And we’re back with another episode of Happy Valley series 3 with Sarah Lancashire, I just didn’t want anyone thinking I’d disappeared again so I’ve set myself a little schedule! I also did an audiocap of the first episode; check it out! Let’s stop mucking about, shall we, and get straight into my recap of Happy Valley S3:E02 Allison! after the break!

We open where we left, with Sergeant Catherine Cawood (Sarah Lancashire!) about to hear some very bad (to her) news; her grandson Ryan Cawood (Rhys Connah) has been visiting his dad Tommy Lee Royce (James Norton) in prison and he’s got another visit planned this weekend.

** Tangent! I think it’s actually a good thing that Ryan sees his dad, but then I don’t believe in evil incarnate as Catherine does. She’s got all sorts of reasons for that, Tommy is a rapist and murderer, but by keeping Ryan away from him entirely, she’s creating a myth about Tommy Lee that is going to be irresistible to his son. Better for Ryan to see his dad as the flawed sociopath he is than build up a larger than life image. But that’s just my opinion!

The thing is…Ryan is under 18 and can’t go by himself, so he’s clearly being aided by someone, in this case a man and woman that almost certainly have to be his aunt Clare Cartwright (Siobhan Finneran) and her boyfriend Neil Ackroyd (Con O’Neil). That is going to absolutely be seen as betrayal by Catherine, who has had protection orders in place previously.

Inspector Mike Taylor (Rick Warden) explains all this to Catherine, she can’t take it all in.

She calls Neil spineless and Clare weak, goodness, Catherine, I know, I know but she’s your sister and what you mean is that she sees things in a slightly less black and white fashion. She might be asking for this Saturday off, which means Mike’s comment about her not overreacting will be a faint memory come Sunday.

Ryan’s always had a bit of conflict at school, apparently switching schools helped but now he’s a teenager and getting into it with his football coach Rob Hepworth (Mark Stanley). I’d say most of this is pretty normal, with the unfortunate complication of his coach being a psychopath.

We know Hepworth can’t take a joke, beats and assaults his wife regularly and now we know his obsession with locking things carries on past his own kitchen to the school where he’s locked Ryan’s bike together with a friend’s.

By locking things, I  mean having absolute control over everything in his purview, this can go nowhere good.

So we’ve got Hepworth determined to punish Ryan like a six year old up against Ryan who is desperate to be treated like an adult. Ryan’s friend already took responsibility for the joke Ryan is being punished for, but that’s far beside the point at this time with Ryan and Hepworth shouting imprecations at each other across the schoolyard.

Again: Hepworth is, at least chronologically, the only adult in this shouting match and the only one with any authority.

It’s Ryan’s aunt Clare who gets all the joy of Ryan’s lost temper of kicking himself off the football team, interesting that there’s been no call home from the school yet because we know Hepworth likes to use authority in a strictly punitive way.

Ryan’s temper is a thing to behold. Let’s not forget that although he is quite young, he’s a big, strapping kiddo clearly capable of causing physical harm, even if only to the contents of his room.

We switch to our budding drug kingpin, Faisal Bhatti (Amit Shah), just long enough to see that he is a man on desperately thin ice who can only think about all the money he needs to give the much meaner drug kingpins whose business upon which he accidentally intruded.

Back to Catherine, who is still closest to her ex-husband Richard (Derek Riddell) and the only one she’ll be disclosing this new information about Ryan’s visits to. She won’t waste her breath confronting Clare or Neil, she’ll just observe them.

Like a lion observes an antelope basking in the noonday sun by a lonely watering hole.

Richard asks for a meet (course he does), a reporter, he’s got his eye on Darius Knezevizc of the Bradford City Council. We heard about Darius in last episode when Caroline’s boss Andy Shepherd (Vincent Franklin) was doing his level best to use Tommy Lee as a lever against Darius.

A now-calm Ryan sits on the couch watching TV with his aunt when Catherine gets home, Clare trying to hustle him into bed but Ryan wants to talk to Catherine NOW about the injustice of his removal from the football team .

You know, I love Clare but her laughing as Ryan explains the joke his friend shouted that caused this whole ruckus is not…helpful.

Oh, I didn’t realise Clare had moved out. Catherine lets her walk home alone at 11:00 at night in Happy Valley and that’s when Clare first gets scent of something being wrong.

Catherine smokes alone and removes her affection from her sister, one text character at a time. She just looks so sad.

The knowledge of Ryan and Clare’s deception against the very core of Catherine’s beliefs lies heavy in the air between Ryan and Catherine as they chat later still. She doesn’t respond to his rote “love you.”

Ryan defends himself, but at least owns up to what he actually said, so Catherine gives us a primer in how to deal with dickheads. The trick, she says, is to negotiate around them so deftly they don’t even realise you ever thought they were dickheads.

Speaking of Hepworth, we learn rather a lot about him from his wife Joanna (Mollie Winniard) who has been having an affair with Faisal of the drugs, and getting the drugs from him as well. Faisal made some promises around getting a flat for her and her children, which he can no longer afford to do and also: has zero inclination to do anyway. She is demanding and enraged that he isn’t following through on something he is framing as a vague suggestion, I’m guessing this was much more concrete in her mind.

Joanna threatens to expose Faisal as the source of her drugs; she really ought to think that through to its logical conclusion. He wouldn’t be able to help her then, and he’s much less likely to do it willingly with that hanging over him.

What we learn about Hepworth is that his treatment of Ryan is part of a pattern. He will find a young lad to fight with from a background with lax parenting (I BEG YOUR PARDON), break them down, then build them up to worshiping him.

I mean. Hepworth, you are definitely barking up the wrong tree with young Ryan Cawood.

Young PC Ann Gallagher (Charlie Murphy) is out on patrol with PS Shafiq Shah (Shane Zaza), she’s just been made CID! Congrats, Ann! That means you won’t be knocking on many more doors, so we’ll just watch the ones you’re at right now very, very closely.

Wait! I have to apologize for getting the very wrong end of the stick in episode one and being absolutely sure I had the right end and I was WRONG. Tommy Lee Royce did not kill Ashley Cowgill (Joe Armstrong) back in series one of Happy Valley, that was someone/s on a motorcycle. Sorry about that! I mean, they even showed us and I understood nowt. It’s been a while since I watched.

The reason I remembered this just now is that Catherine is also knocking on doors when she gets a call from her Richard, who wants to pick her brain about a certain Darius Knezvevics (I’m going to spell it different each time, surely one time it will be right!), currently running for Bradford City Council.

Catherine hangs up and runs after a familiar face, hallo Allison Garrs (Susan Lynch), one of our season two murderers! She’s out of jail, looks like, but not wanting any more help from Catherine, fanks. She relents and they share a cuppa and talk about her life in and out of prison. Allison’s doing surprisingly well for a convicted murderer, but there are safety concerns about the flats she’s in that have to bring to mind the Grenfell Tower Fire.

Reporter Richard is keen to find out about these dodgy window fittings and lack of sprinkler systems but Catherine thinks that’s the tip of the iceberg. This is all the Darius Knezewqiczs of the world.

Sorry, she looked so bright and lovely there.

When Richard asks about the connection between Darius and Tommy Lee Royce, the light dims.

Tommy leaves his cell, just in time to confront the tiny, terrified and extremely handsome prison chaplain who shopped him to the police, leading to his arrest and upcoming court case.

He directs inmates to a distraction to obtain something illegal and probably dangerous in prison, perhaps something shank-y for court. No! It’s a tiny little cell phone! It’s as long as your finger, look how cute it is! i don’t understand the message he gets:

“RICOS

NEWSAGENTS

GR8

PRESENT 4

RYAN’

That brings Tommy Lee immense joy so it must be very bad for everyone else.

I just feel like Tommy Lee Royce is a dish best served across the room, in a cage, without the ability to speak or make eye contact.

Catherine is called to Ryan’s school; it would seem someone has defaced Hepworth’s car with obscene and anatomically correct drawings along with freeing the air trapped in the tires. I would fully believe that Hepworth did that to get Ryan in trouble.

Remember that Hepworth did not recognise Catherine as Ryan’s guardian when he called her to his house to arrest his wife for drugs? He’s doubly shocked to see Catherine there at the headmaster’s office to discuss Ryan, AND asking about his wife, no less!

Headmaster David Baines (John Tueart) review the charges against Ryan, they have no idea what to do when they come up against a working and very experienced detective. The first thing Catherine does is frisk her grandson.

Welcome to my life; trying to hug and cuddle my kids that are suddenly sounding and looking very much like grown men several inches taller than me.

Let’s just say the meeting does not go the way Baines or Hepworth expected it to. Catherine is hard on Ryan (as she probably was his mum), but she has his back 1000 percent, besides, the penis pic didn’t look anything like Ryan’s usual handiwork.

Catherine reaches out to her sister via text; Clare would tell Catherine if someone was forcing her to do something, wouldn’t she? Course, Clare says, so that’s even sadder, perhaps.

Faisal Bhatti desperately looks at rental flats to find something for Joanna, they’re all murderously expensive. Joanna looks like much relaxed at home, cooking massive amounts of food and listening to music while drinking wine.

I’m concerned. How did she get into the food cupboards and fridge? We know Hepworth keeps them locked up and he’s also had a very bad day, drawing peni all over this own car and emptying and filling his own tires all over the place.

Thank you for not showing us what happened when he got home, I’m only sorry the kids had to hear that. Poppy asked after: “why doesn’t Daddy like you?” but Joanna has no response.

She tracks down Faisal at lunch the next day, he’s frantic but she’s horrifically covered in bruises and determined: he will save her and her children. Or Faisal can help her kill Hepworth?

She tries a variety of methods, cajoling, threatening, wheedling but maybe the fact that Hepworth knows where Joanna got those drugs from will be what nudges Faisal into giving Joanna the ketamine or other murdery chemical she wants to kill her husband with.

Catherine drives right by Fasial as drug thugs drive by him, she’s got a job for Allison and he’s got a new target for his thugs: someone named Tahir.

See, when the drug runners threatened Faisal’s family, they specifically threatened his daughters but now he’s asking them to check on his son Tahir. Does he even have a son? He does not AND they know that so maybe that was a fishing expedition. Like, a super stupid one, but Faisal’s not exactly a criminal mastermind.

Fair to say, nobody’s having a great day.

That was Friday, today is Saturday, aka the Day Ryan Is Sneaking Off To See His Dad Tommy in Prison Under His Grandmother’s Nose.

It’s so awkward, so so awkward watching Ryan lie to Catherine. She follows him in Allison’s truck to Leeds, watching as he walks in with Neil.

If we thought the conversation with Ryan lying to his grandmother’s face was bad, wait until we hear the awful conversation between Clare and Catherine on the phone as Catherine stares at her sister’s back and Clare tries her best not to lie. It ends when Catherine joins her sister at her table.

Until next time, loves.