Hey! It’s me, Veronica, and this week it’s my turn to recap the latest Game of Thrones episode, Home.

How great is it that we are actually getting answers to things this season?

Delayed gratification can kiss my arse!

Well hello there Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright)! Long time no tree, uh I mean see. So Bran is now in the cave of the Three Eyed Raven (Max von Sydow), connecting to the weirwood tree and experiencing visions of his own. Bran and the Raven are having a vision of Winterfell, watching two young boys training with their swords and shields. It’s Bran’s father, the young Eddard Stark (Sebastian Croft) and his little brother Benjen Stark (Matteo Elezi), living life in a peaceful Winterfell. A young lady rides up on a horse and begins to circle around them, and it’s Lyanna Stark, their sister. Bran has never met her, only seen her statue in the crypt, and his father never spoke of her. She was kidnapped by Rhaegar Targaryen, the result of which would be the death her brother Brandon, and Robert’s Rebellion led by Robert Baratheon. She died under very mysterious circumstances, perhaps after giving birth to a certain Stark bastard?

Lyanna suggests that another boy come and help train young Benjen, and they call over Willis (Sam Coleman). It’s young Hodor! And he can speak! He’s a friendly giant of a lad, more than happy to help the boys, but he’s dragged off by a very young looking Old Nan, he’s only a stable boy after all. The Raven tells Bran it’s time to go, but Bran wants to stay, it’s been so long since he’s seen his home.

The Raven wakes him, and they’re back in the cave being watched by a Child of the Forest. Bran is cranky that he was pulled away, but the Raven warns him it’s easy to get lost in the visions. Bran tells Hodor that he saw him, and heard him speak, and his name is Willis. Well, Hodor, Bran. Bran asks where Meera (Ellie Kendrick) is, and she’s out in the snow, chilling. I complained I was cold this morning, I take it back. I know now I don’t know what cold is. Northern Hemisphere shout out, respect mofos! Anyhoo, she’s tired of hanging in the cave watching the others have visions, who wants to be the only sober person at the party? She’s mourning her brother Jojen, and wants to know how they can possibly fight a war from in a stupid cave. Bran hasn’t got an answer, and gets carried back in by Hodor. The Child of the Forest has been listening and tells Meera that Bran will need her when the war begins. Who else will carry his backpack? cough*White Walker bait*cough

At Castle Black, Ser Davos (Liam Cunningham) and the other’s time is up. Alliser Thorne (Owen Teale) is at the door demanding their surrender. They pull their swords, as Thorne orders the door be smashed in. I see you there Olly (Brenock O’Çonnor), you shark eyed little prick. The door is nearly down, when there’s an ominous thud. The Night’s Watch turn, and the gates are being rushed. It’s Tormund Giantsbane (Kristofer Hivju) and the giant Wun-Wun (Neil Fingelton, who is actually 7ft 7″), leading the Wildlings into Castle Black. The traitors quickly drop their weapons, cowards the lot of them. Olly throws himself at Tormund but unfortunately they don’t kill him, but they do take them all captive and lock them up. Tormund goes to see Jon Snow’s (Kit Harington) body, and tells Davos and Edd (Ben Crompton) that he’ll have his men collect wood for a funeral pyre. There’s a few bodies about the place that need cleaning up anyway.

In King’s Landing, a drunk is telling a story about Cersei (Lena Headey) getting a look at his sizeable wang and being impressed. The crowd loves it, but someone does not. When the guy goes to take a leak, he’s interrupted by a very tall, armour clad man. It’s Ser Robert Strong (Hafthór Júlíus Björnsson we think) Cersei’s personal zombie bodyguard, and he doesn’t seem to have a sense of humour. Crunch goes dude’s head into the wall, my jaw dropped, but only temporarily as I had to close it to stop the bile that was rising. There was quite a lot of blood and brains on that wall, gulp.

Off on a tangent, but I read today that there’s a theory that Ser Robert has the body of The Mountain and the head of Robb Stark, LOLZ. Stark apparently means Strong in German, therefore Robert Strong. I love this so much.

Ser Strong returns to the Red Keep, where Cersei is readying herself to go to her daughter Myrcella’s (Nell Tiger Free) funeral. They are stopped on their way out by the King’s Guard, having received orders from King Tommen (Dean Charles-Chapman) that she be confined in the Keep for her own safety. Although Ser Strong could most definitely take these suckers out, Cersei relents and returns to the Keep.

In the Sept, Jamie (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and Tommen are viewing Myrcella’s body. She has those painted eye rocks on, and while not quite as funny as Tywin’s were, they still give me the giggles. Jamie tells Tommen that he needs to let his mother see Myrcella, that he is punishing her by not allowing her in. Tommen has the guilts, he hasn’t done anything to protect his mama or his wife (herk). He’s put the High Sparrow (Johnathan Pryce) in the position of having all the power, and has no idea how to get it back.

Speak of the Devil, the High Sparrow arrives, and seriously man, do you not believe in soap? Jamie tells Tommen to go and see his mother. Jamie and the High Sparrow have a verbal sparring match, and Jamie give him a gentle reminder that he is in possession of a rather large sword right now. The High Sparrow is not intimidated, and his followers start to show themselves around the Sept. Jamie could take them with one hand tied- oh uh, sorry Jamie. Anyway, they’re at a stalemate for now, but the threats hang in the air on both sides.

Tommen goes to see mama Cersei, and she’s in ice queen mode. She tells him she’s pleased to see him, but there’s no warmth there. I know Cersei is a stone cold bitch, but she loves her children, um child, more than anything. I guess after her atonement, she’s reluctant to show any weakness. Tommen apologies to her, and asks her to help him be strong, and there’s a gleam back in her eyes as she finally takes him in her arms. I swear Lena Headey can convey more than anyone I’ve ever seen with the twitch of an eyebrow. There is gonna be one hell of a reckoning by the Lannisters one day soon.

In Meereen, Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) and Varys (Conleth Hill) are meeting with Missandei (Nathalie Emmanuel) and Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson) Grey Worm! Hey there fella, how’s it hang- , sorry, sorry. I’m as bad as Tyrion. The slavers in surrounding cities have started taking back control now that Daenerys has gone. Her two remaining dragons are also feeling the loss of their mother, and are on a hunger strike.

Tyrion tells the others that dragons are intelligent creatures, not meant to be chained. They should be allowed to roam, and graze on the odd charcoaled goat or small family should they feel the need. Gotta let the dragons dragon, man. He has the very bright idea of making friends with them, well sure buddy!

Tyrion and Varys go to the pyramid where they are being kept, and Varys stops at the top of the stairs, no way girlfriend is going down there. Tyrion continues down with nothing but a torch, and very slowly approaches the dragons. Their eyes begin to gleam, and they very gently, for a dragon, remind Tyrion that they do in fact breathe fire. He keeps approaching them, talking all the while about always wanting a pet dragon and being so very sad when he found out they no longer existed. Until these guys.

He very gently put his hands on one, and releases him from his collar. He turns, and the other is right there breathing down his neck. He gives his neck a shake, encouraging Tyrion to take his off too. Nawww, they’re just like little doggies. That are very large, hungry, can fly and breathe fire. Tyrion knows that he’s stretched the friendship about as far as it will go today, and skedaddles out of there.

Arya (Maisie Williams) is not looking the best she’s ever looked, in rags, bruised and bloody from her last encounter with the Waif (Faye Marsay). She’s back again, and Arya is still swinging wildly and not landing anything. The Waif is gone as quickly as she came, and Jaqen H’gar (Tom Wlaschiha) appears in her place and gently stays her staff. He asks her if she would like shelter, food, her sight back in return for her name. Arya gives him the correct answer, and he bids her to follow, she will no longer have to beg to survive.

At Winterfell, Roose Bolton (Michael Mcelhatton) is trying to solidify his Northern troops, and tells his son Ramsay (Iwan Rheon) that an attack on Castle Black would put too many from the North offside. Harald Karstark (Paul Rattray) is in attendance, and he argues Ramsay’s case, that the Stark’s have a lot of enemies and they have more than enough on their side to take Castle Black. Roose receives word from his Maester that Walda Frey (Elizabeth Webster) has given birth to their child, a son. Ruh roh, Ramsay, you’ll never really be Roose’s true number one son anymore. Roose assures him that he will always be his first born, and receives a knife to the guts in return. Ramsay has his serial killer eyes on, and is not gonna let a little baby get in his way. He tells the Maester to put the word out that Roose was poisoned, oh and please ask Lady Walda to come and see him. Oh, shit.

Ramsay meets Lady Walda coming across the grounds, and asks if he can hold his little baby brother. She hands the baby over, but tells Ramsay that Lord Bolton has requested her presence. Ramsay tells her to follow him, and leads her to his dog pens. Now, I turned the sound down on this bit and looked very briefly through my fingers, but I’m pretty sure it went as follows. I’m Lord Bolton now, and my dogs are hungry. No more Lady Walder and baby. Jeebus, I always forget just how brutal this show can be.

Sansa (Sophie Turner) and Theon (Alfie Allen) are out in the snow, with Brienne (Gwendoline Christie) and Podrick (Daniel Portman). Brienne is telling Sansa about Arya, how she saw her alive and looking good. Not exactly dressed like a lady, which makes Sansa smile. Brienne asks what happened at Winterfell, but Sansa has no words, only that she should have gone with her when she first had the chance. Brienne tells her that they have all had to make difficult choices.

Seriously, are there any places in Westeros that would be nice for a holiday? Pod’s trying to light a fire, but Theon is on edge and just wants to get Sansa to safety at Castle Black, but he can’t go with her. He tells her that he will never forgive himself for all the things he has done, and he has only one place left to go.

In Pyke, another place you would never want to go for a nice holiday, Theon’s sister Yara Greyjoy (Gemma Whelan) is taking on her father and King, Balon (Patrick Malahide) about trying for peace for their Kingdom. He doesn’t want a bar of it, and tells her that when she is in charge, then she can have all the peace she wants. That might be sooner rather than later, as Balon meets his long gone brother Euron (Pilou Asbæk) on a rope bridge. Euron has been on the high seas, and has a reputation of being not quite all there. Euron tells him he is old and he’s had his time as King. It’s time for a change, and promptly throws Balon off the bridge.

Euron is wrapped in seaweed, and given an burial at sea after he is found on the rocks below. Yara speaks to the Damphair, the Ironborn’s maester, and he tells her she does not automatically become their next leader. There needs to be a Kingsmoot first. Where is Balon? Has he made himself known to Yara yet?

Back at Castle Black, Ser Davos goes to see Melisandre (Carice van Houton) to see if there is any help she can offer the dear departed Jon Snow. She tells him that she has seen it done before, but doubts that she has the power to do it. Her powers have been a fraud, nothing that she saw in the fires has come to pass, and she is doubting her skills. Davos tells her he has seen her perform miracles, things that he would probably like a bit of brain bleach for (demon baby), and believes in her.

She agrees to try, and begins the ritual by washing his body. She trims a piece of his luscious curly hair, and some of his beard and throws it in the flames. She begins to chant, and rinses water through his hair, and I think I may have had this dream before about an alive Jon Snow. She continues her chant, and places her hands over his wounds. She repeats the same phrase over and over, but becomes increasingly disheartened as nothing happens. Tormund and Davos leave the chamber, and Melisandre gives up not long after, and goes as well.

Jon and a sleeping Ghost are left in the chamber and all is peaceful and silent. Ghost suddenly stirs, and turns those big red eyes onto his master. Oh man, it’s gonna happen! For a few seconds there is nothing, until Jon Snow’s eyes fly open and he begins to gasp for air! Holy shit, I just squealed and flew out of my chair! Happy dance! But what does this mean for Jon, will he be the same old person? Or will he be changed? I’m thinking there might be a fiery sword in his future somewhere. Well it is A Song of Ice and Fire after all, my friends.

Onwards, to next week! Oh, and where the F is my boo Littlefinger?