly leaves her a message then cries to her mum who tries to calm her down. Yachting does restrict parts of your life, sure, but so does every job. You think I can fly home right now to watch someone give birth? Nope.

Wait. I am home. Who’s pregnant?

Lexi and Mat get into a fight in the crew mess but Zee jumps in and it mostly fizzles out. Delaney brought cheetah onesies, she’s got to get pictures before she leaves!

Lloyd and I:

Courtney can’t take the body-oddy-oddy and starts twerking her tiny junk under a giant t-shirt and trying to imitate the airplane game with Zee, girl, stop.

Then she puts on a onesie too.

David plays around with Delaney, playing the airplane game then getting dumped on his side WHEN HE BOUNCED HIS WHOLE BODY OFF A SHELF just an hour earlier. Jaysus.

He tries to get Delaney to provide some first aid at 2 am, but she’s not having it.

Davis wakes up with a huge bruise on the front and back of his leg. Lexi doesn’t wake up at all, skipping the 9 am call for water sports.

Malia is shocked when she sees David’s leg. Is he alright? No! He’s not alright! Later on, Zee floats a doctor seeing David’s leg but Malia pooh poohs: a doctor for a bruise??

The water sports looks fun! Less fun is Zee ordering a dozen roses for Courtney when she thinks they’re just mates.

Lloyd knows both sides now and he’s feeling pretty bad for his mate Zee.

Then Zee falls down for no reason and maybe everyone needs to think about their alcohol vs water intake.

The whole crew heads off to the water falls, where four seasons ago Malia made out with a psychotic chef whom I hate and shall not summon forth by invoking his name. I just remember there being an old guy in a Speedo, that’s what I remember about the Falls!

Their guide is awesome, he has a backpack full of booze and holy shite, I’ve just realised now the crew is the entitled wealthy gang and they have their own helper with a heavy backpack full of liquor on a hot day in the middle of a Croatian summer. Of course he’s smiling, they smile when they deal with demanding drunk jerks too!

Now we’re having an afternoon picnic at a restaurant and unfortunately: Lexi and Mat are sitting across from each other with all that alcohol between them.

Mat starts the fight by saying Delaney should stay and Lexi should be fired (true), Courtney tries to heading things off with a quick STFU but Mat and Lexi have things to say, y’all!

David and Malia both try to get either combatant to move, but Mat and Lexi are entrenched now, we’re going to have to see this through.

They argue about who is the worst person they’ve ever met, that’s both of them! Mat finally moves but that just engages the rest of the table in their drama.

A short pause and Malia tries to get everyone interested in the local cats without luck. They leave the picnic area, Zee falls on his head just trying to tie his shoes.

Oh man. That wasn’t even dinner. Lexi and David fall asleep on the cab on the way to dinner, Lexi is impossible to wake even though Delaney tries. Somehow all the girls for dressed in fancy dresses at some point? Except for Lexi, who is still in a shortall and bad hat.

They let her sleep for 2 hours and fifteen minutes in the van, TWO HOURS. Hahahaha that’s how much they hate her! She slept all morning then slept for an extra two hours in the afternoon.

The flowers show up during dinner, right after Lexi showed up. Then Zee falls on the ground again and he’s going to be in a world of hurt tomorrow.

Mat keeps goading and goading Lexi until she uses the ‘r’ word and he says she has bad parents. She goes nuclear, his parents should have aborted him and why am I repeating any of this? Drunk kids under stress on camera and thoroughly soggy with shots. I wish for healing for both of you and honestly, both of you, STFU. Y’all need Jesus and I don’t even roll like that.

Until next time, everyone, but I don’t honestly know when that will be. I may have an issue with my Bravo subscription, so to speak, so I will see you when I see you and I appreciate every single one of you. Cheers.