Welcome back to Divorce (…) from HBO, we made it through the holidays with the Dufresnes! Yay! Rolling into Weekend Plans after the break.

We open in a restaurant with Robert (Thomas Hayden Church) having a meal with an attractive lady; he’s holding forth on the significance of the cinematography in Heart of Darkness, at least I THINK he is. OH!!! This is Kathy DeSantis (Mary McCormack from like EVERYTHING) and she is not buying.

It sounds like Robert had a slightly different viewpoint about what happened that fateful day on 9/11, but we don’t getta find out exactly why shes so mad: she didn’t even tell her therapist about him! And she’s out after calling him a “tremendous f*cking a**hole.” She doesn’t even tell him her weekend plans!

He puts his ring back on

Then takes it off at the local Starbucks so he can chat up his fave barista Sheila (Izzie Steele) who is much, much younger. Hey! Maybe she has daddy issues and likes terrible jokes. Errr nope, she drops the b-bomb, even though she means f-bomb, given her new jewlery

Robert retreats, to surge back: what was all the friendliness and smiles and remembering his name, Sheila? Good customer service? NO! She was clearly leading his aged arse on and you have to love the entitlement, if nothing else.

He’s just staring down the barrel of an empty weekend; I hear that’s the worst part in the beginning. Especially if you don’t have custody of the children and you’re used to them taking up all your spare time.

Max Brodkin (Jeffrey DeMunn!!! Dale from The Walking Dead before it became torture-porn for boy teenagers!!) isn’t looking very hopeful…he takes a minute to break the news to Frances (Sarah Jessica Parker – WHY SO LONG UNTIL WE SEE SJP? Imma start clocking you guys). Robert’s business has no money. He bought too many houses at peak market and even if he sells them, he’ll lose money.

Robert has left both himself and Frances deeply in debt. Yikes. Then Robert took out some loans, remortgaged the house and took out some MORE loans. Can she afford Max?

Frances is hit by a lightning bolt: Robert hasn’t completely financially obliterated them, he’s hiding money through Tony Silvercreek (Dean Winters)!!

This is divorce: where you hope your soon-to-be-ex is robbing you, not stupid.

Max has to explain this very carefully: she’s been the primary wage-earner. That makes her responsible for Robert’s debt. Oy

Always trust your Dale! I mean Max

He thinks they still have some cards; he just needs her to keep a cool head. That will not likely be possible.

And it’s not. Frances drives to one of Robert’s houses in progress, breaks a window and prepares to flood it with water when one of his workers stops her.

Frances: you know that’s actually HURTING you too, right? $350 window, woot woot!

Robert is clothes shopping, yes the clerk is sure Euro-cut clothing is made for men. Robert just wants to know if a woman, in a bar, would go for this outfit. *swift up and down* That would depend on the woman. And the bar. Hahahahaha

I am totally Team Frances and the fact that he’s SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES when they’re drowning in debt is making me spitty. I know, I know he’s in pain. I just hate debt!

Robert spies Dallas (Talia Balsam) similarly comforting herself in the retail fashion, shopping for clothes for her son Cole with the rancid girlfriend. Some choice insults later (what? You can be too old to want to tuck your kids in and / or clothes shop with them????) and Robert caves first.

If they bang I will never forgive either of them.

Diane (Molly Shannon) is “helping” Frances with the renovation of her new gallery, she’s such an ahole. I’m telling you, Frances: you do not need to be friends with someone who doesn’t listen to you (NO COFFEE BAR) and refers to your new business as being located on “a boneyard for small businesses.” No, you don’t want smoke blown up your bum, but why would anyone want to be friends with someone that self-absorbed and needlessly cruel? She drops the Fun Space bomb on Frances.

I’m yelling at everyone a lot this episode, I need to chill the eff out with my advice. I’ve never been divorced and I hear it’s hard AF.

Robert and Frances are having drinks to discuss his business decisions, he bought two houses next to a working landfill? Then there was a triple-homicide and re-mortgaging and they own 9 houses. Eeeh

Oh it’s Tom’s birthday, so after Frances unloads on Robert for gambling with his children’s futures (eeh, but very well done, SJP), time for cake! This is divorce, yes?

Robert’s meeting with Tony Silvercreek again, he’s feeling suicidal and like a failure but Tony has a plan! First, he has to get Robert away from the “man-devouring b*tch” then there’s a 6 point plan involving: clothes, crossfit, tanning, viagra, a MRA support group and most importantly: a new f*cking haircut. It’s not just the Men’s Health mantra any more:

Oh shite, during the third consultation with Max Brodkin, I think he’s losing it, yes? He’s late, forgets Robert’s name and doesn’t uncap a pen, all in 10 seconds. Wait, none of that is funny he’s slurring his s’s and I think he might be having a stroke. Oh jeez yes, he did and hes trying to still carry on after. He calls it a “mini-stroke”, which is STILL a stroke, right? Wait. One of his eyebrows is grey and one is dark. And there’s a meeting with Robert and his attorney right away.

Oh. Oh it doesn’t go well. Tony is gentle, I’ll give him that.

Afterwards, Frances is trying to politely suggest that Max go home for some rest when he explains that was all a mirage. He doesn’t want Tony et al. to have the paperwork on Frances’s credit cards and pay stubs yet, he played it up a smidge! I sincerely hope that is true.

Robert’s dropping the kids off at school (or is he? Weird), lovely Janice (Gillian Vigman) asked why he’s there? And does he have any plans for the weekend?

I see I’m going to have to be very careful about asking people what’s up for the weekend: Robert ends up with Janice bouncing around on top of him while he tries to pretend he’s enjoying himself. He cries in the bathroom later.

He wants to talk to Frances about today; she knows immediately it’s about sleeping with someone else. It wasn’t Janice from school, was it? He’s no longer monogamous and since they promised to be open about this kind of thing.

Is he trying to hurt her? Yes but really what it did is blow his mind and make him wonder that she could have sex with another person then come home, talk to him, fake her way through conversations, through sex with him. How could she? How can someone? He never had any suspicions of her! She never had any idea he was destroying their financial future either and with that, she closes the door on him and we’re out.

Whew. You guys. I have to say I dug how more realistic this episode was than a couple in the past, but being more genuine also means wrenching, soo.. Yeah. Until next time!