Hey guys, sorry I’m late! It’s winter holidays in this part of Canada right now and I’ve got my entire family underfoot, which is making for late recaps. Without further ado, let’s roll right into Divorce S1:E6 because NOTHING sounds like more fun than a first Christmas with a newly separated couple!

Robert (Thomas Hayden Church) is disgusted with the Target wreath he sees on the door as he’s dropping off Lila (Sterling Jerins) and Tom (Charlie Kilgore): is he growing out his hair? Making it’s because he’s making his own wreaths now. Seems related.

Frances (Sarah Jessica Parker) wants to talk schedule over the holidays; he doesn’t agree with her plan to take the kids to her parents’. Frances hasn’t told her parents, what?? How do get divorced without telling your support system? Robert wants to have Christmas all together and Frances is actually considering it.

Frances wants to make things even more complicated, so she drags out this telling the grandparents thing with the kids for another scene. I’ll have to reserve judgement in case her parents are hell on wheels, but I bet most parents would understand.

Frances didn’t want to tell her folks over the phone, she wanted to do it in person. Her mom  and dad Donald (Robert Forster) seem fairly normal, why does Frances equivocate and say there isn’t anything new in the family when she’s asked?

I should probably stop shouting about it, but this type of drawing things out for comedic effect so that SJP can look adorably scattered is one of the things I don’t like about this show. And now I’ll stop.

Guess who gets to sleep in the same bed?? NO, GUESS??!! I guess as long as everyone keeps their underpants on. They do get along pretty well when they’re faking companionship! They agree they did right with their kids. They should have thought ahead about sleeping arrangements is all. Robert goes to sleep with “I’ve always tried to do the best for our family. But no matter how hard you try, mistakes get made.”

What does that mean, Frances and I want to know? Something with his shark of a lawyer?

The next day is the Christmas Eve service at church and I love those! They’re so friendly and everyone’s happy. I am a completely unrepentant atheist, I just dig large groups of smiley people. Robert’s having a great time too, hugging and kissing strangers like a motherhumper! I bet he misses the affection, he’s right in there! Frances gives him alllllls the sideye because he mixes up “Peace be with you” and “Pleased to meet you.” You know when you hate someone sooooooo much and you can’t stand ANYTHING they do? Yeah

Nick (Tracy Letts) and Diane (Molly Shannon) are having a more formal Christmas Eve dinner. Ohhh, Nick’s got a daughter and a son, must be from a previous relationship since we saw him harangue Diane about her barren womb and unfulfilled womanly purpose on her 50th birthday. Nick’s ex Carolyn (Leslie Hendrix) “jokes” about this house being the “second wife-size house” which Nick doesn’t think is funny. Does ANYONE think these dinners are a good idea? Nick doesn’t, he suggests they just “jump straight to dessert and call it a f*king night.”

Robert’s drinking heavily, I don’t really blame him. Frances is making him live this charade of a happy family when he’s been kicking out and cheated on and yeah: not cool. He doesn’t think she’s going to tell her parents, ever, and how can that not happen? I quite sincerely hope that nobody watching and / or reading this thinks any of this makes sense. My only guess is that sometimes it’s hard to say out loud and maybe it’s like admitting failure?

Dallas (Talia Balsam) is having an even MORE awkward Christmas with her son and his girlfriend who’s giving him a handie on her couch while they’re all watching TV. Dallas says something, which just encourages the girlfriend to bear down and I think I threw up in my mouth just then.

Robert’s giving a speech about honesty, whoops! Frances tries to deflect, but Robert has bible verses! Okay, Frances, time’s up. She tells everyone and the room goes silent, while Robert chimes in: that’s not where he was going at all with that. He was going to sing The Little Drummer Boy and okay. Who wants warm bundt cake?? Nobody but that one redheaded kid.

Frances’s mom is sure she and Robert will be able to work through this little bump, but Frances needs them to understand that isn’t what’s happening here. Robert wanders in, he wants to join in and as much as I understand where Frances is coming from: Donald’s right. It does concern Robert and you can’t just cut people out of other people’s lives after decades of sharing time together.

Frances struggles through an explanation of how things went wrong, stuck at the admission of infidelity. Robert jumps in to take the blame and while I understand how mortifying it would be to tell strangers that: your parents? Really? Good on ya, Robert, that was a class move.

Back in bed, Frances almost thanks Robert, who says “Merry Christmas.”

Somebody gave Lila a microphone for Christmas and I hate that person.

Slightly awks convo in the garage with Robert and Donald; Donald gives Robert props for owning up to what he did. “It takes a big man to come clean.”

And he’s going to right by Frances, right? RIGHT? Now hand him those pliers

Frances’s mom Bridget (Dorothy Lyman) wants to know if Frances tried giving Robert a chance? Frances wants to know why she didn’t ask how she was doing first instead? Oh but there’s more there. Frances and Bridget go back and forth on why people have affairs: Frances thinks people have affairs because they’re unhappy

Until they aren’t, of course, then you hope you don’t get caught and maybe your marriage isn’t that bad after all. Frances (and I) are all: Mom, WHAT?

Julian (Jermaine Clement) is having his Christmas dinner with his mother (Jenny Sterlin) and brother (Ramon Frazier), waxing ecstatic about a recent showing – there were SIX bloggers covering it! A pounding at the door stops them, it’s a message from the husband of Doreen Cooper: a punch to the gut.

How many women are there? Doreen Cooper, someone with an Asian husband, Frances… how does he have the time? That homemade granola isn’t going to make itself!

Packing up and leaving the next day, Bridget and Donald are looking forward to seeing Robert next year! Yay! Er says Robert and I, but Bridget has faith: anything could happen in a year.

Frances wants Robert to stop the car; she needs to tell them the truth! He won’t let her, driving away quickly and there are two reasons for that. He fell on the grenade for her, which is his last act as a married person and two: *quick check to see if the kids’ headphones are on* maybe he doesn’t want everyone knowing she “fornicated with a French douchebag 22 times.” Okay, Robert, he’s from NEW ZEALAND and it was 32!! times, not 22, but the unfortunate thing is that Tom’s headphones were just on, not ON, so. We’re out! Until next time!