I could not believe last episode of Last Tango in Halifax, you guys. So much wonderful, so much incredibly not-possible. Let’s roll after the break.

I’m already feeling shaken again just listening to Caroline wail in the Previously On, one of you needs to give me a hug! Okay, maybe I was wrong after all!! Kate’s okay! She’s watching Caroline dress and whew, DON’T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!!! I did wonder about a coma or paralysis. Now all the Facebook comments I’ve read lately make no sense to me, but Dixie’s silence did. Hmmm.

They are English-arguing, which means very politely disagreeing about the possible name of the wee girl bebeh swaddled between pillows at Kate’s feet. Be a love and zoom in, will you? Sounds like Laura Grace is the winner, but I don’t think Caroline really likes it. Nope, it’s actually Flora Grace! Flora was one of the names Flora was waxing poetic about to Celia that one day when she spilled the beans about their wanting a baby!

Kate says all of Caroline’s going on about Flora has put her off it now, “No I haven’t” smiles Caroline, but Kate’s not having that, either. “Don’t talk to me like that. That’s how men talk” and isn’t there more shifting of the goods involved?

“She’s your baby” says Caroline, but Kate corrects her “she’s OUR baby” and there’s a knock at the door. It’s William and what? Caroline’s alone in the room, Kate isn’t there in a corporeal sense and that’s just not cool, you guys.

He’s there to tell her the hearse has arrived and HOW MANY CRY BREAKS AM I GOING TO NEED?? That’s why she’s in black, standing there forlorn by the mirror talking to Kate’s ghost. She’s so beautiful in spike heels in that gorgeous room all in yellow with the wee baby on the bed.

The service talks about time, a time for purpose, a time to be born (cut to wee Flora being held by her grandmother), a time to die (the day after a wedding, that’s the time? That’s the time for someone to die? I can’t even get mad any more, it’s just devastating) and we cry with Flora.

Outside, Caroline tells Celia and Alan Flora’s name, lots of eyebrow raising but kind words from Alan. Oh my goodness, Kate’s mother is Miss Claudette from Orange is the New Black! I mean she’s Ginika (Michelle Hurst); Caroline tucks her into her car.

Back at Harrogate, Ginika holds onto the baby while pointing out Greg to Celia, I wonder if there will be a paternity push? Does anyone else just feel drained by the weight of this loss? I really hope there aren’t any realistic plot mechanizations here, I don’t think I could take it. Ginika calls Greg an idiot, but Celia thinks they all are, aren’t they?

John comes up just then, Celia introduces him to Ginika, who is a professor of Economics at Columbia. He takes a moment to explain his CV (nobody cares, John, but thanks for trying to brush your hair at least. Pity all your razors are broken) but she knows of him! She’s even read his books, AND liked them! She calls one interesting, entertaining and insightful and John is just so excited! I almost feel bad for him when William calls him away to move his car, he’s blocked in a guest who left her purse at the crematorium.

Ginika’s picked up immediately that Celia (and I) don’t like John (I’m sorry, it’s almost knee-jerk at this point), but then she herself didn’t like Richard, Kate’s first spouse, and her mother didn’t like her first husband either. “Maybe it’s a thing.” Did Celia’s mother like Kenneth? Celia’s mother LOVED him! Ginika says she likes Caroline, Celia chimes in that she liked Kate as well. I’m trying to decide it I have enough energy to yell at Celia, because she most certainly did NOT like Kate.

We’re on the History is Written by the Victors / Living Bus now, though, Celia admits to maybe not being as “kind” as she may have been, and that she maybe struggled a bit. Struggled.a.bit. Let’s call it that, and the Eiffel Tower a great drafty place that might have a little bit of historical significance. We do get a clear view of the wee Flora Grace, she’s GORGEOUS! All chubby and Hawaiian looking, oh she’s just adorable.

Greg (have I said his name yet? I don’t think so. It’s Marcus Garvey, just in case I haven’t) stops Caroline in the hallway, he couldn’t not come, and he’s not supposed to ask, but how is the baby? And he couldn’t see her, could he? She says that wasn’t the plan, and I know you aren’t supposed to comment on a recent widow’s lipshade, but that light pink Caroline wears is just so becoming.

What follows is an achingly awkward conversation where Caroline tries to hold it together while Greg brings up everything people would have wondered: sorry you ended up with the baby you didn’t want and this whole scene reminds me very clearly of one in Happy Valley series 2. I believe it was when Catherine Cawood was meeting Frances Drummond at her house and she said something along the lines of “even if you don’t know that he (Tommy Lee Royce) raped Becky, you KNOW he raped Ann Gallagher”; that felt very much like the Sally Wainwright addressing public perceptions. It could also be that she can read minds, because the episode before that, I’d thought that exactly. Well, even if it’s murky about Becky, I remember the scene with Ann Gallagher tied to a chair very clearly in series 1, so. And I did wonder about Caroline having this baby now, but I could see that would be a great way to keep a bit of someone alive, which is what I tell myself about The Walking Dead, when I’m not swearing about it.

He’ll leave, but he just wants to throw this out there: he’ll look after Flora if ever needed, he’s self-employed and able to help and just…anything. He’s so sincere and choked up that we choke up too, and she relents, telling him that Flora is in the kitchen, he can go say hi. But…the thing is…Ginika thinks he’s an idiot, so…she helps him, because of course she does, ferrying him into the lion’s den.

Ginika absolutely does not like Greg at all, but she grudgingly hands over Flora and watches disapprovingly while Caroline and I watch with tears in our eyes. He is a moron, but my goodness him with that baby.

Celia asks Caroline; has she seen Alan? Yes, he’s gone out for a smoke with Chris. And Caroline just let him? He has a HEART condition, Caroline! Off stomps Celia while Caroline and I go back to watching Greg with his wee biological offspring.

Alan is indeed smoking, stubbing it out with an “oh shit” when he sees the dragon lady approacheth. Is he SMOKING? I dunno, is he an ADULT, Celia? Has he been one for 6 decades or so, most of that without your help? Just checking. Oh and this Chris (Nicholas Goh), wow. Chris is, well, he’s the hottest mathematician I’ve ever seen.

Sorry, sorry, Celia’s still haranguing our Alan; she thought she knew him! “Women, cigarettes” and this is going to be one of those relationships where one person cheated once (on them or on someone else) and then they get reminded of it daily, and they get to do all the chores for evermore? As in “Honey, can you pop that rubbish out on the back deck?” “Oh no, you cheated back in ’57 so you’ll be TAKING OUT THE GARBAGE, my love.” I can see it already. And also to bring that up in front of this Chris that she just met, I mean.

Celia’s decided turnabout it fair play, asking (hawt) Chris for a cigarette for herself, see how Alan likes it. If I were Alan I’d have two, one on each side and a G&T in the middle. Chris bails while Alan and Celia chuckle. Whatever, yo. I’ve had enough of those two and their weird relationship.

I feel as though Kate dying, like, actually dying, has taken the wind out of my sails as to all the little quirks I used to find funny or nice and shout-y making. I just want a drink and some kind of resurrection ceremony. Did anyone else feel like that after?

Gillian’s comforting Caroline now, who manages to get in what I HOPE isn’t a dig about people who didn’t show up to the wedding. Gillian reiterates / mumbles that she was busy, er-ooh, yeah. Caroline points out the two people in the room with the most genetic claim to wee Flora, Ginika, who’s barely released her this entire time, and Greg, who’s practically on top of her. That has to feel like pressure, especially since Greg was nice enough to say all those things about Caroline not wanting a baby anyhow earlier.

Caroline’s not anything, she says, but she is the legal parent, it’s on the birth certificate! Flora has colic, she says, but she looks so calm. Caroline says it’s like flicking a switch at 6 pm, from then until 3 am, she screams. Caroline cries herself, she thinks Flora is calling for her mother, but it’s colic, she knows that, but it doesn’t feel like that.

Lawrence glares at the baby as she cries, he doesn’t know what’s it’s FOR. It just cries and shits and anyway, it’s not even theirs, why do they have it? You know, I thought Lawrence was just a Teenager, but I really think I’ve been unfair to teenagers there. So many are lovely, caring and not self-centered little shites, they’re not all like Lawrence is becoming. And to be honest: always was. William tells him off, yay! But you know Lawrence is almost a write-off at this point, personality-wise.

Caroline comes out to help see to the baby, but Gillian’s been rocking her and she won’t have it, they’re in love, they’ve bonded! She was just about to take Flora out for some fresh air, John suggests driving. Something about the vibration and the noise, it’s like being in the womb, and all very D.H. Lawrence, he says. Erk, think Gillian and I. Driving is a good idea, though, but there was an open bar, soooo…Celia throws in a plug for the pink velour hat and jacket she and Alan bought Flora, and with that, Gillian is out.

Celia comes to comfort Caroline while Lawrence stomps out: he can’t stand the crying. There is news of the people who killed Kate, they were charged with theft, reckless driving and manslaughter, but they’ve already been released on bail. Nobody knows what to say about that.

Celia’s starts on the dishes, offering John a tea-towel for wiping up, but he thinks he’ll pop out for some fresh air…he’s so predictable. I will say, Gillian looks absolutely lovely, her hair is a lighter colour and it looks brushed.

Caroline’s in talking to Alan while Celia gets the tea ready, she asks how they’re doing these days. He’s in bother for smoking, she asks if he’s out of the doghouse for the last yet? He thinks it’s on hold, so she tentatively asks if there are any OTHER skeletons in the cupboard? That he hasn’t mentioned?

He says no, no! He’s not Kenneth! But upon further reflection, maybe he kind of was. He was fond of Eileen, but he knew all along that wasn’t what he really wanted. When they had Gillian, that frightened him, he thought that was what he wanted, but all he could feel was “is this it?” Caroline cries, but that’s because he’s casting aspersions on her dad, you see. Celia was no prize to live with, clearly.

Celia’s being the Mother, pouring tea for all three as she carps on some more about Alan smoking. Caroline thinks he’s quite within his rights to have one tiny little cigarette at 76, without being treated like a six year old. “We’ll find out he’s a Russian Spy next” Celia carries on. She’s so passive aggressive… it’s just a joke! I’m making fun! I’m telling people I don’t know that he has skeletons in his cupboard to do with women because he is mine to humiliate! I married him! He’s disappointed me in something completely unrelated to me, so I get to rake him over the coals whenever I like and yes, he WILL FOREVER TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE!

Celia supposes Caroline doesn’t understand, being perfect. “Perfect-ish” corrects Head Teacher Caroline. She’s not really listening as she cries and stares at Kate out the window.

John catches up with Gillian, he says “predictable” too! He tries to start up again, but she cuts him off immediately, she and Robbie are getting married. She accepted two weeks ago, but they didn’t want to tell anyone until after the funeral. The thing is, John thinks he’s needed here at Harrogate with Lawrence (Lawrence needs something, that’s for sure), so he won’t be able to help her out financially as he thought he would, as he offered. Nobody thought that was going to happen after she chose Robbie, right?

He thanks her for her understanding, just one more thing: it’s a mistake. But no, she doesn’t care what he thinks. I think in that moment I finally saw that he actually did care for her, she wasn’t just some new object to cling to when Caroline or Judith were fed up with him. Bittersweet.

She lays it out for him very clearly, which is absolutely necessary in this family: NOBODY KNOWS WE’RE ENGAGED. Don’t tell ANYONE. Got it? FANKS

Caroline’s at her desk, as we saw her waiting for Kate, all light but dim, looking up nannies. She snaps out of it, starting to take notes, when Gillian comes in. Flora’s asleep, she’s a sweet baby when when she’s not “screaming blue mur…screaming her head off.”

Gillian asks where everyone is; Celia and Alan are asleep in front of the telly, Ginika will be asleep, the latter prompting a “poor woman” which makes Caroline kind of harumph. “Poor you too” adds Gillian hastily, looking down.

Side note: Gillian sometimes looks like she’s been called on the carpet at school with Caroline, eyes downcast and mumbling with little peeks upwards to see how she’s doing. She does that a LOT with Caroline. Did Gillian have a bad time of it in school, or is it all the bad decisions she makes under the influence of several bottles of wine that puts her so wrong-footed with Caroline continually?

She takes Caroline aside to tell her about her and Robbie, good idea, given that absolutely nobody in this family can keep their mouths shut, except the timing… which is why she didn’t want to in the first place. Caroline sits on that couch where Kate had that anaphylatic shock, ah man. That’s what it’s like, even if we don’t see Kate again so Caroline can English-argue with her about baby names, we’ll see her everywhere.

Gillian starts from the wrong side, she knows Caroline doesn’t like her and Robbie together, but they’ve been seeing each other and now they’re getting married. Caroline can’t think about that right now, of course not. Gillian just wanted to head everyone off. She asks Caroline what’s going through her head, Caroline asks Gillian if she thinks she can live with it? Live with someone, sleep with them, when she’s murdered his brother?

Gillian and I take umbrage to the term “murdered”, Eddie put her through a lot and she didn’t say it was premeditated or anything, and maybe she did get all Burning Bed on him, but I think “killed” would work better here. Gillian stutters through an explanation, but Caroline can’t think about this right now. But. Caroline says it wasn’t she who came up with the “stay away from Robbie”, that was Gillian while drinking, Caroline was just agreeing with her. That doesn’t really account for the finger-wagging talk Caroline gave Gillian the next morning by the Jeep (ah the Jeep, which Kate was driving when she died).

Caroline tells Gillian to do what she like, what she feels comfortable with and it’s thisclose to a slap in the face, the dismissive and distant, but really, what else would you expect, telling your almost-sister about your upcoming nuptials the day of her wife (FOR ONE DAY)’s burial?

It’s very much like that earlier scene when Gillian and Caroline were just realising they were at odds; Caroline waving Gillian away with a “why am I apologising?” (for Alan yelling at Gillian for sleeping with John) and Gillian calling her a b*tch from the safety of the inside of her Rover, except that this time it’s Gillian muttering “like I need your permission” darkly while Caroline just looks devastated on the step.

No, Gillian, you don’t need her permission, but YOU were the one that decided you did, so glare at your own self in the rearview mirror or something, CAROLINE’S BURIED HER WIFE TODAY, YOU PILLOCK.

Flora cries and Caroline’s look to the heavens and then closing her eyes in resignation is all of it.

Small aside again: Sarah Lancashire really excels at the small things, it’s that, the extra-long second with her eyes closed that brings out the poignancy of the scene; she and Sally Wainwright are so very good together.

Back to normal now, Gillian’s working on the rock wall when Robbie pulls up. He’s got the tea on, asking how it went. And why didn’t she let him come anyway? Was she that concerned that Caroline would be worried about her choices? I think Caroline had bigger fish to fry, but I do understand that Gillian does not. Robbie asks if that ‘feckle piece of oily shite” was there HAHAHAHAHA, ah yes, John. He asks if she talked to him, not more than she had to, but Robbie can’t believe he was there anyway, at the funeral of his wife’s girlfriend partner and you know, they’ve said it enough, I’m starting to think Kate is really gone. They chalk up John’s behaviour to the insanity of the upper class, wanting to keep talking after divorce to prove how grown-up they are. I tried keeping up with an ex, all civilized like, but since I was having dreams of driving over him repeatedly with a car, I figured that was a relationship I could just let go. Wanker.

Raff’s been hanging out with Gary, hmmm. And Ellie’s took Calamity to her mother’s.I wonder how Yvonne did there. Babies are irresistible, for the most part. They are entirely to me, but some people don’t like them, which always makes me want to study them under glass.

He wants to know when they’re going to tell people about their getting married; today, yay! He’s happy. Now they need to think about what kind of a ‘do they’re going to have (I suggest a pub with cheesecake for afters), she thinks that will depend on budget, what have they got? He jokingly suggests she ask Gary, bringing her back right up and ahhh, he’s glorious when he smiles.

They do some brainstorming about the wedding, registry office, not church, maybe a BBQ / buffet with a marquee, of which I think I understood half (I know what a BBQ is! And maybe buffet, but he said it funny, so I don’t know if that’s the word) but DEFINITELY a honeymoon *sweeping look around the house* for two whole weeks. Maybe four! Somewhere really exciting like Australia!

Small aside: I love my Australian friends like almost no other (whut whut Veronica, Becks, Swivel and David!), but I would never want to go there: it’s too bloody hot, for one thing, and the ratio of things that want to kill me vs the things that want to touch me in the water: not favourable. So. Have a good time, kids!

Raff comes down then, he leans against the Aga (isn’t it sort of warm-ish all the time?) while they tell him he’ll be looking after the sheep while they’re off on their honeymoon, which is how they tell him they’re getting married. “Good luck, Buddy” *lowered voice and head* he says to Robbie, shaking his hand HAHAHAHAHA.

ANOTHER side note: I mentioned this before, but Raff’s lost a bunch of weight, hasn’t he? I usually try to refrain (usually unsuccessfully) from talking about the size of people’s bodies (unless there are lots and lots of sizes , LOVE that), but he is significantly different-looking, from the pudgy stage when Ellie was pregnant to now, he almost looks like Sean Penn circa Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Who’s invited, then, asks Raff, people from work? But er-ooh, not Cheryl, who’s name must never be spaketh in this house. He finally congratulates them both, calling them mad but happy for them. Oh and Gillian, call Gary, he thinks Gillian and Alan have fallen out with him.

At Harrogate, Celia and Alan are discussing nothing, perhaps Alan’s next garbage run, when Raff texts the news about Gillian and Robbie’s upcoming wedding.and also caught him up on the latest news: “she must have told that John tosser to eff off.” HAHAHAHAHA

Caroline’s negotiating with Flora; she wants to do her best by Flora, it would just help if she could stop doing all this crying at night. Her mum would have loved every single bit of her, oh Caroline. She shows us the little fingers and I can almost SMELL Flora. She advises Flora of the options; stop her if she says anything Flora doesn’t agree with.

1. Take early retirement. She’ll have to sell That Kitchen, but she has a not-unsubstantial pension. The only problem is that she still has ambition, and 47 (or 46, I assume there’s been a birthday in there, but it does not pay to assume anything on this show) is awfully young to throw in the towel if you’re still feeling all rammy. 43 too, by the way.
2. Get other people involved in Flora’s care: her mother. Have you met Celia? And John, Flora’s met John, right, he was the one going on about Rudyard Kipling while she was trying to have a nervous breakdown, he’s an idiot and that sounds about right.
3. A nanny

I know she’s still talking and you all know I love Caroline and Sarah Lancashire with my entire being, but it was all I could do to not mute the TV so I could just stare at Flora without distraction. What a gorgeous baby. Kate strongly disagrees with the nanny option, that was never part of the plan, she says. Neither was her dying, counters Caroline and is it odd that I’m glad I still get to see them together, even if they’re not really you know, together? Caroline mentions John, he was good with the little ones and in what universe could John childminding be considered an option?

Celia’s refereeing between Lawrence and William, lots of “knob” talk and Lawrence is going on about Flora not even being theirs and someone seriously needs to smack that out of him. He CANNOT keep saying that. He keeps calling Flora “IT” and if someone else doesn’t do it, I’m likely to slap it out of him in short shrift. William and Celia do try to give us a smile about sorting out who Greg was (not Gandalf, for the record, the tall, pasty-face gingery one with a sort of beard thing) but we’re still mad about Lawrence’s attitude, aren’t we? THIS CANNOT STAND.

Celia brings Caroline up a cup of tea, she knows how Caroline feels. Celia felt like that when her dad died, and hmmm. Her dad died the same year Caroline was born, and the difficult birth combined with Kenneth’s infidelity, she’s probably flashing all that emotional upheaval onto Alan cheating the year Gillian was born.

Caroline asks if she thinks it’s weird, being dead? No, Celia thinks once you’re gone, you’re gone, but Caroline has Kate lingering. I hope it’s a comfort. I wish I’d had that before, it would have been nice to make peace with my dad, maybe that’s why I’m drawn to shows like River, with their manifests and solving puzzles. ANYWAY.

Caroline’s driving herself mad thinking about how Kate must have felt during the accident, was she in pain, was she scared? Kate was such a peaceful person, and to die so violently, so unfair. Celia reminds her: life can be unfair. It will be tough for awhile, but Caroline will come out the other side. She’s resilient, clever and she hugs Caroline as we weep. This show.

Caroline recovers sufficiently to ask if Celia’s brought Ginika some tea? And now to discuss options; she can’t see giving up her job, that wouldn’t be good for any of them, would it? Would it? WOULD IT? finally prompting an answer from Celia, who apparently thought that was a rhetorical question (it was not. It’s funny how women are expected to explain their ambition and not immediately throwing in their careers when babies come along, unlike men, who are never expected to do that. Well, it’s not FUNNY, exactly), no, no she can’t do that. And can’t be a part-time Head Teacher, either, Caroline says, it’s not fair on the school. And she can’t have a nanny, Kate would have hated it. Celia sees where she’s going with this, saying she’ll try, but she’s 76, that’s kind of on the tired side of childminding.

Caroline is not planning to rely only on her, though, just in combination, Celia and Alan picking up the “odd..shift”. Celia asks if she knows that Gillian and Robbie are getting married and FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, CAROLINE, I know this is a stressful time, but please, DO NOT TELL YOUR MOTHER ABOUT THE LOG-SPLITTER EUTHANIZATION.

Hahahahahhahaha Celia asks what’s up? She doesn’t fancy Gillian, does she?? HAHAHAHA so Sally picked up on that, did she? I had wondered if that was deliberate.

Caroline’s asking John to help, er-ooh. Whut? He said he loves babies, and they love him, and I guess he did mourn the loss of his babygirl with Judith and it’s not like he’s DOING anything. I mean this in the best way possible: we get to keep John the tosser and we lose Kate the calm, what fresh hell is this?

He suggests helping out an hour a week, with 76-year-old Celia helping two days a week, which Caroline pushes back, but he’s right, Kate wouldn’t have wanted him watching Flora. She didn’t want him anywhere near the baby, although she did soften up a bit while he was clutching that stuffed rabbit with the pink-tipped ears. Caroline’s looking hard again, as when they talked about getting rid of Harrogate, she can’t give up her job and that’s it. I completely agree, I just think she needs to be realistic about her options.

Caroline presses; is he still looking for a place nearby? No. He counsels her; she’s going to have to be realistic. She has to see this is life-changing and find someone who knows how to take care of little people like this, not a patchwork of volunteers.

William’s back off to Oxford now, can she drive him to the station? He says goodbye to sleeping Flora, Caroline reminding him that she’s his sister, right, he knows that? Kate asks “now what?” from the back seat. Kate gives Caroline credit for how well she’s doing and brings up what I knew must be the next logical step, but one very difficult for Caroline: she’s got to take twerpy Greg up on his offer to help take care of Flora. He’s the only one that’s going to take care of her the same way Caroline and Kate would.

This feels like a marathon of a recap (even for me), if anyone’s still reading, thanks ever so, should we have a cup of tea? I’ll have coffee, maybe a biscuit? You lot are the best.

Caroline takes another run, what if she got a really good, really expensive nanny, wouldn’t that work? Kate wouldn’t speak to her, Caroline’s got Mary Poppins in her head (I hope not the book Mary Poppins, that women was a terrifying force) and she doesn’t exist. Caroline and I cry; she’s got all this to take care of by herself, how will she? It’s all on her.

Raff and Ellie are giving Gillian a hard time; didn’t John spend the night in her room just two weeks ago? Yes, but nowt happened, snaps Gillian, she doesn’t even think she likes John! Is she done with him, then, asks Raff “until next time” *knowing nod / smile combo* when did this kid get so smart / obnoxious?

Gillian thinks John is a bad influence, Robbie’s good for her. Oooh, and Raff did take a job with Gary, that explains the cockiness. He’s enjoying being the boss’s nephew, that’s for sure. Gillian warns him to not talk about John in front of Robbie, good job, Gillian! People have been taking decorum and silence for granted on this show, it’s nice to see that someone’s figured out you have to tell people explicitly not to say private things. Good luck with that!

Robbie’s outside in an apron, are they inviting Gary to the wedding then? Gillian says no, just a joke, just a joke! But Raff thinks Gillian doesn’t like Gary (she did), she’s jealous of him (she is) and doesn’t want nowt to do with him. Joking, only joking protests Gillian, but Robbie knows there was sommat to that. He asks her at the table later, doesn’t she like Gary? Well, she likes Felicity (she DOES?? Felicity is such a JERK?!), whom Robbie calls “round the flaming twist” hahahaha I am so using that! Gillian thinks she’s funny, but the real thing is that Gillian can’t get past the fact that Gary is a product of Alan cheating on her mother. Alan’s also all over the suave, successful Gary, and Gillian’s taking that to mean he’s much happier with that over “feckless knob” her. Robbie thinks she’s perfect. She grudgingly says she’ll call Gary.

Am I the only one that sees all the things she has to tell him sitting between them every time they are alone? As though it’s right at the back of her tongue and liable to spill out at any time?

Gary and Gillian are meeting; Gary presses her immediately: IS she happy to see him? She hasn’t rung, and Alan hasn’t rung, what’s going on?? He’s paranoid, which is very endearing, this suave, successful man being worried that his feckless knob of a half-sister hasn’t rung, and that relaxes her sommat.

She asks how Raff is doing, oh yeah, great, hey, he and Felicity are having trouble, apropos of nothing. Of course they are, that dinner party was a nightmare of drunken passive-aggressive attacks by Felicity on their marriage.

He thinks it’s all his fault, Gary was very angry after their lunch that day. Gillian wants very much to know about that, but they’ve got to swim through it indirectly, driving Gillian and I round the bend. He was mad that he can’t talk to his family about it, since they’re all dead, and he thinks his younger brother Adam was favoured over him and it’s frustrated him and made him jealous.

This is exactly what Gillian needs to hear, so she tries to chime in, but he’s STILL mad, he’s got to ring everyone all the time and good for him, an open and honest conversation with shouting and I kind of like it.

Ginika’s been sent home to New York, she’ll be back in the summer for two whole weeks with lots of stuff! We cry as she touches the beautiful Flora’s blanket as she leaves, ohh.

WAIT A MINUTE. There’s a lovely young woman arriving (with an umbrella. I MEAN), it’s a former student of Caroline’s and she’s going to be the nanny. This is Holly (Cara Theobold) and I am trying to be open-minded here, but that fecking Mary Poppins umbrella…

Has the agency explained the situation to Holly, how Caroline isn’t the biological mother? Not exactly, time for a cuppa and an explanation. Holly keeps up a steady stream of chatter as she goes on, so bright and cheerful and we’re out.

Well. What a large, thorny pill to swallow. I can’t barely believe Kate is dead, and that bit at the beginning, that wasn’t fair, was it? I do understand about the nanny, though, whatever Kate’s wishes, of course they will have to be considered, but Caroline alone is raising this baby and as unexpected Voice of Reason John said: she will have to do what is realistic. I’m surprised she didn’t include Greg, he so baldly wanted to be involved with Flora, but again, that is not what Kate wanted. It must be impossible to honour people’s wishes, especially since Kate didn’t have time to write anything down, Caroline just has to mine through all of their talks to suss out what she would have wanted best, gently arguing with herself along the way.

You know, as many large, impossible things happened along the way in this show: Gillian sleeping with Caroline’s then-husband (separated), Celia being an unrelenting racist homophobe, unexpected babies coming along willy-nilly, Kate’s death took everything to a completely different place, and I had a bit of trouble adjusting. Thanks so much for anyone who managed to make it all the way down here: Longest! Recap! Ever!, as always I can be reached by commenting here, emailing at [email protected] or on Twitter @gingesbecray. Be well, you lot.