Hi there! It’s been a busy week, welcome back to Below Deck Mediterranean! I hear we learn some stuff about our new third stew; why does that position never work out? WHY? Let’s find out what falls apart on Below Deck Med S4:E08 after the break!
When we last saw our intrepid gang of yachties, they were hauling all their cookies to the top of Eze for a picnic with Primary Charter Guest Jackie Siegel, the Queen of Versailles herself. Second stewardess Aesha Scott is stuck at the summit with no cutlery, deckhand Colin Macy O’Toole scrambling to help.
They ALWAYS forget something, it’s usually weird or specific booze, cutlery is new! She sends Colin to go ask a restaurant while bosun João Franco complains to us about how unprofessional their chief stewardess Hannah Ferrier was in forgetting something so important.
Hannah’s back on the yacht checking out the water toys with the rest of the crew not lugging metric tonnes of shite up a giant hill.
Turns out it was not Hannah’s fault, but rather the mistake of brand new third stewardess June Foster. June is adorable, but not owning up to a not-huge but a pain in the arse mistake so Aesha is annoyed.
They complete an uncomfortable setup, with the guests sitting at the table as they attach umbrellas and the like, honestly. Primary Queen Jackie and her friends don’t notice, they’re too busy laughing about their billions of dollars.
Aesha sums it up: “Some of the richest people in the world are actually idiots.” I like Primary Queen Jackie though, she has the ability to seem above whatever shenanigans she’s currently pulling and a rockhard sense of self.
Lookit where they are!
Aesha escorts the guest to the shops while João, June and Colin eat the leftovers and drag everything back down that massive set of stone stairs set on a mountain. They should have maybe had at least two more people. Maybe 3 because June is teeny tiny.
The fun is over back aship, deckhand Jack Stirrup cleans the floor in the bridge for Captain Sandy Yawn as Hannah gets the night’s menu from chef Anastasia Surmava. Sea urchins and squid ink pasta is what the guests have requested; that’s very 2009, isn’t it? I swear. Vegan Anastasia can’t believe people eat this stuff (sea urchins look like testicles with spikes coming out of them) on PURPOSE.
Aesha watches the guest shop for thousands of dollars worth of jewelry, I’m not okay with shittalking this gang. Sure, they’re stupidly rich, but so is every other group of guests that’s come through and that’s bullshit to only show their shopping trip.
João complains and complains about this stupid trip, we get it! It sucked! It’s OVER! You’re back on board! Colin joins in the Pity Party and I get it: the rest of the team played while you guys schlepped stuff up a steep hill in the sun. But suggesting that you’re carrying the deck team? Get bent.
$30,000 in jewelry later, Aesha is contemplating her cheeseless childhood in contrast and June is sleeping way past her naptime below deck. I don’t know why Hannah’s worried, the guests are still over at the foot of Eze trying to buy stores out of business.
Aesha asks for a break, Hannah sends her off for an hour which makes Aesha about swoon she’s so excited. This is directly opposite to June complaining she only got an hour break, then took two anyway.
Aesha’s not getting a whole hour anyway, Hannah wants to gossip about June!
Then Hannah heads up on deck to ask about the dinner this evening; Primary Queen Jackie wants to celebrate her daughter Victoria who died, so we hear about how Hannah’s brother died when she was 6. It wasn’t just the death of her brother but the subsequent tearing apart of her family through divorce and one assumes a massive sense of loss. It changed everything she knew of life. It’s brutal.
Jack and lead deckhand Travis Michalzik clean up the water toys, Travis and Hannah have been flirting so we’ll see how that ends up.
Hannah makes up with João by apologizing and letting him know she’ll be doing more research more time. She’s adorable tonight and he can’t stay mad at her, their relationship has really gone through an arc, hey?
I think he’s looking at her goofily, honestly.
The guests dress for dinner as Captain Sandy wanders around the bridge, we haven’t seen much of her this episode, have we?
I don’t know what’s up with June, maybe she’s still groggy from this afternoon but she doesn’t know how to put cutlery on a table any more than she knows how to put it in a bag. Hannah helps her out.
The guests pop up, LOVE the table and Primary Queen Jackie actually takes June to see a picture of her daughter right before she died. June straight up bawls, Primary Queen Jackie has to comfort her. June lost her dad quite recently, Primary Queen Jackie even gives June a butterfly ring.
Okay now I have to mention that butterfly. While PQJ was walking up the stairs to Eze, a butterfly rested on her thumb. She thinks that was a butterfly kiss from her daughter, hence all the butterfly jewelry. They’re going to do a Chinese lantern ceremony later for Victoria.
Chef Anastasia is impressing herself:
Okay.
Sure.
Hannah is digging, anyway. What she’s not liking is sending June to do the cabins, June lying about doing the cabins and then going to do them finally after the lying.
Hannah and Anastasia are getting along great in the kitchen, but Hannah still thinks the food is subpar. Also not great: June lying about the cabins being ready when they aren’t. She confronts her in one of the cabins while June doesn’t really…answer.
Aesha can’t take any more of this death talk, it’s reminding her of her brother. She breaks down in the crew mess, asking Jack and Travis for hugs. She sends Jack to clean something for her, Travis hugs her for a bit while he does that. Awww. It’s terrible to lose someone you love.
Jack and Aesha joke around in the galley, he gets sent to clean up the tender for the guests to head to Monaco to party. Somehow, all the crew have disappeared and the guests are left alone on deck looking for someone, anyone. No, wait, Hannah’s there.
Remember when Jack got sent to clean up the tender with towels for the guests? Instead he chose to try on outfits for his date with Aesha in his bunk with his radio off. João finally gets through as some of the guests make their way down to the tender and Jack still hasn’t managed to get shoes on.
Primary Queen Jackie and other guests prepare their Chinese lanterns for floating as João and Jack argue about whether Jack being barefoot in France is a problem. They literally “yes it is, no it isn’t, calm down, no, stop it” for over a minute straight. Grown.adult.men.
The lanterns are released, João and Jack fight and the other guests go to Monaco for a night on the town.
Still fighting.
“You don’t respect me! I respect you! No you don’t! Don’t talk to me like I’m a dickhead!”
João at least gets another opinion, asking Colin, but Jack’s getting counsel from Aesha and they decide João is just too uptight.
The guests go to bed, Hannah’s working lates and everyone else goes to bed. Except Colin on anchor watch, who checks in with Hannah just as the guests in Monaco call at 3:10 am for a ride back to the boat.
Isn’t that dangerous? I mean, I’m not a great night time driver (it’s so dark, what??), I can’t imagine doing a tender ride in the middle of the night. Jack will be driving them, careful! Nope, actually Colin, Jack’s doing anchor watch and Travis is up to help Hannah. It’s 4:16 am now, the guests are still drinking and stairs are starting to be a problem.
Hannah’s been working for 17 hours, the captions tell us, and she’s not quite quick enough to stop Primary Queen Jackie from descending below deck to the laundry room. Hannah gathers her up and brings her back up to the guest cabins and gets a hug from Travis just to push through.
Primary Queen Jackie’s “did you bring Mars?” takes her out into the next day.
It’s 8 am the next morning, Anastasia is working on breakfast and an attitude with June. How would you know if anyone was seated, Anastasia? You could look at the monitor we saw you stare into intently, right?
Anastasia asks if June has a boyfriend now, Hannah interrupts to call June a liar. Honestly, I can’t remember them ever caring about a crew member’s love life this much before, the producers need to tread softly, softly if they expect us to believe any of that. June tells us she’s on a break.
Anastasia then asks Hannah about her upcoming date with Travis; she’s hoping he takes her to bed. “Do what you like as long as I can sleep!” That is a perfect example of dating as a parent.
Captain Sandy, João and the deck crew dock the yacht while the guests gather for disembarkation. Many, many hugs later, we’re so close to the tip I can smell it!! We’re pretty much guaranteed an incoherent speech from Primary Queen Jackie, it just goes on and on and ON. It starts at 1:00 with the handing over of the tip envelope and drags on in the hot summer sun for 22 minutes as they crew bake in their dress whites.
João races to the bridge to get some leadership counseling from Captain Sandy Yawn, who gives him a pep talk about encouraging his crew. Colin and June talk about West Side Story, such an awkward segue. Colin loves show tunes, how did adorable box of hammers June happen to just have seen a musical to talk to him about?
Tip meeting time!! Squeeee!! I’m going to go with $18,000 based on the fact that Jackie Siegel is richer than Croesus and has just as much impulse control. Captain Sandy drops kudos on chef Anastasia before asking June how she’s settling in. Hannah and Travis are suuuuper sincere in their welcome.
Oh. 13k Euros. That’s not…great. $1,322 USD each. Huh.
Deck crew meeting! I’m sure João and Jack won’t spend the whole time fighting about the stupid shoe thing they argued about the previous evening. Oh. My bad. Jack suggests that maybe next time João should start by treating him with respect, it’ll help create his motivation. João counters that isn’t his job, but Jack and I know better: it’s TOTALLY what you’re supposed to do as a leader!
Colin and Travis literally stare at their fingernails while João argues and June takes forever to sort out a sheet.
Jack and Aesha flirt on deck while Colin practices his dadjokes on João.Then it’s time to get dressed up and head to town; is this when the double date is happening? Because it looks more like the whole crew is out together. Again.
Drinks for everyone woooo! Everyone jokes and laughs except June, who’s glued to her phone. Hannah asks her (FOR THE THIRD TIME) if she has a boyfriend, the rest of the gang jumps in and it’s June against the world. June leaves the table puking as Colin realises he likes yet another attached coworker and we’re out! Cheers, mate.
