It’s a runnnnnnn of Below Deck! Who’s ready for more drunken young people fighting over poor life choices made in pretty places? Okay sure, why not? Rolling S5:E10 King Come-On-I-Wanna-Lay-Ya after the break!
Bosun EJ Jansen is concerned about all the black feet smudging the deck, he’s washed his feet and would like Lead Deckhand (not a thing) Nico Scholly and his older brother Josh to wash theirs too. They take it with class and confidence, definitely not mocking him and talking back at him in drunken slurs. JK!
EJ has had enough and what’s more, his real job is calling. Captain Lee Rosbach asked him to come help but the situation with Nico is so tenuous that there is no point at all in him staying and I understand when he hands in his notice. Captain Lee understands too, but he’s not sure Nico is ready to step up to the next level.
Pre-Charter Meeting in the crew mess! Jason Swing of Swing Media, aww, Google tells me he does Billboards! Have you seen 3 Billboards ouside Ebbing, Missouri? Highly recommend. Sorry, sorry, Jason Swing and his wife Mekela Swing are the Primaries, other guests include Majd and Edda Elias. Rounding out the gang are Eden Alpert (daughter of Herb) and Brian Anastasio. They don’t have weird requests for food, but they expect to be impressed which is understandable but scary for iffy Chef Matt Burns. When he wants to, he can really knock ’em dead, but he’s emotional and unpredictable. Okay, like most chefs, without the passion for food.
Chief Stew Kate Chastain calls Third Stew Jennifer Howell down to the laundry room and warns her about taking breaks while working. People notice. Rumour has it that there are even cameras in every single room or something.
We’re three hours from guest arrival and the Captain is eyeing up the weather; they might not be able to get off the dock.
Deckhand Bruno Duarte cleans up the messy crew mess and complains about the Interior again, what’s your deal, bruh? Chill!
Nico’s out on a tender and bangs his elbow and starts shouting for someone to jump in the water and come get him. He needs to go to the hospital, he’s got some nerve damage. 1 hour and 17 minutes until guests! And they can’t get off the dock. This is going to be an interesting charter.
Nico comes back with a sling, he has a pinched nerve and it’s inflamed. He’s on meds but makes it up in time to meet the guests.
Welcome Jason and Mekela Swing!
Wooooooooo two gay guys (I’m not profiling, I know my manscaping, chin angles and vowel usage. Wait – I think that is exactly profiling) are aship!! The guests don’t like the Captain’s announcement that they won’t be leaving the dock, but Skinny Kenny Rogers points at Nico and they back down a little. Not the gay guys, they’re up in carefully manscaped arms! Primary Gay is mad and won’t stop talking about not being able to leave the deck and I get it, but Captain Lee isn’t God, Primary Gay, he just ISN’T!!
Ohhhhh Primary Gay takes a moment to hit on Bruno, who DOES have beautiful eyes, I agree! Bruno pops down to give Kate the 411, um, back up, Bruno. Kate knows what she’s doing. I have to wonder if Bruno’s cruise ship background is what’s driving him, he’s probably used to organizing complaining guests all the time.
Chef Matt Burns gets the first meal out to ooohs and aaaahhhs, whew! Eden Alpert is not just famous offspring, she’s a restaurateur. He’ll need to be on point today, especially with the boat being stuck on dock.
EJ comes up and offers all the water toys to the guests, Primary Gay stands down grudgingly and looks like we’re ready to have some fun! Bruno sets up a picnic on the beach and the guests have a great time.
Kate asked the deck boys if they wanted a stewardess to help serve, but nope, Bruno’s got it. I admire his can-do spirit, but as Kate says: if you wanna be a stewardess, go scrub some toilets. It isn’t all serving drinks and snacks.
The guests come back in time for supper, Jen meets them at the top of the gangplank with shots.
Costume party time! Kate sighs when she realises it’s yet another 80s party.
Bruno is excitedly telling Matt about the day in the galley when Jen asks him to keep his voice down. The guests are right there, and they don’t need to hear someone yelling in the kitchen. Bruno snarks her off with “I know service” and what is his problem with the interior lately? He’s just dying to take offense and denigrate them whenever possible. So weird.
Ooooh, I just saw Matt’s knives….drool.
Supper time! Ooop, Matt made salmon because the Primary’s wife mentioned that specifically, but Eden is mad. Why would you serve fish 4 times in one day?
That does seem like a lot, Matt.
Primary Gay resumes his argument; they’re not even on the water! That’s the IRONY!
Oy
Eden may be intoxicated.
Second Stew Brianna Adekeye has been popping in to see Nico every once in a while, which he appreciates because after all: he can’t use his right arm.
*wink*
Bruno and his abs come out for the party, Primary Gay about falls over. Bruno looked just like Tom Cruise in Rock of Ages!
The next morning, Captain Lee takes Primary Jason for a trip to the small island they’ve been pointing at, the guests never believe that the weather is too bad to move off the dock. They get very, very wet.
It takes Jen almost half an hour to make a cup of fcking coffee. Okay it was a chai latte but still: HALF AN HOUR. It’s morning. I would lose my mind if I had to wait that long for caffeine.
Oh jaysus, Matt’s emotional again and searching the internet for meals for a Luau. The guests go ashore and do a really cool S.C.U.B.A experience.
EJ tells Baker he’s about to go while back on the boat, Brianna works her ass off while Jen eats for an hour. An hour. Brianna finally says something and they fight over Jen’s inability to tell the difference between 20 minutes and an hour. Kate said specifically to get the work done first then chill.
Kate gets back and finds the laundry room in a mess, she’s pissed that the stews didn’t do as much as she asked. Ask the one taking a two hour lunch, don’t spit on Brianna.
Kate takes Jen aside to get her side of the story, how is this a grown, functional woman?
Bruno shows up to help the stews set up for the Luau, he complains about the cheap party favours and he’s not wrong but he needs to lighten up. He did bake a lovely cake for Matt, who’s very happy with his sous chef.
Service is gonna be complicated…it’s buffet style and Jen doesn’t understand so is unprofessional in front of the staff and is rude to Brianna. Hey, Primary Gay’s name is Charlie!! And his open flirting with Bruno is cute and not offensive or heavy handed.
Kate asks Bruno his opinion about the supper; she suggests he go tell Captain Lee exactly what he would have done differently.
OMIGOD LOOKIT CAPTAIN LEE
Talk about The Stud of the Sea! Hahahaha
The guests all bow down, that’s an awesome costume! He’s King Come-On-I-Wanna-Lay-Ya!
It’s a great party, Bruno finally realises he’s dealing with someone who’s much more experienced who knows a lot more. He calms down and regains his humility. Good job, fella, it’s not easy admitting you’re wrong.
Now. Jen is still complaining about how much she’s worked when she clearly did NOT work and everyone else paid the price for that. She’s like a chipmunk, first you think they’re cute and stupid and then you realise they’re disease-carrying vermin. Kate leaves her a list of things to do and heads off to bed while Jen’s whining takes us out.
Until next time!
