We had a bit of a return to the beginning last episode on Rose and Maloney, with our Rose engineering the release of someone due to a shoddy conviction but with her information being noooot exactly what she thought. Let’s see why wee Will Campese the Second fared so poorly and what happened that fateful evening. And WHAT is going on with Davina across the street? Rolling S2:E4 after the break!

Whatever happened to Rose’s stalker Jonathan? He (and Rose’s Type 1 diabetes) featured quite heavily in season one of Rose and Maloney; he’s not even been mentioned so far.

Ah and we open with the birth of Davina’s baby, just as gross and beautiful as a baby should be, covered in smegma and glory. The overhead shot with the blood and attached umbilical cord was an interesting choice. Um. Both Bill and Marsha are there IN the birthing room with her, that’s weird, right? I’ve had close friends and I’ve had close neighbours, but I didn’t extend any of them invitations to any of my birthing spectacles.

Wendy’s looking for the errant Rose as Maloney catches up on the news of Dr. Marquis’s questioning; he finds Rose in the bathroom enjoying a cigarette. It’s the only place she gets any peace around here, “take a pew.”

She thinks they might have screwed up in an extry bad way this time, getting Katie out based on genetic evidence that doesn’t apply when one doesn’t share genetics with the victim.

Side note: as Rose is sitting on the loo, her hair looks great, hanging just perfectly in a long bob. Maloney looks like a really intelligent if short-sighted giant rat.

He has a list of options! 1) keep quiet, hope the real killer counts their blessings and doesn’t do it again (crossed off immediately), 2) remind Wendy how awesome they are and 3) investigate the murder. He doesn’t share his last idea with her 4) blame everything on Rose, good call, Maloney. They’ll have to re-start the investigation!

Davina’s thanking the so-helpful couple from across the street, lots of “I love you”s being tossed around and the music tells us it’s important when Marsha says she can’t wait to meet Davina’s baby-daddy. “Bloody useless twat” doesn’t really sound like what you should call someone’s husband, especially if he’s standing right in front of you, Davina. If Bill isn’t the father, I’ll eat somebody’s hat.

Up roll Rose and Maloney; Bill greets them with a big smile: “Rose and Mr. Maloney, what a nice surprise” I bet it won’t FEEL like it in about 5 minutes!

Rose cuts right to the chase; why did Marsha lie about Will being her child? The whole genetic component…it was private, Rose! No it was bloody RELEVANT, Marsha, and Rose isn’t taking your sloughing her off with “please leave.” They’ll have to explain.

Marsha calls her decision to remove her uterus a mistake, and while I get that it’s a plot device, doctors are usually attuned to that sort of emotional decision, aren’t they? I mean, it’s a ridiculous practice, not allowing women to have their reproductive organs unless the doctor is weally weawy sure the silly girl isn’t gonna change to her flighty mind, you know as we wimmenz are prone to do, but it does exist, so that’s odd if there wasn’t a medical reason.

Oh and Davina offered to have a baby for them! Not the rumpy pumpy parts, but a delivery system and it was all very well organized. Davina is a bit odd, staring at her new baby and reminiscing with a smile on her face about delivering Will, then only upset when Rose reminded her that Will died and then accusing, half-arsedly: why did you let that girl go? It’s all so lackadaisical, but they give awesome drugs for post-partum care, so maybe that explains her seeming disassociation.

Rose has dragged Maloney off to see the disgraced Dr. Marquis. Rose figures Diane’s in the Bolloxed-Up club too and won’t be sharing any details with anyone. Dr. Marquis hangs up on her the first time, but Rose makes me laugh when she calls back “Come on, Diane! What else have you got on?”

Over large vodkas with cranberry; Diane and Rose wrangle back and forth a bit before Diane agrees to at least listen a bit. She’s happy to hear Rose is in the shit again! But it’s very difficult to tell what happened to the baby. Too bad Katie’s been acquitted; that means she can’t be tried again.

I don’t think it was Katie, Rose’s nose is great for sussing out an illogical complaint. ‘Cept for Jonathan, shhhh

Things haven’t gotten any better for Katie; her dad’s apartment has been branded with a grafitti’d “BABY KILLER” and she can’t go out: it’s worse than prison! Everyone thinks she got away with murdering a kid.

Rose hits Katie with it straight on: did you hurt Will?

Katie fusses a bit and then admits that she did WANT to hurt Will. His constant crying after eating (the throat infection) and Marsha’s defection away from the noise left her frazzled and angry. I get it, a baby crying is like a drill.in.your.brain. Ask Caroline McKenzie-Dawson just after tea.

Rose knows there’s more to it, though, Katie did something and she hasn’t told anyone yet.

Ah, Katie turned off the monitor so she couldn’t hear Will any more. She was tired, so she laid down and was woken up by what sounds like a door closing. She turned the monitor back on and didn’t hear anything, so she figured Will went to sleep and all was well. She watched some TV and eventually made her way upstairs to find…

So THAT’S why she hasn’t been fighting the accusations and defending herself, she feels responsible. But that sound was someone leaving, so I’m thinking Davina couldn’t stand someone else raising her baby any longer? I have an over-active imagination.

Katie was happy there; she wishes she could go back and she cuts her eyes to her oft-violent and intoxicated father and we know why.

It seems there ARE no other viable suspects other than the “deeply disturbed” Katie; Davina was dining with friends in Brixton and Bill was drinking in a pub, seen by many.  Rose figures she’ll just keep applying pressure: something’s BOUND to turn up.

That’s Rose Linden’s Playbook in a nutshell:  stir up shite, see what shakes out. Then run really fast before turning around and kicking someone hard somewhere soft.

Maloney’s tired of her offering up his bollocks for sacrifice, he’s had offers you know! Like, LOTS of offers! Okay, the one from Joyce, but he isn’t telling Rose NUFFING.

The phone rings then, it’s Marsha, calling Rose to invite her to the christening the following evening.

Er

They didn’t exactly part on the best of the terms and Marsha seems to have a Stepford Wife glaze, what’s going on?? Davina thinks it’s strange that Marsha is calling Rose and Marsha is worried Rose will think baptizing the baby so early is odd and ROSE, TAKE THAT BABY. Marsha wants to make sure the baby is baptized, just in case, you know, so “they go where they should.”

Um

Maloney doesn’t want to go, but Rose talks him into it. He wants something in return, Rose’s advice. Does she think Joyce has a little thing for him? Flabbergasted, Rose looks at Joyce, then Maloney:

 

Davina’s starting to realize how disconnected Marsha is from reality; never mind Marsha’s forcing her into having a baptism she couldn’t give a fig about, she’s also inviting people like Rose and telling the pastor Davina’s married. “Just a little white lie, so we can do things right.” Davina stares.

Maloney’s staring at Wendy, is he about to make his move? Joyce asks him what’s going on? And then he asks her out and they have a “yessing competition” and it’s all very charming. She can’t tonight, only tomorrow, so sod it! He’ll blow off the christening Rose wants him to go to and take Joyce out instead.

He marches into Wendy’s office and then out again, all proud of himself and with a spring in his step.

Dr. Marquis has called Rose over; bar is open! At 9 am no less, but that’s because Dr. Marquis is doing her last lap in England. She’s off to New Zealand; giving the Judicial Review a pass, it “looks like a stinker.” The doctor looked at Will Campese’s file one last time, though, and was able to fix a time of death MUCH earlier than originally thought. A full 90 minutes before Marsha found Katie leaning over poor Will. The difference was in the blood in Will’s lungs, the paramedics didn’t even intubate so they couldn’t have caused that trauma. Will was suffocated. By who? Marsha? She creepy.

Dr. Marquis finally apologizes; she jumped to conclusions. In another world, she might have even liked Rose, and I like BOTH of you!

Maloney didn’t come clean about WHY he couldn’t make it to the party at Marsha’s, he just stuttered something into her voicemail, so she’s been calling non-stop since he and Joyce got to the restaurant. She wants to know why he puts up with it? What’s Rose got on him? Rose, er, finds it difficult to relax and yes, you could say that!

Rose finally goes in solo; she waited so long that she missed the christening, but there’s a massive party in full swing. Marsha’s got the baby and you can actually see the lines blurring before her very eyes. She’s halfway convinced herself that this is her baby, like Davina’s last. She talks about missing Katie and it’s jarring. Davina stares after Marsha, she looks worried around the eyes, Rose and I note.

Joyce isn’t in the habit of dating people whose first name she doesn’t know and I had the exact opposite problem when I was young! I never knew any of the LAST names of the people I “dated,” they were all “Jimmy from the pub” and “Brian? With the Hair?” and so on and so forth. Sorry, sorry, I’ll focus, I think we’re about to find out Maloney’s first name!!

He’s not very keen on his first name, he hates it and oh. It’s Marion. Marion Maloney sounds like a middle school vice principal with an amber rinse in her hair. Maloney it is! His phone buzzes again and that’s it, she’s had it and so has he and he leaves to Joyce shouting “give her my sodding love!” because she won’t be giving it to Maloney. Not tonight.

Maloney screeches up in front of the Campese residence to see Katie hiding in the bushes. This was the only place she ever was happy and now they have another baby…nobody would understand that, Katie. No.body. He’ll take her home.

She just wanted some attention, some niceness and Maloney understands. “We all want some.”

Rose is set upon by a drunken Martin (Grant Parsons); he’s the bloody father! It’s all a façade, they don’t speak any longer but he has to be there for the priest, even though Davina’s an atheist. He doesn’t even know if he is the father, but he’s knee deep in the sippy-sippy, so you wouldn’t know what to take seriously. Just then the back door bangs a bell, ah ha! Rose sorts out that the back door pushes against that chime when the FRONT door is opened and creates a draft.

Other angry call to Maloney later, Rose sneaks upstairs to see what’s up. She finds Davina and Bill making out in Will’s previous bedroom; he’s shushing her because she’s starting to think Marsha killed Will. Marsha comes up just then and pushes past Rose to see the happy couple in fragrante delicto.

Ahhhhh there’s a terrible row and I was so worried Marsha was going to hurt the baby!! She didn’t but yes, Bill is the father and he’ll be leaving Marsha. For Davina, who can give Bill what he needs *meaningful look at the baby in Marsha’s arms* and ohmeingott that was a low blow. Low blow, sister. Marsha finally hands over the baby and the next morning we see Bill moving to across the street.

Rose and Maloney have finally come clean with Wendy; she doesn’t want to hear anything about it! The case is closed! The case is closed and they have 24 hours to get to the bottom of it.

Our intrepid duo is working through witness statements while Joyce is stomping around. “How’s your love life?” cheeky Rose asks Maloney. Wendy bursts in; Marsha has abducted Davina’s baby and is on the run.

Rose and Maloney brainstorm about where Marsha could have gone, Rose gets it on her own… who helps Marsha take care of babies?

Mr. Phelan tries to lie about Katie’s whereabouts, but Annie crying in the background is saying otherwise.

I’m a little confused about Marsha’s devolvement, when we first saw Marsha she was a cool and knowledgable teacher with a nose for how to handle and motivate teenaged students with difficult home lives. And now she’s living in an alternate reality, but I suppose losing a child, let alone TWO children, would do that.

Rose presses Marsha, what happened that night? Marsha woke up and went looking for Katie, surprised her nanny hadn’t woken her for supper. Supper was all cooked and the table set, but Katie didn’t do any of that, she fell asleep. So who did? It can only be Davina, but I thought she was at dinner in Brixton?

Rose goes to Davina’s to find out; she asks the new-ish couple who was in the house at 5 that day? It was Davina’s turn to cook, see, but Bill HAD been in the neighbourhood that evening. At Davina’s . Davina wouldn’t leave him alone; he’s tried to dump her but she turned out to be the worst kind of bunny boiler. There may have been a tetch of post-partum psychosis thrown into the mix with her borrowed man leaving her. He wanted to try and make it work with Marsha, he was very grateful for Will but she needed to leave and let him and Marsha be Will’s parents. He couldn’t leave Will, see, and I hope that doesn’t mean what it sounds like it means. They took back up after Will died, he just couldn’t stay away.

Rose asks what went on that night? He went to the pub and what else happened? *pointed look at Davina*Well, she brought over the dinner and then she went up to Will’s room and the crying. Oh the crying. Don’t you show her touching that baby!!!!

Davina protests; they can’t prove any of this! Bill can tell, though, he can’t even look at her and he runs. She’s taken away by the police while Bill takes that long walk back across the street. He apologizes to Marsha and Katie hands him Annie, she’ll be staying there to help out for a bit. And now Marsha and Bill need to have a talk.

Rose asks how Maloney’s love life is on the way to the car? Not for nuffing, and we all know why, but he doesn’t say it. “Good,” she says, “she’s not right for you” because she ISN’T ROSE. We’re out to the mobile full of swallows (like Kate’s cake on The Great British Bake Off!) and it’s creepy, creepy music.

Cheers you lot, until next time!