Hi everyone, I know Mr. Robot season 3 has technically ended and been renewed already and been renewed for season 4, but we haven’t watched yet, have we? Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes!

Oh wow, we finally getta see what happened on 5/9! Elliot Alderson (Rami Malek) started the meltdown while Tyrell Welllick (Martin Wahlstrom) is amazed, it’s as though something has come alive!

Elliot retrieves the gun from the popcorn machine, but it’s Mr. Robot (Christian Slater) who holds it to Tyrell’s head. The gun jams as Mr. Robot fires, Tyrell laughs hysterically: this is proof! Mr. Robot reloads as Tyrell explains.

Tyrell knows he’s going to be responsible for Stage 2, the coup de grace for ECorp. I’m just shocked that Mr. Robot was actually going to kill Tyrell all along.

“Subtext, you know?”

He hands the gun to Tyrell, he needs Tyrell to protect him from himself. That will lead to a whole bunch later.

Outside is a Dark Army member briefing Irving (Bobby Cannavale), who is having a huge role aside from the fact we didn’t hear a whisper of him in seasons one or two.

Irving takes Tyrell’s phone and SUV keys, directing Elliot to leave and drive away in the SUV of Destiny he will be found in a few days later.

Apparently, if you’re seeing Irving, “you boys f*cked up.” Ohhh, Angela’s (Portia Doubleday) old boyfriend James, who the Dark Army was blackmailing, told Gideon who told the FBI.

I loved Gideon, Elliot’s old boss, I was so sad when he was murdered.

Tyrell leaves with the two Dark Army reps

And super quickly declines contact with his wife, which gives Irving pause. Hmm. Anyway, he’s stuck out in the woods, all he has to do is not leave the property and he will be fine.

Elliot is picked up right away and sent to jail for 8 months, pleading guilty with obscene haste. Or so it seems to Whiterose’s assistant Grant (Grant Chang). Whiterose (BD Wong) is more pragmatic about the result, sending a helper for Elliot in prison (hai Leon!) and siccing people on getting Elliot out faster. Grant pushes back.

Oooh Frank Cody (Erik Jensen) of Let’s Be Frank is on the Dark Army payroll too! Well, who isn’t? What the sam hill is Whiterose doing, anyway? Frank has 22 minutes with Whiterose, starting….NOW! He’s to start image rehabilitation of Tyrell Wellick and spread the rumour that fSociety is Iranian. One more thing; Whiterose has a presidential candidate to back. You might know of him, rhymes with Rump.

Back at the farmhouse, Tyrell meets Mr. Williams (Wallace Shawn from The Princess Bride!!!!!) who is not at all there to tell Tyrell where Elliot is in between bumps of coke. Before he commits his considerable resources, he needs to dig into Tyrell’s character with a series of questions.

Did Tyrell kill Sharon Knowles?

Did he kill Sharon Knowles?

Did he?

DID HE KILL SHARON KNOWLES??

No! Is our first lie, coz we totally saw that happen

Does he love his wife? Yes. Another lie?

Has Tyrell had sex with anyone else since he’s been married? No, which is Lie #3! He had sex with that dishy assistant to get access to the board member who was deciding on who would be named CFO of EvilCorp, and I think someone else…

Did Tyrell get fired from EvilCorp? No! Lie #4 and you get the picture, but then it gets weird with Mr. Williams hammering him over and over again about whether he hated his father and if he’s worried he’s turning into him, and whether Tyrell will be loyal to Mr. Williams.

A kettle screams in the background, distracting and torturing Tyrell, who’s finding it hard to think and answer correctly. He finally caves and tells the truth as Grant appears in the doorway. He hears Tyrell say he will not be loyal to Mr. Williams and turns away, but stops when he hears this.

Mr. Williams nods and explains Operation Red Wheelbarrow to Tyrell. Finally we see the fateful call to Elliot in jail, Tyrell frustrated with Elliot’s strange demeanor. Irving takes him outside for some woodchopping, which, turns out, he’s REALLY good at.

Gordon Lightfoot plays as we get a montage of Tyrell chopping wood in between watching his baby sleep on his hacked baby monitor. Thanks for the CanCon!

In the past, Darlene (Carly Chaikin) and Cisco (Michael Drayer) talk about setting the FemToCell via Angela, he wants to know when they can chill the eff oot, they aren’t like other couples who plans trips to Budapest and stuff.

Cisco pouts then leaves to wander over to Irving, who reminds him that Darlene is just a job. She has protection, he does not. We find that out later when Cisco is murdered by the Dark Army in front of Agent Dom and Darlene but neither of those two women are touched. Does that mean Dom is protected too?It has to, since that’s the second time she’s made it out of a Dark Army shootout in one season.

ANYWAY, Cisco hands over the FemToCell to Irving, who takes it to Tyrell.

Tyrell is confused by the extra code, who’s been tampering? No answers and he’s back to chopping wood to Gordon Lightfoot again, obsessing now about his wife Joanna who has asked for a divorce from her missing husband.

Tyrell has had enough and heads to town, looking exactly like Paul Bunyan but he’s terribly shaky, setting off cop radar immediately. One thing chopping wood doesn’t give you is a cardio workout, so he’s caught almost immediately by the local cops who even recognise him. Really?

He works and works at the handcuffs in the back seat and starts to bend his thumb backwards. I have no idea if that works for him because I AM NOT WATCHING.

Before he can do it (I think? DIDN’T WATCH) Agent Santiago (Omar Metwally) is there, shooting the cop and liberating Tyrell from the backseat.

Seriously?

Seriously, Agent Santiago? If this turns out to be a mafia thing where everyone is magically working for the same person and untouchable, I’m going to be piiiiiisssssed.

Back at the cabin, Tyrell ices his thumb (guess he managed something) and pouts while Agent Santiago complains about having to shoot a cop. I don’t think Irving likes Santiago very much.

Irving tries a new technique on Tyrell; he talks and talks about his life and his family. He had a falling out with his wife and lost contact with his sons. He was able to convince his wife that he could be a good provider and get a second chance, so he can spend his nights with his kiddos, popping JiffyPop and watching Big Brother. One day Tyrell himself will be able to walk home like that and be greeted by his wife. Spoiler alert: not exactly.

Irving was able to yank Tyrell back on track, he wants to get with Elliot and get Stage 2 rolling. Later we see Irving on his used car lot, explaining all the cheesy techniques he uses to connect with people. Like this “#1 Dad” mug right here! Then he heads home to watch Big Brother by himself while writing a novel about a dude with “meaty damn hands.”

Irving heads to jail next to check on Leon (Joey Bada$$), who suggests they get Elliot laid as soon as he gets out. Leave that to Irving, and does that mean he sent Angela at Elliot?

Irving finally collects Tyrell from his pastoral lodgings and they head to New York City and the Warehouse of Doom where Tyrell gets the gun back so he can shoot Elliot later on. Irving takes Tyrell to a fancy Asian hotel, following him with a very odd look. I would watch out, Tyrell.

Tyrell has only one non-negotiable; he wants to wear his suit so he can look his best for Elliot.

???

Gone is the beard, back is the tie. And then we’re in a cab with Elliot and Tyrell, but the meeting doesn’t go as Tyrell expects. For one thing, Elliot keeps staring at him.

Tyrell shoots Elliot when he tried to disable the attack

Tyrell paces while Elliot is treated medically in that dark, dirty warehouse; Angela hovering to keep Tyrell at bay and manage his calm. She is forced to explain why Elliot seems like two different people and just then, Mr. Alderson wakes up and we are out.

So. Hm. We spent all of season two asking Where is Tyrell Wellick and now we know that answer definitively! Or do we? They’re adding layers and layers and circumstances, neatly tying everything together around this magical Irving and I don’t like it. I do like seeing how they did everything, I just think it’s ludicrous that we’re supposed to believe that mystery man Irv has been Player Number One all along. Until next time!