Below Deck S4:E13 The B*tch is Back Recap


Hi guys, how is everyone doing? Below Deck looks angry this week, and I’m slightly confused after last time, so let’s see how everything shakes out. I was just getting used to HappyKate, looks like we’re back to awesome super-villain Kate. You know, as long as there’s a Kate: I’m happy. Rolling The B*tch is Back after the break

Lots happened last time but not all of it made sense to me. Kelley messed up AGAIN and lost some of his authority; I don’t understand how Captain Lee thinks Nico is ready to be Senior DeckHand. Perhaps Nico showed a lot of initiative off-camera and we just saw these parts


And if you think Kelley’s judgement is shite, why keep him as Bosun? I miss Eddie. He was going through a rough patch last season, so I’m not surprised he isn’t back, but he seemed waaaayyyy more capable and even-keeled.

I don’t get why Emily went from saying she didn’t want to get serious with Ben to having a slumber party in a hotel room, all within one breath. We all know Ben has mad ladykiller skills, but everyone usually has to be intoxicated and she’d barely touched her warm champagne.

We open with funky Caribbean music and Kate talking to Ro. Chief Stew Kate is pissed that her crew has given up. I also saw almost all of Kate’s bewb, thanks to the creepy Bravo cameraperson zoom-in, what’s up, lady? Talk about slackadaisical.

Ro’s not being properly supportive, just like Kate’s tank top.

Kelley’s still pouting about his sorta-demotion while making up the crew roster. Working is haaaard! I shouldn’t make fun, I don’t have a job.

Bemily make it back to the boat, what was that about swinging d*cks, Captain Lee?


Someone call Maria’s and see if they can send over his ginch! He interviews (with arms crossed) that it was nice to get “more comfortable” with each other and I don’t know, being facedown in someone’s privates can really go either way: more comfortable, or much less so. That’s all we’re getting from Ben!

Senior DeckHand Nico and Kyle talk about Ashley while cleaning. She took the dating Sierra thing quite well! Nico’s just shocked Kyle even told her, grrrr, but Kyle’s in the truth business now and goodonya. Except for the part where you lost your mind about Sierra having a manfriend back home while you had a ladyfriend back home. Nico calls Sierra a “different breed” and what the hell is she doing here? She keeps doing it!


Preference Sheet Meeting! Last Charter! It’s a group of former models; Dawn Gallagher is the Primary (yay! love it when there’s a lady Primary); other guests include Nancy Donahue, Britanny Harris and some other names I couldn’t catch. Kate thinks there’s a lot of potential for Kelley, he once dated a 42-year-old when he was 26.


Kate is sad; it’s their last charter! Captain Lee was done four charters ago, so he walks out rudely. Dial it back, Skinny Kenny Rogers, people have pretend feelings! Everyone looks at Kelley: WHAT DID YOU DO??

The stews prepare the beds, the deck crew scrubs the deck and all is as it ever was on Below Deck. Captain Lee is taking the proactive approach with the crew, taking them aside separately and priming them for the trip. Kelley asks if he should just put out all the toys and you can actually see the captain count to ten in his head before answering. WHY WOULD WE PUT OUT ALL THE TOYS IF THEY AREN’T GOING TO USE ALL THE TOYS, KELLEY??? WHY WOULD WE DO THAT??

Instead, he suggests that Kelley “guide” (not manipulate) the guests into using what the crew wants them to use, the fact that he has to spell it out to Kelley makes me very sad for Kelley’s management career. If you don’t know how to lead guest satisfaction in the most efficient way possible: I don’t even know if that can be taught. Some guests like Dean Slover will want to decide exactly what happens aship, but most want direction. Honestly.

Captain Lee recommends following Kate’s playbook, which involves steering the guests towards the positive and away from what they don’t have; Nico calls that manipulation. I call that sales / customer service, so shaddup Senior DeckHand.

Also: Nico has “manipulate” mixed up with “gaslighting” but he’s kind of a moron. Causing someone to believe something untrue is the latter, not the former.

Kate’s reaaaalllly not happy with how Sierra and Emily are stewing, but I think she just might be over-reacting. Every time she says something like “I can trust you to do the beds, right?” it just makes the stews slower, because they’re trying to figure out what they’re doing wrong.

In the pre-charter stew meeting, Kate hammers on about keeping your radio on and near you (sideeye Emily), always dry dishes instead of letting them drain. Emily and Sierra are confused at the bad feedback – see above.

Emily’s in the pantry getting a massage from Ben instead of answering her radio and Lauren’s wandering around without hers, so Kelley and Kate are frustrated. The Captain is listening, folks!

Side note: I have always felt fairly neutral about Lauren, but watching the montage on her gossiping about staff whenever possible and all the annoying drunken behaviour has pushed me into the side of thinking she’s Typical.

Emily FINALLY hears Kate’s radio calls, someone must have told her because her radio is upstairs. Kate sends her to get it; never be without your radio! She does it funnier than that, though, because she’s Kate.

Nico finds Lauren’s radio and busts her chops about it before handing it over; Lauren interviews that she just doesn’t care. Last charter.

Getting ready time! Did you know there was a Getting Ready Face? Me either, but Kyle thinks Kate has it nailed


Kelley gets some great advice on how to avoid using the pool; just say that they have it, but it’s really for babies and old people. That’s perfect! For the record: I want that Critter Free pool for Christmas because I love it more than cheese. In the ocean but nothing can touch me? SOLD. I don’t care if it’s for old people or babies!

Charter time! Dawn Gallagher and the team seem very friendly and excited to be there! Former models everywhere! Time for the boat tour

Nico calls the ladies “woooo! ers” and I think we’re gonna need Vicky Gulvalson to do this properly


The guests brought a photographer with them for a shoot, wow, that’s RIGHT after getting aship, I’d take a champers break first, right? Probably a long trip? Anyway, rolling!

Kate is so annoyed; the guests are so happy.

Kelley and Nico go to do the Toy Talk, the ladies want to know what KIND of toys? So much blushing from the deck crew and then we’re past the pool talk and Kelley’s internally high-fiving while the ladies say they’ll play with anything he puts out. All the cackling after, while the boys run, makes me laugh.

Sierra’s lost her radio (named Misty). Kate finds it in a guest bedroom and literally ties to to Sierra. What? Sierra is similarly shocked at being treated like a toddler and removes the string, to be followed by Kate so it can be re-attached. How far is Kate going to take this? Far enough that she brings it downstairs for Sierra, whom I bet loses it again.

Kate saying that brains and beauty is a hard combo to find and “Sierra’s just really pretty. So pretty” made me laugh loud again. I’m guessing Kate and Ro aren’t getting along, she hasn’t been that wickedly shady for ages. She’s still bitching about Bemily.

Dawn Gallagher explains what the Good Life Gals are about: mentorship, support, not that cattiness and backbiting that she thinks characterizes most female get-togethers. I understand what she’s saying, but I think you also need to need room for dissenting opinion, otherwise you end up with an echo chamber and people stifling what they actually think. Because rumour has it; people with vaginas have different opinions than other people with vaginas sometimes! IKNORITE?? You don’t necessarily need to shout “BULLSHIT” at a Mom’s Night or anything. Dawn wants them to “work hard and be kind.”


For the record: these women are wealthy and from wealth, so their affirmations are adorable.

Kelley can’t wait until the end of charter; they’re gonna get loose!


Kate wants nothing to do with that.

Sierra feels almost disrespected by Kate pulling her off her break to work, I guess if she wants to almost leave, the charter season is over anyway.

Lauren lost her radio AGAIN.

Sierra can’t do anything almost right. Kyle can’t stand how she chews with her mouth open. In her defense, how else is she supposed to talk all the way through a meal? Pssht.

Kelley and Nico are teasing Lauren about her radio, which reminds Sierra that she doesn’t have hers anywhere near. Oooooops, I wonder if she left it in that guest bedroom where Kate brought it to her. Honestly, crew, suck it up for one last charter! Sierra’s stressed because this is her fourth time losing Misty just TODAY, so she takes it out on Kyle, calling him a child. He overreacts and calls her a dick and LAST CHARTER, GUYS!

Kelley sends Kyle to apologize; they have 48 hours left to get though. Kyle doesn’t wanna, so Kelley throws a half-assed “I’m sorry” at Sierra and they get into a shouting match in the hallway. They’re both kind of right but Kelley really needs to stop jumping in.

Sierra runs to Kate, who just doesn’t have time. There are guests aship and she needs at least one person focused there, even if it’s just her. Kelley comes into the galley for round two, ding ding!

Ben’s hair fell down and it looks great! He’s so much cuter when he doesn’t look like a Raver Smurf! The women love his food, screaming and wooooo hooooooing and Kelley gives him props for the lady-gasms happening on deck


Ben comes out with dessert; can they get a hug and a kiss? Ben gets one from Emily later, so creepy that Bravo is filming that from behind when Ben clocks them. I mean, they are always filming, so when Ben tries to hide, it makes Bravo look pervy, you know? Plus how hard was Emily holding on? She left fingermarks!

Kyle keeps going on about Sierra. Come on, let it goooo. Lauren decides to make it a PityParty and throws problems with Kate in there too. That she doesn’t work with. Honestly.

Ben thanks Kate for helping him get over his anxiety attack he had earlier; she ruins their moment by saying she used the ‘avoid so she doesn’t get annoyed’ method, sometimes he really hates her, you know? She hates him too sometimes! It’s a lot of time in close quarters and they can see the light at the end of the tunnel is all.

The guest are going to The Baths (thanks DJ); check those boat keys, yo! First a really chatty guest wants to talk the captain’s ear off and she reminds me of someone I know well. Can’t take silence, just fills hours and hours of it with small talk and chit chat NEVER.SAY.ANYTHING. He sends her out to watch the anchor come up, good thinking!

Ben’s having to cook breakfast while underway, that’s not dangerous or annoying at all! Kate’s the least annoyed with him, so um, yay?

Nico sends Kyle into the interior with the cooler the guests will be using; the stews can pack it. Sierra is the one on and says fine, wash it out, I’ll pack it. She unloads on Kate about it, She’s been running all morning and now the deck crew wants her to do their job too! Kate’s not having that; she calls Kelley and tells him to not ask the Interior to do stuff while they’re serving breakfast.

That’s not EXACTLY how Kelley explains it to the deck crew, however, but no matter. They’ve already decided that Kate’s to blame for EVERYTHING EVER, so. Kyle just wants it over


Oh and it’s getting worse, Ben sticking up for Emily (gently) during one of Kate’s “pep” talks makes her almost drip vinegar.

The guests are gone to The Baths; instead of taking a break, Kate checks the guest cabins and finds substandard work from the stews. This is RBF Code Red and I heard that. Sierra also heard Kate bitching flat out to Ben, I bet that sounded almost disrespectful again. And we’re out.

I don’t know what’s up with Kate, she’s completely reverted back to season two levels of sarcasm and anger. It starts off funny and then you find yourself looking for a place to hide, so I dunno, man. Until next week for the season finale! Cheers