I am so excited about The Great British Bake Off this week! After Bread Week and the loss of one of my favourites, I am looking to see what kind of slamdunk sweeties our gang can come up with. Rolling S9:E04 Dessert Week after the break!
We open with judge Paul Hollywood getting a pie in the face, there are worse ways to go!
And then suddenly we roll into (heh I said roll) our Signature Challenge, baking meringue roulades with a perfect swirl. Hosts Sandi Toksvig and Noel Fielding are here to poke and prod our bakers, but they only have one hour and forty five minutes, best get cracking!
Or not, really, meringues are murder on cracks
Housekeeping: last week we lost one of my favourites Antony Amourdoux, boooooooooo but we also saw the rise of polite young Rahul Mandal and his second turn as Star Baker. We had a few wobbles, but Ruby Bhogal and Briony Williams have lived to bake another day, let's see how they roll! (Heh, I said roll again)
Also, Terry is out sick for the week, but will be welcomed back next week with open SMEGs, demonstrating how very much un-North American this show is.
Let's see who's baking what!
Manon Lagreve is rocking a gorgeous fishtail braid and is making a super sweet rollie-bit.
But she's never made one before. Yikes!
Briony is using pears in her treacle-tart whatsit.
And then everyone holds their whipped egg whites over their heads while I watch through my fingers.
Of course Kim-Joy has a theme.
Jon Kendrick's making something weird for on top of his sweetietreatie
"Mango spheres" *we all nod and stroke our chins*
Dan Beasely-Harding is going for a sweet-tart swirlyloaf
The meringues are all in the ovens, now onto the fillings! Ruby is using so.much.booze. So much. Judge Prue Leith seems okay with the saucy sauces, let's see how she likes this one.
But. She used canned pineapple. CANNED PINEAPPLE.
Rahul has my attention with his rhubarb filling, look at this confection!
Noel freaks Rahul out by suggesting he get Star Baker three times in a row, if he does Noel will carry him around the tent on his shoulders.
*Setting up recording device*
Karenn Wright is also boozing it up at her station, this looks delicious!
The bakes are coming out of the oven, why am I holding my breath???
Noel winds Dan up about not winning Star Baker yet, I can't say why Dan gets up my nose but maybe it's the "it's called talent" he spouted just before.
Now we're going to ROLL!
*all stare through our fingers*
Manon's is cracked almost beyond repair, we need an icing bag, stat!
One minute left! Rahul's hands are shaking, Dan's placing gold leaf on everything, it's CHAOS.
Not tight enough, tastes beautiful and light. Flavours are stunning
Kim-Joy's is very well decorated but the roulade is clumsy and her swirl is too thick.
*Was that a remark?
Paul loves the look of Manon's food, Prue's mouth is still watering!
Lookit how pretty that is?? But there is no spiral, the meringue is too thick
Karen's roulade did not roll. *Sad panda face*
Dan has a swirl AND his decoration is neat as a pin. Wonderful flavours, perfectly balanced and a Hollywood Handshake. What's that, his third?
Not enough swirl, too sweet and tastes like treacle tart.
Spiral plus spheres! Delicious and another Hollywood Handshake! Jon, thou hast redeemed thyself!
I love watching the sad baketestants eat their feelings because I have been there, my friends.
The Technical Challenge promises to be a doozy, it's a raspberry Blancmange with a wobble! And 12 langues de chat (I had longdeuchere) biscuits.
I miss Sue Perkins taking us on a history tour of what these foods are, most of the time I'm checking google with my fingers crossed.
THIS is a raspberry Blancmange:
Which is like a panna cotta, all the flavour comes from fresh raspberries. The biscuits are all butter and sugar, okay, if I MUST.
Ruby has no clue what any of these items are, she gets warned off by Dan for looking and biscuits are in the ovens!
There are two schools of thought as to the gelatinous mass; most bakers are moving the Blancmange to the fridge from the freezer but Manon is toughing it out longer in the freezer. Will her gutsy move pay off? Will her dessert make farting noises and fall as she demonstrates?
Why are Rahul's biscuits green??
Everyone warms their blancmanges in bowls of warm water and then shakes it on a glass cake tray over their heads. Alllll the blancmanges are melty piles of goo.
I can barely watch!
Oooh Rahul's is magic! Underbaked biccies, though, Jon does well all over as does Dan.
From worst to best: Manon, Karen, Kim-Joy, Briony, Rahul, Jon, Ruby and Dan wins the challenge. This is his week!
Kim-Joy was impossible for me at first, but she's growing on me this week and I can't stop giffing her face.
On to the Showstopper! It's a Melting Chocolate Ball Dessert, what? How weirdly specific yet completely bizarre. Oh and it's hot again. What?
Briony is confusing me with her white chocolate blood orange debacle, white chocolate does not even count.
There are four hundred elements to Ruby's succulent choice
Dan's doing a giant peach!
Jon has ELEVEN LAYERS in his kid-inspired delicacy
Awww Kim-Joy is making turtles! SPACE TURTLES
We're going to eat SPACE TURTLES?
Everyone makes their spheres, good thing it's bloody hot out again! Manon, Ruby and Briony are making white chocolate balls (NOT ACTUALLY CHOCOLATE), they've got to carefully shake them out as the lower melting point of the not-actually-chocolate makes it more difficult to work with.
Most bakers are using molds but Karen and Rahul are not. She's using a balloon and I am so very worried for our exuberant lassie.
It's the moment of truth as everyone tries to de-mold their balls (there's a joke there), Ruby's has cracked badly. Rahul's balloon-molded one looks rough, but it worked!
Ruby struggles while Jon helps her, Briony's melted? I legit screamed when Rahul's cracked while he was trying to fit it over his cake.
Jon is first up and awww he's wearing a tutu to present his ballet cake!
Rich and delicious
Oh Ruby. Sickly and too much pistachio
Rahul cries while Paul says it's fantastic. I would eat all that cake
Great texture, great flavours
Dan's doesn't really look like a peach and it's slow to reveal, but I'm sure it's fab. It gets rave reviews, even if it looks like a planet. "Planet Delicious" throws back Dan, hahaha.
I adore Manon's work
And so does everyone else! "Stunning to eat!"
Karen's looks great!
I love Kim-Joy's spaceball!
and the reveal is the best of all
Flawless and delicious!
Everyone is happy except Briony who will be going home today. Like, for sure. But who will win? Dan, of course, he got a handshake and praise and the works.
Let's find out!
Star Baker is Dan, COURSE
And going home is: NOBODY. The judges decided to not send anyone home because Terry wasn't there.
What???? Briony and Karen just won a stay of execution. Go ladies! It's just that next week we might lose 2! 2! My goodness, you got this, ladies, turn it around!
Until next time, cheers!