Welcome back to Fleabag, y’all! This is one of the most memorable shows I’ve ever recapped, razor sharp, hilarious but also impossibly affecting all because of Phoebe Waller-Bridge. And Olivia Colman. Without further ado, let’s skip to Fleabag S2:E01!

If you perhaps wanted to get caught up on the last series, you can do so with this tag: Fleabag.

We open with a brisk synopsis of the last series (is it really a sum-up if we don’t see Arsehole Guy?) then we’re onto the present, exactly

371 DAYS, 19 HOURS & 26 MINUTES LATER

With a lovely looking Fleabag (Phoebe Waller-Bridge) oops, my bad, she looks great from behind (gorgeous back cut-out-y jumpsuit) but up in front it’s all bloody nose massacre, possibly broken. A sympathetic male voice asks if she’s alright and advises that “they’re gone” before Flea hands off a cloth to another young lady with a bloody nose on the floor.

Flea gives us another extremely efficient rundown of what’s happening, diet, exercise, no sex with Arsehole Guy (“can I at least go down on you?”), her sister Claire (Sian Clifford) still hates her (sister’s husband Martin (Brett Gelman) kissed Flea, blamed it on her) and their Dad (Bill Paterson) is now engaged to Godmother (the awesome Olivia Colman).

WAIT WHO IS THAT?? THAT’S MORIARTY FROM SHERLOCK, WHAT’S HE DOING THERE???

Ohhhhh!!!! He’s the Priest! (Andrew Scott). Fleabag and I have our eyes on him.

Cor, is it gross to get all Thorn Birds this early in??

Martin and Claire aren’t drinking, which means they have so much more time to talk about how they’re not drinking.

**Side note: I also do not drink, but I keep it quiet as much as possible as I’ve found people can sometimes barrel in two equally fun directions:

• Defensive: OH SO YOU’RE SOBER THAT’S FINE, THIS ISN’T DRINKING, REALLY, JUST MAINTENANCE AND STRESS AND A LAUGH AND you’re not counting my drinks, are you?
  **I am NEVER counting drinks, I am far too busy trying to climb on top of pianos to dance on
• Aggressive: c’mon, girl, have some shots! shots! shots! C’mon, wine isn’t alcohol, you don’t want me to drink alone, do you?? Look, I’ll buy you a double Jack and Coke, which is pretty much all soda
  **It is *much* easier to duck handsy dudes when they’re in their cups and you’re trying to climb on a piano

They finally spit out that the reason is that Martin is an alcoholic, Sweary Now Tipsy Priest thinks that’s great, so are his parents! One was a lesbian, we learned that earlier from Godmother. Claire and Martin are also trying for a baby, and she took the job in Finland!

Godmother interrupts to talk about their recent trip to Japan, the Sexhibition is on the move!

Sweary asks Fleabag what she does, she runs a successful (guinea pig-themed) cafe. We all stare; no, really, it’s going great!

Flea has been having periodic smoke breaks to deal, Sweary joins her and we know they will totally hump because of this.

I was raised in a weird, irreligious but spiritual way so I’m a little fuzzy on priesthood in general: can they hump?

He returns to the table after everyone waits with hot food in front of them. I just love Olivia Colman as Godmother so much, everything she does on this show is pure malice coated in saccharine, it’s marvelous to watch that from a distance. Andrew Scott as Sweary Cool Priest gives her a gorgeous run for her money, deftly lobbing verbal grenades at Martin and Claire while still managing to be the coolest person at the table.

Godmother does not like the looks flashing between Sweary and Fleabag, quickly directing attention back to herself and how she met her pet Priest about to do his first wedding (hers). Oh and Godmother is giving Dad a portrait of Claire and Flea for a wedding present, which means they have to sit for her. Together. At least twice.

Sweary has a brother who’s a pedophile, he’s aware of the irony. They all laugh and WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE.

Flea’s Dad joins her for the next smokebreak, he has an envelope for her birthday and a query: why is she being nice and not naughty?

**Naughty is just not a word an adult should ever say to another person of legal age

Because it just doesn’t matter, Dad.

Oooh. I felt that one land.

Fleabag stumbles across Martin swigging booze in the bar, he can’t wait to see how she makes this evening about herself!

**Flea’s been ridiculously good this evening, really, props

Claire finds herself on the hotseat and throws Flea under the bus in an act of self-preservation, why isn’t Flea saying anything? And what’s that in the envelope? Ah Dad and Godmother gave Flea a voucher for a counseling session for her birthday. That’s almost like a bamboo bread cutting board, right? Except with more assumptions and layers.

Claire disappears to the bathroom; Flea follows to find her in extremis. Claire’s had a miscarriage, but it’s hers. Hers. Her poignant repeating of that is wrenching.

Then Claire strides out like nothing’s happened to wash her hands, Flea insists they go to the hospital. Claire agrees then sits down at the table and starts drinking while Flea stares at her in disbelief.

Flea doesn’t know what to do.

So she stands up and says SHE’S just had a miscarriage and has to go to the hospital. It’s Martin that’s the worst, of course, although I give Godmother five shillings for her murmured “safe space” while reaching across the table. Just as Martin gets impossibly offensive, Flea pastes him one in the nose. He punches her back, she accidentally hits Sweary Priest and then the Needy Waitress is smacked as well on the boomerang.

And we’re back in the bathroom where we started, with Flea wiping her nose, Sweary at the door and the Needy Waitress (Maddie Rice) on the floor. Sweary gives Flea his number, Flea leaves with blood starting to stream down her face (just like the tears/mascara from the first series) to be hailed by Claire in a cab.

Claire pretends to play it off, they’ll talk tomorrow but Flea directs the cabbie to the nearest hospital while we all agree Sweary Priest was hot af. We’re out.

Argh. Fleabag the show is impossible, so funny and outrageous and well written and then they throw a miscarriage into the mix, you know? Not funny, just awful, but in there swimming around with the priest being hot and sweary. Until next time!