Welcome back fashionistas/os! I’m still behind on Project Runway, so I’m ready to head right into S15:E2 Just Fabulous with my pretend-uncle Tim Gunn and oh so fashionable tiny auntie Heidi Klum. Rolling with Zac after the break:

So last week we lost our first desi-testant, Ian Hargrove would not and could not change, but kudos to him for sticking to his (boring) guns. Let’s see who can wow us this week!

Lots of Monday-morning quarterbacking back at the hotel, of course, the ladies think Erin is a good-luck-charm and now they’ll win too! If only talent and work ethic was distributed by proximity… no, really, IF ONLY.

Brik, well, I’ve figured out why I love him so much: he’s a typical Banff beardy-boy, laid back and scrubby but gay and with a killer accent. HEAVEN. He’s thinking he needed to do more ruminating on what his girl was doing in her outfit: he was blinded by the 28 pounds of glitter. I’ve been there, boo.

That’s pretty common on Project Runway, a designer will fall in love with a piece of fabric and try to make it fit the model and the challenge and it doesn’t always work. CC: Edmond Season 14

Dexter already has his leather overalls with no shirt in a twist (seriously: sweat much? I bet it smells like somebody shot a cow sprayed with Drakkar Noir); he heard Cornelius was talking shit about his editorial looks and he will.not.have.it.

I’m going to save everyone in Reality TV land a whoooole lot of time: if you heard somebody has been saying things about you, GO ASK THEM! No, really, just ask them! “Were you talking shit about me? Do you not like my work?” Seriously, I’ll go put on the kettle and get the biccies, we’ll settle this over a cuppa.

YOU’RE WELCOME

Cornelius does seem to have a lot to say, but mostly he’s just immature. He thinks being safe “isn’t an option” for him. Remember when you were 24 and you thought you were gonna MAKE IT overnight and you also thought a pencil mustache meant you had style? Unless you’re John Waters, coz then you do, otherwise STFU

Heidi’s werking the runway today! She tells the designers they all look like they could use a little fresh air…Tim and a special guest (read: Sponsor suit) are waiting for them at a park. Laurence is just hoping they don’t have to fight it out for materials again, she twisted her ankle the night before, either from working or twerking and gurl, if it’s the latter, you gotta know when to hang it up. You start twisting ankles…

The Special Guest is a Just Fab suit (chief marketing officer) and the challenge is: blah blah marketing blah and then a bunch of women come out of thin air. There are 100 women of all ages and sizes: Tim calls them all fabulous and HE’S fabulous! The challenge is a little more general than usual; they have to come up with a look that could work for any of these women, not just the tall boneracks hunching in the back. You know I love you too, come out in front!

This is a really cool challenge, though, the winning look will go into production and be sold on JustFab. That’s badass, having your work wearable and in existence for everyone. Brik’s ‘CITED but wary, well, maybe wary, he’s not sure if that means what he thinks it means: he can’t Google right now.

Oh jeez, another one day challenge, but we getta Mood visit today, yay!!! I love it when we getta go to Mood! First everyone sketches.

At Mood, Erin headed right for the neoprene, I think I’ll have to see her pull-out-poofy-eat-snacks-jacket/dress in action to understand.

Laurence wants skin, but canea get the leather she wants so goes with an army green fabric with the same weight.

Linda’s distraction is leaving her without a backup plan, that’s not usually a good thing. However, if you’re into not-leather army green, Laurence just got several yards, she can probably help you out.

Awww we getta see Swatch for a scratch too! Oh he looks old, poor Swatch needs a break. Thank you Mood!

Tim leaves the designers with a plug for Brother sewing machines (WHERE’S MAH CHEQUE??) and we’re getting a LOT of Linda facetime this episode. Project Runway usually does that for those in danger, but I’m going to try to enjoy it anyway. Linda was a newsperson! On the TV and everything! She gave that up to raise her family (the skeptic in me wonders if she was forced out due to age AND THIS INSANE SOCIETY WE LIVE IN) and now this is her second career. Alex pumps her up and I like him for that.

Laurence is French! Of course, her hesitant speaking style and unusual name completely makes sense now! Well, maybe not French, but from somewhere they speak French, if you know what I mean. Like Switzerland or Haiti. Nathalia doesn’t do it right.

Cornelius is one of THOSE designers all right. He’s cut a pattern, but he’s gonna tear it up because he doesn’t want anyone to use it. Gurl, nobody’s interested in your stupid pattern, they all think they’re the next Christian Siriano, but better. This is the same kind of shite Edmond pulled last year, hiding his design until the last second. Pffft.

Dexter is giving wee Cornelius headspace, much as he swears he isn’t. He can’t keep Corny’s name out of his mouth and I think it’s a LITTLE early to say someone “always” does something, isn’t it? Worry about yourself, Dexter, don’t get mad, get first.

We get a montage of people loving Jenni’s laugh, but I maaay have muted it. I canea stand fake loud laughs, even if Dexter’s a fan

We’re also getting a LOT of Laurence screen-time, so until I see her design, Imma be worried about her leaving too. She gives us her backstory; fashion school and baby very young, then she segued into a modeling career about five years ago. Sometimes PR also likes to roll out biographies slowly in the beginning, so I won’t get clenchy just yet.

Laurence’s baby at 16 caused a huge rift with her dad, who had been her best friend. They never talked again and when he died in 2007 she had to make peace with it alone. That’s rough, man. I’ve been there, except for the best friend part. She’s super close with her daughter, so she guesses it was worth it.

Alex gets the first critique from Tim. He LOVES his organizational style and I do too! Alex was first done at Mood because he made a proper list (colour coded and EVERYTHING) and didn’t muck aboot. Respect! He’s doing a tapered pant and camisole and although it looks Already Available, Tim is encouraged.

Erin is so chill, hey? She’s added a chunky sequin for glitter and I didn’t even KNOW there were chunky sequins in smoke grey! SOLD! Tim is more frowny.

Tasha calls Tim BossMan, which he loves, but he’s less interested in her not-personal skirt. Hey! We getta Rik critique, so that means he’ll be sticking around and Safe for another week! Tim likes his shirtdress and even likes Jenni’s dropcrotch pants. I like a good lambskin dropcrotch like on Work Out New York, but her family doesn’t like the pants-pooping bottoms. Moar Jenni-Laughing.

Linda’s making a knit urban kimono in dove grey, it looks super heavy. Laurence thinks Linda’a made a wrong move with her unflattering knitwear, but we’ll see.

Critique montage! Tim cautions Laurence about whether or not her design will work for a plus size girl and I give you love for thinking of us ladies, Tim, but you’re wrong. Sometimes extra volume on a body with extra volume looks absolutely amazing. It’s just gotta be cut right.

Brik’s design looks COMPLICATED. And cheesy. And Blade Runner. 12 year old Jenni worries about Brik’s future: pffsht. Worry about yourself. Kimber’s not even close to ready, but she swears her structured bell top plus pants will be done in time.

Cornelius is grudgingly taking Tim’s advice but he’s gonna be piiiisssssed if he’s safe again. Heidi, Zac, Nina, put this fool in the bottom, wouldja? Kids have no respect these days.

Lookit Kimber???!!

I don’t even recognise her!

Model fittings go fairly well, except for Totally Marked Linda; her model is tiny and the alterations are not going well. Turns out sweater knitwear is not that great to work with. It keeps stretching and stretching

Erin’s SCUBA suit is impressing Dexter, anyway, he’s hoping they make it to the end together so they can fight it out.See? That’s positive!

On the other side of the shadeeeeey tree, Cornelius comes over to Nathalia and shit-talks Brik’s design again, it’s like he can’t help himself! He’s the Phi Phi O’Hara of Project Runway! He leaves her table to go over and spread some more shite at Erin’s workspace while Laurence watches in disbelief. I think they have Corny sorted out.

Kimber and Sarah have have made BIG mistakes during sewing, unfortunately Kimber doesn’t have any extry time to sort it. She was relying on fast sewing.

Runway Day! Ohhh and Linda makes me tear up a little; instead of being an ahole and trashing everyone else’s work, she talks about how much she loves Laurence’s jumpsuit, it’s “really cool. Just like her.” She and Dexter just rose to the top of my list, you guys. I even like her grey caterpillar of a dress more for it. Laurence loves Alex’s look, for the record.

Brik’s look is not good. He shouldn’t have listened to Tim and he should have used the green leather whatsits.

Hair and Makeup time! Alex is focused; he wants his model’s makeup to “look achievable” just like the clothes! Tasha’s model’s wearing a skully…I’ll just leave that there. I love how all the designers are SO sure about exactly what they want to see on their models: art. Get some

Runway time! Heidi’s in a floor length rose wrap chemise, I don’t know where to look! Our guest judge is Nina Dobrev, I ALWAYS get her mixed up with Emmanuelle Chriqui

Runway looks! Laurence’s slight drop-crotch jumpsuit is first

Rik’s boring look is next

Alex Snyder has given a cool mix-up of street plus office, but that bow…

What.the.hell.JENNI. Drop-crotch to your ankles and then a toilet rug around your shoulders?

Kimber’s look is great so they’ll hate it (I have no taste)

Linda’s loving her look

But Zac’s face says he does NOT. Zac has the BEST facials!

It makes her teeny model look pregnant, so…Nathalie’s model COULD be pregnant in this getup

Sarah’s look is pretty…but kind of Already Available and boring, no?

I really like Mah-Jing’s outfit from the first glance on!

Cornelius has gone with a few different patterns, I kind of like the mixing, but the V-lines of the stitching in front make her look like she has flapjack bewbs

I do not understand what Tasha was trying to do here

Does she hate her model? Is this an act of aggression?

I dunno about Brik’s look either…I like the jacket?

Um Dexter?

I don’t get it.

Roberi’s is gorgeous

And then we have Erin’s neoprene whatsit

Time for critiques! The Top /  Bottom six are: Erin, Kimber, Alex, Laurence, Linda and Brik. Which means that Cornelius is SAFE, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You should insist they send you home right now, dude, TOTALLY! Do it!!

Instead, he goes in the back and shits all over Brik some more, but everyone defends my Banffer. They love him too!

Critiques:

Alex gets great feedback (including the bow, for reals!): TOP

Kimber: mehhh: BOTTOM

Laurence: they love how easy it is and how anyone could wear it: TOP

Linda: (we already know) they hate it, missed opportunity, HATE the jacket: BOTTOM

Brik: no personality, conception issues, mullet: BOTTOM

Erin: they love it, of course, excellent, even better, they love it cinched, they love it open, only Heid dissents, she doesn’t like the sleeves: TOP

I get what the judges are saying, but do you REALLY think that JustFab is gonna sell a NEOPRENE dress with fancy snaps online? No, Laurence has this.

Alex is mean, y’all, he thinks Brik needs to go back to school because “basics would be an understatement.” Linda echoes her previous worry, she didn’t wanna blow it:

Model Groping Time! They really like how Laurence’s model feels, Zac is so handsy! They wrestle back and forth on it (I don’t like it when they make fun of what Linda thinks is “modern”) and then we get winner / loser!

Winner is: Laurence. Totally called that, much easier to reproduce for online shopping in the $39.99 range that JustFab is known for. I think Erin’s dress was great: not for this challenge.

Now we find out if awesome Linda or my Brik is gone: Linda is going home and Brik is staying.

Aww Linda, she’s just so sweet! She got stuck on a beautiful but unfortunate fabric and the coat was worse, so I hope this was enough to get her name out there! Until next time you guys!