Below Deck S10:E01 Love Never Lasts At The Beach Recap

And we’re back Below Deck with Captain Lee Rosbach! I know! This is late in the season but we’re going to bring it home if only for Greg that I work with who watches this with his wife. Wooooo! Let’s roll into my recap of Below Deck S10:E01 Love Never Lasts At The Beach after the break!

So we’ve got a couple of things to note right away, Captain Lee Rosbach is back as advertised but now we’re in St. Lucia and on a massive 197-foot boat called the St. David!

Who else is returning? Hello Fraser Olender! Now you’re in charge woooo! Welcome back chief steward Fraser!

Also Rachel Hargrove! Our ‘mercenary chef’ who should just not drink. Some people can’t.

I don’t know anyone else, but here they are!

‘Work hard / play hard’ and original thinker bosun Ross McHarg:

Attention-seeking steward Alissa Humber:

Small town Mississippi gal steward Camille Lamb who loves to twerk:

‘Yachting is like Neverland’ says deckhand Ben Willoughby:

Ah we’ve got another female deckhand determined to prove she’s the biggest dude on deck, welcome Katie Glaser:

Whatever doesn’t fit in a backpack doesn’t fit in Luis Antonio “Tony” Duarte’s life, he says:

I’m afraid I already strongly dislike Hayley De Sola Pinto but also am 100% aware she would not care. She ate a cake from the top without a fork like a two year old! I’m going to try to keep an open mind.

Camille looks like a problem, given the previews, but it’s hard to tell! They’re always deliberately misleading!

Fraser arrives first, only Captain Lee is aboard this gorgeous huge superyacht so we get a boat tour. Fraser looks at the resumes of his crew, Camille is a deckstew so that will be fun.

Rachel is next to see her ‘boat daddy’, I love how she makes herself laugh. Then we have Ross, then we see the GALLEY! It’s huge! Rachel has her own cabin!!

Ross…is confusing. He tells us he likes to keep to himself and would never introduce himself thusly:

But…does that mean he DOES or does NOT like group sex? Where does this fall in the tactical chess game he’s talking about??

Alissa rolls up in cowboy boots, she’s there to make as much f****ng money as possible! And also find rich people to mooch and live off of, so she’s got that going for her.

Hayley is a lot already, Ben’s right behind her so maybe it will mellow out a bit. Captain Lee pouts about his non-swiveling Captain’s chair while the rest of the deck crew arrives and by that I mean Katie and Tony.

Camille is the very last to arrive, she’s irritating already.

Captain Lee calls everyone up for a staff meeting, Fraser is to bring him a coffee but he hasn’t quite found the coffee pots…

Captain Lee has had the same two rules as long as he has been captain, lo these 37 years:

  1. Don’t embarrass yourself
  2. Don’t embarrass the boat

He’s physically incapacitated on his left side, he had back surgery that left him with nerve problems. I shall stop making fun of his worry about lack of swiveling on his captain’s chair now, my bad.

Fraser likes Alissa’s polished work and Hayley’s enthusiasm, sure! Provisions are here! In 90 degree heat. This huge boat is going to be extra challenging for Rachel with her walk-in cooler, freezer and pantry two decks down from the galley. That means a lot of planning!

I don’t understand why everyone is working in this heat with their hair down. Tie that up! There’s no guests yet! We’re going to see you puke on yourself in three and a half days, we don’t care what you look like! Be comfortable.

We get a little of Katie’s backstory, she’s from Cincinnati and previously worked a lot of day charters in bikinis.

Yay, our first Preference Sheet Meeting! Who’s our first charter??

Our Primary Charter Guest is Peng Lim, a tax professional. A tax professional. Sounds like a BLAST! His best friends are coming to celebrate his birthday, including Ashley Quai with all her boobs out and a bunch of guys that want a male stripper for Peng for his birthday. And someone leaping out of a giant birthday cake, go!

The stews mix and mingle while fluffing pillows, Camille’s mom told her that love never lasts at the beach. She thinks that has to do with tanning and hotness but you and I know about sandcrabs.

The crew breaks for supper and continues getting to know each other, Hayley is an aesthetician as well, she does Botox and something else. Fraser just had Botox and Rachel heard you can get it in your balls!

This is like the first day of Kindergarten only everyone is the loud obnoxious kid pushing jellybeans up their nose and eating paste.

Fraser is up until 3 am alone working on putting things away, they’re in so much trouble if they’re expecting to take on a charter in 9 hours.

Tony is from Costa Rica, he loves adventure and knows very, very little about yachting.

Fraser was flipping out the night before so he made up responsibility lists for everyone; he’s so organized. Love it! He makes Alissa his second, leaving the other two to fight for third.

Alissa calls on her Triangle of Importance:

Camille gets called to the deck crew so they can give her a briefing, she loves being out on deck. Sunglasses and CocaCola, yep, she wouldn’t even carry her own bag on board, she’s going to be a super hard worker on deck. Wearing sunglasses and drinking CocaCola.

Camille is already giving Alissa attitude, this is not going to go well.

One hour to guest arrival, time to change into dress whites! Woooo and before we know it, they’re HERE! Welcome Primary Peng and friends!

First official boat tour!! It goes great until there is urine all over the bathroom and no soap to speak of. Fraser is mortified.

Alissa and Camille fight over whether or not Alissa wants side plates, just tell her, Alissa! Jaysus.

First de-docking in the St. David! Captain Lee directs the deck team to a super smooth start to the voyage until Primary Peng knocks over a flower arrangement.

Tony asks Captain Lee about how he got where he is, Captain Lee digs Tony’s huge smile and willingness to learn.

Ben and Camille flirt in the crew mess, trying to recreate the Titanic love scene on the bow but yuck.

The guests are loooooaaaded and lunch is late; drunk turns into cranky super fast. Quai flashes her boobs because apparently Bravo is now Skinemax.

Lunch is an hour late, everyone about RUNS to the table for snackies. Primary Peng keeps knocking things over because someone keeps giving him spicy margs.

More conflict between Alissa and Camille, but not based on anything…Camille has already started the If I Were Second Stew mantra, so we’ll see how long it takes for things to get nasty.

Drunken guests wander drunkenly.

Wait! All these gay men were previously Mormon! I will tell you, that is a real thing and no joke. I mean, it’s also funny.

The boat shifts and rolls in the trade winds off St. Lucia, suddenly there is a lot of glass all over the galley and Rachel is going to be late for dinner service too. She just hasn’t figured out her timing yet, she’s an hour late already and soooooo slooooww getting courses out.

This is a really big boat though.

The dancers arrive to put on the show, I thought they needed a young dude solo sans pants. We’ve got two women and one guy, I have no idea how that will go over with our extremely drunk guests. Primary Peng is already doing his level best to not throw up.

Why is Rachel taking so long between courses, this is bonkers! She finally gets the main course ready and half the guests have left the table already to get ready for the rave.

They like the dessert anyway! It looks like half a lemon but it’s all edible and it’s cool!

I’m shocked that Primary Peng is awake and lucid through the whole rave! Good job, Primary Peng!!

Camille and Alissa are on late shift together, it’s going very poorly. We end with a season preview, why am I crying over Captain Lee almost falling down and saying his body is failing??

Until next time, y’all. Peace.