Hi everyone and we’re back with Ordinary Lies. I won’t lie, I was going to do Car Share but realised I didn’t have any subtitles and I’m not gonna chance it. I hope everyone’s week started out well, mine’s holding steady and let’s get right to it after the break.

Tracy (Michelle Keegan) and Viv (Cherrelle Skeet) are going to Ibiza, going to Ibiza! What a crazy coincidence, I’ve had Mike Posner’s song “I Took A Pill in Ibiza” in my head all day and I’ve decided that if Mike has to take a pill to have Avicii think he’s cool: Avicii isn’t the kind of friend he wants anyway.

Emma (Cat Simmons) warns the receptionists: her Hen Night is right after they get back, they better be rested AND sans stripper for the party. Sorry Pete!

Beth (Jo Joyner) isn’t finding any of this jocularity amusing. Not only does the dealership have BOTH receptionists gone at the same time (hey that’s right, how did they get the time off together? Madness) next week, what about doing somefing while you’re here? She puts the blame squarely on Marianne (Manjinder Wirk) who was texting and calling Beth’s missing husband at odd hours in the months leading up to his disappearance.

Nice to see Marty (Jason Manford’s) rebounded after the sudden resurrection of his wife; I wonder how Grace (Rebecca Callard) is handling it? Some people will do anything to break up the monotony, but pretending your wife is dead is a new one on the “my wife doesn’t understand me” cliche.

Marianne knows what was behind the heat in Beth’s words; she follows Beth to her office and they go ’round again. Those were work calls! At 2 am. 5 times a night. No, Beth doesn’t believe you, DUH. Marianne’s response is unexpected

Tracy gets home to find her family already eating supper, she’s very pretty, isn’t she? Well, I think so, but she’s got all the usual accoutrements (streaked extensions, M.A.C. forcefield) blocking her face, so I can’t really tell. I think she looks like Kristin Davis with a less-fixed smile.

Ohhhh, wait, she’s not going to Ibiza, she’s going to the Dominican Republic. Why lie about that? Did you want Avicii to think you’re cool? I think Avicii has a lot to answer for right now.

Tracy’s boyfriend Jimmy (Danny Kelly) sees them off at the airport, she’s going to meet up with a couple of friends of his that he hasn’t met yet. That sounds totally legit! Have a good time at Brokedown Palace!

Bale (James Saintil) and Ronaldo (Omar Ogusto Luis) meet the ladies at the airport, they’re adorable!

Party time, excellent! The girls have a great time, dancing and drinking with strange guys and peeing on each other under the crystalline blue waves. Ronaldo and Bale are worried, though, these skinny girls (they don’t have food in England?) are drinking and talking too much. They remind Tracy: “you are here for a purpose, don’t forget it.” The light dims a bit

Back in jolly old food-less England, Grace has NOT forgotten or forgiven Marty, but she didn’t spill the beans either, ending his marriage. It wasn’t worth it anyhow, she figures, it wasn’t very good.

Her poor sad face!

Amelie (Lauren McQueen) is covering the desk in Tracy and Viv’s absence, I think she has a little thing for Ziggy (Fisayo Akinade).

Kathy (Sally Lindsay) has her puppy at work with her, he’s been depressed since his dachshund girlfriend Cheryl moved away. I think it’s Berenese Mountain Dog. Cheryl moved away with her mum after her dad found her mum in bed with the man from the fish shops: “that’s the trouble with adultery. It’s always the innocents that suffer.”

Is Mike (Max Beesley) in? He is, but in a rotten mood, hungover and his wife’s back. Since he and Beth have been buffing the back room with their tongues, I wonder how that development sits with her.

Viv and Tracy are having a great time in DR; dreaming of all the things they’ll have when they leave. Their hotel room gave me hives

Tracy’s looking stressed upon departure, though, going into the real DR, not the resorts that are but a vague approximation of life as wealthy in economically depressed areas with good weather.

Time to pay for their trip: they’re taken to a construction site to be given the drugs to mule, how the FECK are these women going to be able to get that many balloons in their bodies?? I wonder if that’s why they were chiding them for being skinny girls

Seriously, even ONE breaks and they’re hooped, how is this going to be physically possible for them? I can’t watch them do it, either, if it’s going to take 2 minutes per balloon. That just seems like a LOT of drugs for one person to carry in their bellY.

They’re directed to check in to the airport separately and not speak to each other, but they might as well be, the way they keep staring at each other. Viv might as well have “I am carrying 40 pounds of drugs in my belly” printed on her forehead; she gets flagged at the counter by Customs. Tracy makes it right through, having to leave her friend at the gate.

Tracy hides in the bathroom while two Customs agents take apart Viv’s suitcase; two senior officials come in and eye her up, speaking in rapid-fire Spanish. Then more. Then more again. One stares at her while checking her shoes, soooo weird and they won’t let her use the loo. And now it’s time for x-ray, shite.

You know, I was joking about Brokedown Palace!

Jason (George Bukhari) has a live one on the dock (??), but he needs Marianne to come be Bad Cop to seal the deal with the family. Beth happens by just then, ohhh, Marianne left her phone and computer open. Which will she go for first? Phone! And there are three Daves listed, one is “Dave ;)” come ON. That might as well be MrFun2000

Jimmy’s not exactly sympathetic about Viv being snatched by Customs, he wants to know where his drugs are. Let’s start with hers, here’s some cherry-flavoured laxatives.

Mike and Beth are having after-work drinks in his office, she gives him the Marianne update, turns out Marianne is married to a tongue-pierced cunnilingus aficionado. Lock that shite down, Marianne!

Alison (Belinda Stewart-Wilson) is there with the kids, drinks over! She’s been back for a week, how did Mike not find time to tell Beth?

Tracy’s got all the drugs out, why are they all yellow? Yellow? Jimmy’s useless, he has no idea what to do about Viv. He must be strictly small time. She better go back and get her friend. First she calls Viv’s family and tells them that Viv met a guy and won’t be home right away. He hands over the money; she can have anything she wants. Except Viv, which is all she wanted, it turns out.

Tracy gets to work, checking the international news: nothing yet. And she probably won’t give Emma ALL the gory details. She calls in sick for Viv but she’s unfortunately the worst.liar.ever. She calls the Consulate, who wants to know HER name. She threatens Jimmy, I don’t know if this is a good idea.

He shows up at the dealership, but he’s not doing this anymore, he’s done. He’s done with her, he’s done with her worry about Viv: he’s oot. Viv she was the decoy; she wasn’t carrying as much as the others and everyone else got through. Oh. Oh so THEY called on Viv so everyone else could get through. I thought Tracy and Viv’s balloon piles looked exactly the same, but whatever. How could Jimmy do that to his girlfriend? Unless she’s one of many, course.

Tracy’s rounded everyone for drinks after work. What was she thinking putting pics of her trip on Instagram? Ziggy picks out the DR license plates right away, how was she going to play off a completely different area? Amelie suggests that maybe they were in the Caribbean instead, hahahaha. Tracy jumps up and yanks her chain all over for wanting to sleep with Ziggy, honestly, Tracy.

Tracy stays up all night watching the news, coming in to find the news of her abuse of Amelie common knowledge. Gossips.

Three people pull up in a car in front of work, Tracy books it but there’s nowhere to go. She’s back in Mike’s office with Viv’s angry parents, Viv is in prison in the Dominican Republic. She blames it on “Viv’s” boyfriend Jimmy, jfc Tracy. Tracy’s mum is there too, she knows Tracy’s lying but she doesn’t throw it in there.

Tracy’s mum and brother search Tracy’s room, almost finding the money, but she finds them in time. She takes the money and drops it into a clean water donation tin, good for her. So one good thing that could come out of it. Oh. No, she kept it. And hid it at her work locker.

Marianne sees Beth watching her from across the shop, going back to get her phone, fanks.

Tracy is tortured by images of a terrified Viv far away, how can she fix this? The next day she ignores Emma’s long list of instructions for the Hen Party and sets out shopping. She squares her shoulders

Time for Hen Night! Everyone has a great time, except for Tracy, who’s doing shots solo and remembering partying with Viv. She passes out.

Jo’s a true friend, holding Tracy’s cape while she hurls in the street. She just wanted to be part of it, just wanted to be part of that world of money and clothes and big houses. Beth asks if she knew, but Tracy’s sober enough to deny. She crawls into bed with her mum for a cry, sometimes we’re all children.

Tracy wants to turn herself in, her mum isn’t about to let that happen without a plan. They will offer up Jimmy.

The news about Viv hits the dealership, EVERYONE has an opinion about her, about Tracy, and Mike has to come down hard to stop the open chatter. Emma can’t believe it, but Beth knows what’s up

Everybody has secrets. Every single person you know is keeping something to themselves something they can’t live with, or think other people wouldn’t be able to live with: it’s humanz.

Tracy is meeting with Detective Aziz (Ash Tandon) who explains that she will not be charged with anything at this point (good job mum!); they will be putting her under surveillance to catch Jimmy. She’ll have to testify as to this evidence, but all she wants to know about is her friend. Viv’s extradition is out of their hands.

Tracy’s mum had a plan for the money; it’s for Viv’s parents to get her back.

So. No clean ending there, that was unexpected but fortunate. We end with Marianne going into Beth’s office and admitting that everything she’s said has been a lie. What SPECIFICALLY? We don’t know, because we’re oot.

Well! I’m glad I couldn’t get subtitles for Car Share right off, because I liked this episode of Ordinary Lies much better than the first! I must have been in more of a mood for light this time, if you can call drug muling “light”. Until next time, you guys! Cheers