Hi guys; just two more recaps and I’m all caught up with Wentworth Prison! I hear season 5 is just around the corner so I’d better figure out what Bea and the gang are doing right skippy. Rolling S4:E11 Eleventh Hour after the break!

We open with Joan Ferguson (Pamela Rabe) weaving her magic around young Shayne Butler (Hunter Page-Lochard); she’s left him a special box in her house with all the information about his mother and Will Jackson’s (Robbie J Magasiva) role in her death.

Oy

Bea (Danielle Cormack) and Allie (Kate Jenkinson) are finally out as a couple, dropping Juice’s jaw (Sally-Ann Upton) and making Kaz Proctor (Tammy McIntosh) madder then ever. But. WHY? She just told Bea to watch out for Allie, you can’t get much closer than in someone’s underpants.

Kaz goes straight to Tina Mercado (Charli Tjoe) who doesn’t care who Top Dog is; she’ll support Kaz in a run against Bea if it means she can sell drugs to everyone, but Kaz is one of those insurgents without a plan for ruling, you know, like various and sundry provincial leaders in Canada.

Bea and Allie get caught making out in the shower by CO Linda Miles (Jacquie Brennan) and Joan; the latter seems SUPER interested in Bea steaming up the glass with her new best friend. The scene was notable because of how oddly aggressive Bea seems here, even though they’re in private. That doesn’t seem to fit Bea’s hesitance re: all things sexual.

Jake Stewart (Bernard Curry) has come to see Governor Bennett (Kate Atkinson) in her office; she giddily closes the blinds so he can kiss her and make his way under her clothing, no, not here! Then he asks for $10,000 so he can open a microbrewery. BOOM. Vera says no in the most cringing way possible; honestly, I can barely look at her when she’s around this scumbag. And I don’t KNOW that he’s a scumbag, I just feel it.

It’s all cozy in the cafeteria, Dory (Shareena Clanton) returning home to Bea’s table and they let her! Boomer (Katrina Milosevic) and I can’t believe it! After that panic button bullshit!! Although I do agree on all accounts it’s better not to be raped.

ANYWAY, she’s back and Bea and Allie are blissfully happy. Not happy is Kaz, who thinks Allie is just trying to make her look like an idiot. A confrontation with Bea doesn’t end the way she wants and she storms right back to Tina: she’ll take the Top Dog role and protect Tina dealing drugs in the prison. Damn.

Jake checks in on an extremely hungover Will; up for another night out? Or is he taking the evening off to “powder your vagina?”

Wait

We’re supposed to powder our vaginas??

And powdering our vaginas precludes activities like partying and taking no-name pills given to us by a slimeball co-worker who has us over the ropes with damning information? Fuck it, I’ll stay home, bring on the powder! Unscented, peez

Vera finds Will a bit wobbly; is he fit for work? He better be, because she’s offsite for 30 minutes, probably off to the bank to get Mr. Wonderful his 10k. After all, I bet she’s got some inheritance from her mother and it’s not like she had any expenses other than vagina powder.

Franky (Nicole da Silva) gives Bea her update on Shayne in the Visitor’s Lounge; Franky can tell right away something else is up. Bea spills about her giiiiirrrrllllffriend; Franky wants deets! Has she “tried the McMuff?” Not yet

Hahahahahaha

Ah jaysus, Vera, I was joking, keep your money! But she did indeed go get 10 thousand dollars cash to “loan” to her new booyyyyyyfrriiiieend. This woman has no idea how relationships work, but I think Girls said it best this week:

So he must be doing something right. She suggests he call her down to the Plant Room again; it’s her move, Guvnor.

Shayne’s in to see Joan but it’s not the happy reunion that she was expecting. He’s creeped out by the photos she took of him while he was growing up; why didn’t she come get him?? His life was shite. That’s a good question, actually, would she have activated the Shayne Revenge Module had she not been put in jail? He’s runs out screaming “BULLSHIT”and Joan loses it, running after him, muttering “I need him I need him I need him” in Jake’s ear as he restrains her. Shayne yelled that he wouldn’t do this “thing she wanted him to do” and I have to wonder if that’s to do with Nils Jesper or Will Jackson.

Maxine (Socratis Otto) is back from her second round of chemotherapy; she looks nauseated and unwell. Allie comes back from her sentencing hearing just then; she got ten years. Holy shite. She doesn’t care, now she can be with Bea for at least a decade! Woot! I just have heard they do a lot of messing around with stuff like moving prisoners around and all that, so I will hope for the best for you two crazy kids.

Aw man, I knew the ten thousand dollars wouldn’t actually be for a microbrewery, but I didn’t realise Jake was planning to take over the drug market in Wentworth. He meets a buncha thugs outside the prison and exchanges the 10 grand for a bunch of drugs that he has to sell by the end of the day for at least 90 thousand. I don’t know the socio-economic backgrounds of the inmates, but I don’t think any of them are packing that large. Maybe Sonia (Sigrid Thornton), she’s starting to get along really well with everyone! Especially Booms. Sorry, where were we?

Turk (Andy McPhee – McGhee from Sons of Anarchy, hay gurl hay!) doesn’t look like someone you want to mess around, Jake, careful. Or don’t be, I don’t like you.

He goes back to work, and as he’s getting a wanding at the security line, Vera calls him into the Strip Search room with a hard face. It’s Fun Time Strip Search, however, and just as she makes her move to the Fun Zone, he yells at her and rabbits. Just awful timing for our poor Vera.

Joan’s having a psychotic break, I forget that she’s a high-functioning psychopath sometimes, although I don’t often forget the psychopath part. She’s having trouble holding it together and was having visual delusions earlier. Jake finds her muttering to herself in her cell, IS THERE JUST THE ONE GUARD IN WENTWORTH? Oh, no, there’s Linda (Jacqueline Brennan), my bad. She’s off to get the drug selling started; pumpkin soup for all!

It gets WEIRD, straight off the hop. Joan gathers herself to turn the eye back on Jake; she’s noted his disheveled appearance and brings up drugs to keep him off balance. He comes in close; what she needs is “a good hard f*ck” and I beg your pardon, young man? Joan asks if he’s the man to do it and I don’t think so.

She bargains some more of Vera’s secrets away for a chance to use the phone but Shayne’s too busy hosting a party in her swank pad to talk to his Auntie Joan. He talks to her a bit, but then she hears the video games in the background and puts two and two together…I can’t think of one single more upsetting thing for Auntie Joan. They’re making a mess!

Allie sees Tina retrieving the junk from it’s hiding spot in the kitchen, Tina hands her a packet to keep quiet. Allie takes it and runs to find Bea, but is caught by Linda, who’s no doubt been tipped off by Tina. She manages to hide the dope in her cell, but not well. It will be found immediately.

Shayne is getting higher and higher, staring at the information about his mom’s death as his friends try out Auntie Joan’s fencing gear. Franky comes in and wastes no time in getting rid of all the wasteoids cluttering up the place; I loved it when one of the guys called her Khaleesi, hahaha.

It’s time for Shayne to start community service, woot! Oh and he didn’t boost the car after all, he just said that so his friend wouldn’t go to jail since he’s over 18. Dude. This is what can happen when you have a shite homelife; sticking up for your friends can seem more important than your own criminal record.

Bea finds the drugs right away, Allie gets there right after, thank the gods, so she can explain and there’s no time for uncertainty to fester. Bea flushes it and then she’s off to arm wrestle Tina for the huge stash.

It does not go as she planned. Tina isn’t listening to Bea any more, I gotta wonder if that’s a tactical mistake on Tina’s part. Don’t you want to sneak your coup up on whomever is in power? Wouldn’t that be a better plan than announcing it and then expecting no retribution?

HOWEVER. Bea IS technically weak. Her main hench is puking her guts out from chemotherapy, her backup muscle is (possibly) pregnant; she’s got nobody to go after Tina with. If she teams up with Juice…

She finds Juice (Sally-Ann Upton) in the yard but everybody knows: Bea’s done. There are two crews assembled against her and she’s got nobody willing to back her. It’s a smart play by Kaz and Tina; now can Bea go cuddle with Allie and garden on the side? That’s what happens when you’re not Top Dog any more, right?

Bea stands in the middle of the yard and Tina’s crew and the Red Right Hand assemble to watch her devolve; is she done? Allie comes out, which helps a bit, but it seems like a matter of time. Just as I’m wondering if Vera will step in to maintain her relationship with the Top Dog, we see Bea in Vera’s office.

Vera’s frustrated because of course Bea isn’t willing to give up a name tied to this huge stash of drugs oh but she DOES. Bea gives up Tina’s name and I legit gasped. Bea LAGGED!! Vera and I can’t believe it.

Jake fields a call from Turk – the money isn’t there. Next problem: Vera’s already found the drugs. Things get a little hazy for young Mr. Stewart. He rushes to Vera’s office where the drugs are stored; she finds him going through her drawers but then, she kind of likes that. She’s not happy since he blew her off before she could blow him, all these blurry lines in the Guvnor’s office these days.

So far it’s been all carrot for Vera; I wonder when Jake will bring out the stick? Well, er, not THAT one.

The police show up and take away all of Jake’s chances for this ending well for him, what’s he gonna do?

Bea and Allie play and flirt

Ballie 4EVA! Woot! The yard gets hectic in a hurry; word is out that there’s a lagger. Juice calls for blood and Kaz gives it to them: calling Allie out as the rat. Bea takes a run at Kaz and Will has to break it up.

Jake tries to get Kim (Ra Chapman) to give up Tina’s guy who hasn’t paid him yet, but Kim doesn’t know who the guy is. It’s going to be hard to get the money now that the dope is gone, Jake, you better hope it was just a slow transfer. Jake gets more and more visibly panicky, guess who’s watching like an intelligent malevolent bird? NO, GUESS??!!

Kaz wants to make a move NOW but Tina’s crew isn’t having it. They’re superstitious and don’t want to move without Tina. Kaz completely loses her shit.

Allie’s freaked out too, she knows what Kaz is capable of but Bea reminds her: she’ll protect her no matter what.

Shayne and his wasteoid friends are waiting outside Wentworth as they get off shift; they follow Will and Jake to a strip club with surprisingly muscular dancers. Get it, girls! Gotta be easier to work those poles with a solid set of guns.

Jake runs the micro-brewery line at Will, I guess if it worked once! 90k is a lot to ask for over beers, and he’s not even banging Will. Shayne watches from across the room; following Will into the bathroom to confront him.

He’s horrified to find Will snorting coke; it was drugs that had his mother locked up and now this cokehead is getting high while his mother rots? What the hell man? Will tries to stammer out an explanation, but I don’t know if I’d lead with “your mother was unfit”, maybe just skip to the part where she didn’t commit suicide, but rather was murdered for carrying on with Auntie Joan.

Shayne leaves Will in the bathroom wrestling with his conscience; Jake tries to drag him off to another bar but Will needs to go home and think about his life choices.

Jake gets almost run over by Turk and his gang; Turk dry-fires his gun in Jake’s mouth a couple of times as motivation and we have a new deadline. Jake will have that 90k in Turk’s account by lunch time tomorrow or there will be no more Jake.

Would that be the worst thing, really?

Jake peed his pants during the encounter, so now he needs to go home and think about HIS life choices.

Shayne’s not working community services any more, Franky finds him gone because he’s off to see Auntie Joan, who he now thinks is right. He’ll do what she wants, but oh shit, he’s got to go, he’s late for community service work! Joan tries to calm him down, surely a few minutes late won’t be a problem. “You don’t know Franky, she’ll kill me” makes her face do this

Aw man. And she tells Shayne all about Franky, who’s poring over the information Joan left Shayne in her house. He finds her there and kicks her out; just like that the Battle for Shayne is over and our side lost.

Jake’s got Tina out of the Slot so he can tell her to call her guy; he gives up Bea’s name as the lagger so she’ll call her guy but she wants her gear back first, of COURSE. Jake is running scared now. Hope comes from an unexpected quarter: Joan can get him that money without breaking a sweat.

I hope we didn’t just see Bea’s life bartered for 90 thousand dollars. I can never quite make out who Joan hates more: Will or Bea. It stands to reason that it would be Will, but she’s been almost solely fixated on Bea so I have to worry about her too.

I think it’s interesting that Jake was honest with Joan right off the hop and not Vera; he knows how naively narrow-minded Vera is and that Joan knows how things REALLY work. It’s like that old-fashioned paradigm: Vera is the one he takes home to mother and Joan’s the one he’s screwing in the alley. You can be honest with the one in the alley, can’t you? They aren’t part of the facade people try to sell as “normal.” And people like Vera will always be on the other side of people like Jake, she’s the mark.

Bea’s not wasting any time in the meanwhile, staring at clouds with her very first positive romantic partner. It’s lovely until Kaz and Tina come in the yard with their crews, ready to share the news of Bea’s lagging.

Bea doesn’t deny it; what?? Nobody can believe their ears! Kaz pushes her; Bea can’t be Top Dog AND a lagger, which is she?

Bea is very calm

And the light comes over her and it’s BEAUTIFUL. Oh, Red, you should have done this ages ago.

Liz (Celia Ireland) finds her in her call; is she okay? It’s a Lagger Party, woo hoo! And then Allie comes in and it’s a whole ‘nother kind of party. Bea and Allie finally make the beast with two backs, Bea likes it! She really likes it!

I’m just worried that everything seems so weirdly final; Bea calling after Liz to say thank you, Allie and Bea making oaths to each other, very Last Tango In Halifax Season 3 episode 3 if you know what I mean. I’m all tense as Allie makes her way to the shower super early.

Allie is jumped by Joan just after showering, Joan injecting something into her neck as Bea sleeps. Wait. What? Is Allie dead?? What did Joan inject?? Allie’s eyes are open and Joan is crooning “don’t fight it” so I thought maybe roofies like Joan did to Bea, but I think she’s dead! WHAT?

Honestly. This show. Next time is the last time until the new seasons starts, see you then.