We’re back with our GingerNinjaBankster, we’re almost done this first season of Billions, did you know? They’ve already been renewed for another season, though, so let’s see what our trolly trolls have been up to.

I know I mentioned this last time, but I just don’t see how Bobby will be able to come back from those 9-11 profiteering revelations. I mean. The American public is known for it’s mob mentality, just type “Trump 2016” into your favourite search engine and you will get the gang warfare on both sides, but they are especially very fond of their heroes like firefighters and police, although the latter…maybe not exactly so much lately.

ANYWAY, last week Donnie aligned his chakras, and showed us how gravely ill he is, Lara and Bobby dealt with the shrapnel of the 9-11 revelations, and she shut down her restaurant and farm.

Everyone at the U.S. Attorney’s office is exhausted, Chuck tells them a tale of his adolescent chess travails. He would get very angry (dark rage) if he felt an opponent didn’t respect the game, or him or anything else about their match, and he would lose all of his training and strategy and that’s pretty much what he’s doing with Bobby. He would forget to win. He would know better, but he couldn’t do better.

And now he’s in the same position; Donnie is dying and in no shape to testify. They’ve lost. Chuck has lost it for himself, but them as well and he blames it on Bobby being “bloodless” enough to use a dying man, saying they weren’t cold enough and whatever, man. They used everything they could, including the pointy end, it just wasn’t enough.

Kate asked what they can do? And he says from now on: perfect strategy. No more driven, sloppy messy shite.

Adam from the AGs office walks and everyone stops breathing for a moment. You can almost hear the whistling from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

Bobby and Lara are sitting, in a daze, at a hospital? While Donnie looks similarly out of it and Wags runs the morning meeting. Bobby asks Wags if he has a handle on the Donnie sitch; Wags replies he does not. Bobby follows Donnie to the bathroom; he has pancreatic cancer, the kind it doesn’t matter how far along it is. Bobby has a thought, come see him at the end of the day.

And THAT’S why Lara and Bobby were in a daze, they WERE at a hospital, Donnie has died. They have the funeral and we find out what’s Donnie’s life was like before. When he met his partner Walter, he felt so bad for his wife that he just gave her everything, didn’t put anything in trust. She’s remarried, and her new husband has control over the money now, so there is no assurance that Emma and Harry will be taken care of. Which is a bit ridiculous, though, I mean, of course his ex-wife Karen would take care of her children, but it’s a plot device to show how generous Bobby is about to be.

40 million. 40.fcuking.million.dollars. That’s what Bobby offers Donnie to ensure his family’s financial security.

Chuck walks through the woods after Donnie’s funeral, and we see him in his office with Adam. He knows the Axe Financial gig is being removed from his office, so he preemptively lays it out for Adam. Chuck’s job is hanging on by a thread and he swears he is off the investigation. Again. But he wants to talk to Adam about musical chairs!

We’re back at the funeral with Wendy and Walter, this episodes is all timeslips and all over the place, hey? Yaaaayy. Chuck walks up, headed off by Wendy, who tells him to get the fcuk out of here. He stops by to shake Bobby’s hand first, who at first refuses to shake but sees an opportunity to twist that knife.

Also at the funeral are those quislings that ran off in the middle of the night with Bobby’s client list; pretty bold Carly and Channing. They got their capital from Bobby’s clients, he want to know if they can block it? Orrin says they could, sure, but the defectors could probably argue that Axe is not the same place they signed the non-competes in. Bobby leaves to go for breakfast, but that’s not HIS breakfast, he’s gone to press the investors working with the traitors. It does not go well.

At Dollar’s trial, it’s Orrin against Bryan and Kate while Judge Wilcox listens, toughly by fairly. He grants the defense motion for dismissal while Bryan protests (vigorously), with a stern comment about the use of government assets in the settling of personal scores. Oooooh BURN!

Kate and Bryan relay the information to Chuck, who winces. I bet he’s super glad he got Lonnie started on that investigation of the Judge, hey??

Timothy! Finally a name!! Timothy of the former sweet chesty high-school girlfriend is single and ready to mingle with Deb, who gives him points for his honesty and being intimidated but she is fully aware she is out of his league. As is he.

Dollar walks into the office to chants of ‘KEYSER, KEYSER, KEYSER!!” but Bobby is less impressed, calling Dollar into his office with an epic YouAreInSoMuchTroubleFace. Everyone watches as Bobby and Dollar have the most hilarious non-fight ever. Bobby wants to set Dollar up as an enemy so Carly, Hlasa and Channing will work with him and he can fcuk them over. I mean. This fight was AWESOME! If you watch anything on Billions, ever, watch THAT.

And we’re back at the funeral, where Deb has decided that Timothy is worth a hand-cuddle, anyway. Lonnie was at the funeral and got to sit and everything, unlike Chuck, who’s been lurking in the bushes. Lonnie says he’s found a chink in Wilcox’s armour; Wilcox is an investor in a fund that owns, among other things, a private-prison, which is where he’s been sending all the poor kids of colour he sees. White collar gets a bye, but urban crime is filling his prison to the tune of 17k profit per prisoner. The money is being washed in the Dominican, where he is fcuking the housekeeper.

Bryan and Kate are staring at each other, she asks if he wants anything? And then they sit. He’s nervous, surrounded by the trappings of her wealth (that’s not IKEA, is it?) but they kiss and all is all right.

Chuck arrives home to find his dad lurking in his kitchen, he’s brought over Jr.’s coin collection. He counsels Jr. to “stop…fcuking…up!!” and he needs to stop losing! Sr. suggest Jr. takes a year off, go out to the farm, help bored housewives (we need help? Sure, he could fold some laundry, there’s a lad), and in no time…he will have established residency. Ah and that’s where Sr. was going, he wants Jr. to run for Congress.

Here’s where Billions falls apart for me: they’ve either miscast Paul Giamatti or written him incorrectly: I cannot see this man as a Congressman.

Anyway! Jr. declines the opportunity to work with 500 plus stooges and to work with his dad at all, actually. Lots of stomping.

Over at Quisling Central, Dollar walks in to a hero’s welcome, they’ve heard about his epic fight with Bobby (you can have THREE families!!), let’s see if he can set the hook properly. He dangles a trade and some inside information over them, let’s see if they take it.

Judge Wilcox doesn’t want to talk to Chuck about Dollar, but that’s not what Chuck wants to talk about anyway: Baldinger Prison Systems is what he’s interested in. Whit knows Chuck has him by the short and curlies, so he presumably takes the option to resign for undisclosed personal reasons.

Walter is dealing with a tonne of toys for a Secret Santa operation when Wendy arrives, but no worries, Lara is on her way. Walter tells Wendy that it was hard for Donnie to not be fully honest with her about how he was doing and just then, Lara shows up. Wendy and Lara haven’t talked since Lara tried to lean on her to strongarm Chuck out of the game, hopefully it won’t be awkward. Lara does everything but hit Wendy with a broom to get her out of there. Walter is now the shuttlecock and he chooses Lara, kissing Wendy goodbye.

Wendy tries to talk to Bobby at the funeral, but they haven’t had a real session in three and a half years and it’s not looking likely. I think she is firmly on the outside.

At home, Lara is making the boys wrap all the secret santa presents, this looks like another one of Lara’s character-building exercises that FunBobs will undermine. He does, of course, and they’re not getting along that well. Lara guns for Wendy, hmmm.

Chuck shows up at Wilcox’s retirement party

And even does a speech! So.much.knife.twisting. And just as Chuck leads the gang in “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow”, Lonnie shows up to arrest Whit in front of everyone else. Another “bloodless” move, hey Chuck?

Bobby is visiting his traitors in their new office, who’ve just figured out how thoroughly Dollar and Bobby have fcuked them. He offers them a deal that sounds pretty heavily skewed in his favour, but he’s going to keep working with them? Huh. He tells them they better be at the funeral too, so I missed that timeslip apparently. This is FUN!

Bobby is doing the eulogy at Donnie’s funeral, it’s moving and Wendy watches.

Bryan and Chuck are strategizing in Chuck’s office about the new judge they’ll be shopping for Wilcox’s seat; they think they can manouevre Adam from the AGs office, and then he can leave a friendly behind and Bryan is excited because Chuck is all clear-eyed and not ragey any more.

Wendy is clutching a champagne bottle to her chest at the funeral. Wags sits with her. Wendy thinks she ruined Donnie’s life, patching him up time and again instead of letting him go off to a life of academia. Wags calls BS and Wendy snaps out of her funk long enough to note that Donnie knocked off with 40 million?

There’s an odd moment with Dr. Gilbert, who is giving his regards to Walter, who thanks him for doing all he could to save Donnie. Odd eye contact. This is Bobby’s doctor.

Now we see Bobby with Ari, Donnie’s doctor. Oh man. There was a drug trial in Philidelphia that could have conceivably extended Donnie’s life a few months and made him able to be Santa again, which was his dying wish. Bobby decided, for the doctor, to not tell Donnie about the drug trial. It would be a rigorous course of treatment and he was already so weak…and we’re out at Bobby laying leaves on Donnie’s picture at the funeral while Tubthumping plays really loudly in the background.

Wow. So. We already know Bobby and Chuck are sharks, but both of their behaviour seemed particularly egregious this episode. I suppose I need to stop thinking of either as Good Guys, what with it being about winning and all. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned the music yet; aside from the obnoxious volume of Tubthumping, the background music is superb on this show. And that’s it for this week, y’all! Until next time.