Hi guys! Welcome back to Invite Only Cabo where World’s Best Laugher Larry Sims is dealing with two of his pals smashing wobblies with toasted and his “just friends” Cookie possibly allowing some Random to rest his hand on her oceanfront property (I don’t think so either) and it couldn’t be more fun. To not be dealing with any of that. Rolling S1:E3 Blame It On The Alcohol after the break!

Things were a little tense when we left off; Bianca Banks crying because she felt humiliated that Larry brought up Back and Crack Gate in front of everyone instead of taking her aside and Larry stalking away coz he was fed up with the DRAMUH.

Everyone else is just waiting to get a chance to tease Emily Moses and Agu Ukaogo about their “cuddling” the night before because it is FUN DRAMUH! You know, because we’re not Emily’s boyfriend Joseph, who might not dig the shenanigans. She should probably tell him right skippy, at the very least before it airs.

Larry is OVER IT

But I mean, that’s what vacations are!

Here’s the problem in a nutshell: Bianca thinks Kamani Alana telling Larry about the possible bumgrab was targeted; specifically meant to drive her and her boo Larry apart. But. Kamani doesn’t seem the least bit interested romantically in Larry, probably because they danced together 10 years ago and she knows the fur rull deal.

Jermane Britton is hanging in there and talking with Bianca, but it’s clear he and Agu think she’s tripping. Bianca is of the opinion that if Kamani was so concerned about Larry, she should have said something when he was dancing with other women after he kissed Bianca.

Um

But Kamani doesn’t know you, Bianca. She’s Larry’s friend. How would she know that was a Momentous Sweet Sixteen Never Been Kissed Kiss that must be immediately followed by shunning all members of the opposite sex?

Jermane confirms what I already suspected: Larry does not do drama. Once he realises you’re more interested in projecting / protecting an image than hanging with Mr. Cooper, he’s owt.

I felt like this myself lately; I’ve decided that the next time a grown person asks me to help her decide whether a grown man likes her or not that I will just punch myself somewhere padded so I can remind myself to not listen. I can’t do games like that, I lack subtlety. I just walk up and ask.

Bianca regroups and gets fancy to invite the gang to a club called Me. I hear swimup bar, I’m in! Sloe Gin Fizz, hold the gin, woo hoo! Me is purty

There are hookahs (not the tragic type), bottle service, it’s lovely! Swimming with cocktails, aww, it looks fun, right until Bianca asks Larry to marry her

And then everybody has to get out of the pool while they clean the filter. I’M KIDDING. But Larry IS shocked, they were broken up a minute ago and never actually dating at all. Is this like when couples that are fighting have a baby to save the marriage? Larry, you can’t have a Divorce Marriage like a Divorce Baby, you just can’t.

He straight up asks where this is coming from when they’ve never ever talked seriously about being together even, what’s that about? She doesn’t want to talk about that and now he’s starting to feel like she’s testing him, which is not cool.

Games games games GAMES GAMES GAMES games

They part with her angrily “cheers!” ing and bailing because she didn’t want to talk about the fact that they have no serious relationship and he wouldn’t answer whether or not he would marry her. I MEAN

Larry grabs Agu for a walk and talk; Agu’s down for a Cabo wedding on the beach, wut wut! Larry just doesn’t get it. Malaku has a whole conversation with Bianca about what happened without her saying a word, he is hilarious.

We’re talking about Agu and Emily again; Larry pushes for details and now we know nobody got any rocks OFF that night and that’s probably more and less information than we needed. And what about Kamani? Agu still wants to date Kamani; Larry suggests he take her on a date outside of the house and are they crazy? You think Kamani is going to run backup to EMILY?

Back at the house, Kamani falls UP the stairs then heads to the bar for a cocktail, where Agu is pouring instead of Malaku. He asks her to go out for lunch; she makes him wait a full two minutes while she checks her schedule, moves around “sleep until 2 pm” and “wash my hair” and slides him in just under “one last chance because he licks his lips a lot.”

Did I mention how haaawt Agu is? Honestly, I hope he doesn’t have a hard time getting taken seriously, thankfully he doesn’t seem to take himself too seriously either, which is refreshing to see.

Kamani thinks she’s a Bentley and Emily is a Pinto, which they don’t even make any more, but sometimes when you’re drunk, you’ll get into whatever has wheels to get you home, you feel me?

Agu fills Larry in on his upcoming date; then talk turns to Larry and Bianca, who walks in at the tail end and then storms out.

I didn’t check IMDB yet but exactly how many episodes is Bianca in?

Jermane doesn’t get it either; Larry and Bianca are going to have to work on their relationship

Jermane, I get it, they talk a lot and get jealous etc etc but if they aren’t smushing their wobbies together AT ALL: they aren’t a couple. Period.

Kamani is ready for her date; all purty but with open sides on her dress and no ginch whatsoever. Gurl. You can’t compare yourself to Emily, every time you do you sound like you think she’s competition! Emily was the Pinto on wheels at Drunk O’Clock earlier, you’re just disrespecting yourself with that. You’re haaawwtttttttt, like, almost as haaawwwttttt as you think you are.

Agu covers up one of her nipples and asks whether she has a lot of guy friend or girl friends? I’m calling No Friends, because she doesn’t strike me as the type to need a lot of chatter around and also doesn’t suffer fools gladly. And I’m right! She says girls are jelly and sure.

They don’t seem to have a lot of chemistry, amirite? You could smell it on Agu and Emily from the second they met, they’re much more reserved. Maybe that’s because it’s more serious?

We get into it right away; Agu swears that Emily was the aggressor which makes Kamani and I snort at the same time. Did I mention he told Emily to stay put in his bed while he went to tell the other folks about the pizza that night? Totally did. Oh wait, he’s not even attracted to Emily! Gurl. See the paragraph above.

Kamani isn’t taking any prisoners, or any excuses like Being Drunk, they’re too old for that. She totally doubts his intentions towards her. I’m telling you Kamani, use that beautiful man for a workout you both won’t forget and move on.

Emily looks purtyyy; she woke up like dis! Larry is still sitting with Jermane thinking on Bianca; she tells him right away to be only talking to Bianca about it. It’s tough when Bianca doesn’t have her listening ears on, but really: that’s the only person he should be talking to. Larry knows.

Kamani keeps going over and over and over Agu kissing Emily, until he apologizes. To her. For kissing another woman when he is single. And not dating Kamani. I think he just wanted her to stop talking, because she was at the point where she was bringing up what a double standard it would be if she had done the exact same with one of his friends.

She plays with her hair while smiling, so I think he’s forgiven but he doesn’t get to hear any personal details yet, he’s still in the doghouse.

Agu. This is BEFORE you date this woman! Proceed with caution

Kamani does talk a little bit about herself, though and she’s so right when she said she needed some time off after her last relationship. It’s so easy to just jump into the next thing to heal, everybody needs a breath. They leave things on good terms; if he manages to not mess with Emily again he has the beginning of a shot with her.

Jermane can’t swim, so Larry gives him some lessons in the pool while Agu opens a bottle of champers. Jermane’s so cute

Everyone’s making supper (Emily has her hair tied up, yay!) so Larry takes Bianca aside for a chat. He can’t figure out how to not offend her, because his breathing seems to do that at this point.

It goes downhill from there.

It ends with a veiled threat for her to leave if she isn’t happy, she fakes a smile and they say it’s cool. WHAT EVEN JUST HAPPENED??

Malaku and he chat a bit after; it’s headed for the border! Malaku knows Larry hates confrontation, it’s just that here the can’t avoid it because it’s walking around with it’s nipples out, you know?

Supper time! It’s a feast tonight; early Thanksgiving in Mexico! And just like Thanksgiving, things get tense after five good minutes. Malaku asks how Agu and Kamani’s date went; Emily wants to know if she came up? Of course you came up, Emily!

Emily’s explanation of the night, basically: she doesn’t remember doing anything but if she did, it was because Kamani was mean to her and Agu comforted her and it was a reflex. That she doesn’t remember. If she did anything.

Kamani and I:

I do agree with Emily when she calls Kamani out for making statements about her continuously fucking up, she just met Emily! She can’t know any of that. She’s frustrated, not understanding where all this judgement is coming from: none of these people really know her, except for Larry. She seems like she’s asking genuinely, but Kamani makes a point of asking her to lower her voice.

How come it’s always the people that say shit to rile you up are the first ones to tell you to hush, you’re getting too riled? Why is that?

Kamani accuses Emily of having smoke and mirrors going on and I had to laugh at that. Emily is about as deceitful as a toddler; everything she thinks is written on her face. Worst.liar.ever

They have a good talk after everyone else goes to get dessert (for real, 6 people to carry one little flat layer cake); Emily is incredibly worried about what happened with Agu, she let her party persona take over and now she’s regretting every second of it. She’s worried about Joseph and trying to keep a happy face on for everyone, but churning under water. Kamani calms down and sees Emily, finally, they make up.

Emily tosses and turns all night, thinking about Joseph, who looks like a straight up suitcase pimp. Girl, please tell me you did not invest any money with this man. I don’t like to make snap judgements but one second in I’m already shielding Emily’s 401K with my body.

They’re going ATVing! What we call quadding her in Canada, but when in Rome. Lookit how stylish these mohos are:

That made me laugh; sooooo serious. I think Jermane’s robbing a bank on the way

And they’re off! Bianca jumping in behind Larry like a pouty toddler makes me and Jermane sigh; they’re not talking, but she’s not gonna let him forget her either! Well, they’re KIND of talking, the “I love you”s are flying every which way, but not REALLY talking.

Kamani and Agu are racing on the ATVs, both standing up and she hits something and goes down hard. She’s hurt and not moving. The Mexican workers stabilize her and an ambulance arrives while Emily, Malaku and Larry cry. Wait, did I say ambulance? I mean they strapped her into a crazy carpet and loaded her into a crew van with the seats pushed all the way back. The ambulance is later and Malaku is completely overcome talking about it; he’s worried about Kamani’s kiddos and we’re out.

The preview for the next episode shows Larry mayyyybe proposing (so not happening) on Bianca’s birthday, so I’m guessing Kamani is fine. Until then, you guys! Peace oot