Welcome back to The Bear season two wooooo! I am very excited about all the new people coming on this show that I love (rumors only at this point) and I missed YOU GUYS. So here we are, no housekeeping, all gas, rolling into The Bear S2:E06 Fishes after the break!

We open with Natalie ‘Sugar’ Berzatto (Abby Elliot) smoking and before we lose our minds over the whole pregnant-while-smoking thing (too late), up rolls Mikey Berzatto (Jon Bernthal whom I adore) so we know it’s the past and it’s just Sugar’s lungs currently being harmed. We are 256 weeks from opening!

Wait. They are all the bear? I am confused.

This must be a holiday episode, I know that because everyone looks stressed out and Mikey and Sugar are working on a strategy to deal with someone. Carmen ‘Carmy’ Berzatto (Jeremy Allen White) pops outside to join them, but ‘cousin’ Richard ‘Richie’ Jermimovich (Ebon Moss-Bachrach) is shooed away. Carmy agrees to handle: the mom! I told you this was a holiday wooooooo!

***Side note. Mikey is not with us any longer, in fact we didn’t meet him forever because he died before the beginning of this show. We know it had to do with drugs, because Carmy goes to meetings about that, but we don’t know a whole lot more than that. He died and left his restaurant to his genius chef brother Carny, who was imploding in the midst of the upper echelon razor’s edge of the finest dining in the world. So. Every time we see Mikey, he seems like the glue for the family, the one who makes everything make sense. How is he the glue? How is he the glue when he has died? I know people can seem completely in control and in charge of themselves but actually be falling apart, but from a story perspective, we’re not getting any of that.

**Omigosh the people walking around at this party!!!!! Is that SARAH PAULSEN?? Is that BOB ODENKIRK?? What is happening??

We gotta couple of favourites over for Christmas, hiya Neil Fax (Matty Matheson) and Uncle Jimmy (Oliver Platt – I would). Fak is with some other guy dressed identically, why, we don’t know. That’s a lot of green plaid.

WHHHHHHAAAATTTTTTTT

Is that JAMIE LEE CURTIS???????????

What.

She’s the Berzatto Matriarch!!! She’s Donna Berzatto and I think she and Uncle Jimmy just kind of made out. And then she made garlic toast by rubbing butter on bread with her bare hands with long fingernails and I need a minute.

This is a lot.

Tiffany Jerimovivh (Gillian Jacobs) walks into an extremely chaotic kitchen to announce that she has throw up and is now wearing Donna’s robe over her vomit-covered shirt. Tiffany is Richie’s wife and she’s pregnant with their baby, who will grow up to break her dad’s heart with how much he loves her. Same with Tiffany.

Uncle Lee (Bob Odenkirk) jumps in to provide a counterpoint to Donna’s explanation of the Seven Fishes legend, Donna seems charmed by the contradiction instead of offended.

This is a lot.

Mikey and Richie have come up with a present for Carmy on his single annual visit home, it’s Clairebear! By that I mean they’ve invited Claire Dunlap (Molly Gordon) to the party for Carmy, since she’s hot now.

Carmy fights – who asked them to ask her?? Stevie (John Mulaney) is called over to confirm: Clairebear is now hot.

**What is this episode?? What is this CAST?!

Carmy made Sprite. Like, just made it.

It’s so lovely to step out of all the chaos with Tiffany and Richie talking calmly about moving into a new home with good schools for their baby to be. I love seeing Richie happy and contemplative.That’s the best part about pregnancy or having a small baby’ you get to hide away during family events to barf or breastfeed or whatever.

Richie takes Uncle Jimmy aside to ask for a job; he wants to get out of The Beef with his baby on the way. He wants Uncle Jimmy to teach him stuff.

Cousin Michelle (Sarah Paulson) is smoking up with the Faks, turns out the Fak lookalike is Theodore Fak (Ricky Staffieri) so that must be why they are dressed the same.

Everyone is just waiting for Donna to do something crazy. Sugar’s hiding all the bottles she can. We find out how Sugar got her nickname, she put a cup of sugar instead of salt in the gravy and EXCUSE ME, Who puts a cup of salt in anything????

The Faks are mid-scam with Stevie – they call it ROIs with RBIs and it sounds just as lame as Uncle Jimmy thought it was. Stevie gives them his money to shut them up.

Mikey and Carmy have a nice catch-up in the pantry in the quiet, Carmy thinks Mikey and Richie are messing with him, and not taking him seriously. Carmy wanted to talk to Mikey about The Beef, give his ideas, but Mikey won’t let him, he’s doing Carmy a favour. After a small debate about how big is the f*** Mikey gives about Carmy (the biggest), Carmy runs off to get Mikey his Christmas present.

It’s the picture of The Bear. Mikey cries, but when he’s alone. He is not holding anything together.

**John Mulaney and Sarah Paulson are delightful together.

**This is a very difficult episode to watch. Even with my delight over the cast, Jamie Lee Curtis’ drunken toxic matriarch has me all the way out on the edge.

Mikey tells an oft-told story of shenanigans in Italy, Uncle Lee has heard this enough times. He cuts in, killing the mood and Mikey’s story and manages to call Mikey a loser who hasn’t finished a single business plan ever.

Sugar’s husband Pete (Chris Witaske) shows up with the 8th fish, that’s not a good idea. Not at all. Donna is hanging on by a very thin screamy thread. Pete gets screamed at by literally everyone but Donna, who doesn’t see the tuna casserole because Sugar throws it in the back alley. It’s hard not to feel sorry for the all the people on the near outside of this incredibly dysfunctional family.

Cousin Michelle corners Carmy, asking him if he’d like to come stay with her in New York for a couple of days over the holidays. She’s offering a lifeline, but. She had restaurants too. Is she going to use him?

It’s finally time for actual Christmas dinner; we have candles and reminiscing and so many people. Uncle Jimmy and Tiffany bond but…but Richie told Tiffany that Uncle Jimmy for sure gave him a job and he didn’t but he lies so Richie saves face in front of his pregnant wife and maybe I cry.

Donna cries too, she doesn’t think she can do this by herself. Nobody cares about her and she had to beg Carmy to come home and it’s so toxic and I’m really trying here. Donna appears to be the unholy intersection of narcissism and histrionic personality disorders.

Then she calls Carmy Michael and tells him to get lost and now I’m wondering if Carmy was in Al-Anon for his mom, not Mikey.

Donna doesn’t even make it to the table before Mikey implodes; throwing a fork at Uncle Lee and then one more. Uncle Lee has had enough, we have a tense standoff with Mikey holding a third fork and Uncle Lee ready to throw down. He keeps calling Mikey nothing and why is he doing this? Who is Uncle Lee anyway??

Just before everything goes DEFCON 1, in walks Donna with her wine, ready for Christmas supper. Stevie is forced to say Grace, and he does great, thanking everyone for including him every year and by the way: not gay.

Donna loses it about 30 seconds later.

Why is Stevie so happy to be included every year? WHYYYYY

Mikey throws the third fork at Lee and chaos erupts, which is interrupted by Donna driving.her.car.into.the.living.room.

FIN

How is Carmy even a functioning person in the present, after being immersed in this cesspool of malignancy masquerading as a family unit?

It’s interesting; here Mikey is portrayed as a failed entrepreneur, not a successful long-time restaurant business owner. That’s not how we’ve understood him, so. Hmm. Until next time!!