Welcome back to Hell’s Kitchen where it’s about everything BUT cooking! Let’s spoil it all after the break!
Last week Chad completed his downward spiral at the very bottom, being eliminated INSTEAD OF JACKIE, and Frank found out that everybody hates him. Kristin and Jackie almost came to blows, as did my TV and I, when I realised Jackie of the three months cooking experience was going to be gracing my screen for another whole week. Sigh.
Frank and Kristin are chillin’ after elimination, there’s a nice vibe there and I can almost forget he said he hates to work with women.
In the dorm kitchen, though, it’s much more exciting. Jackie used to bartend because of course she did, and she says lesbians LOVED her. They all wanted to fcuk her and she is offended that bisexual Ashley doesn’t want to bang her. She’d bang Kristin (Ha! says Kristin), but no offense, never you. Now that Ashley has revealed her bisexuality, I can only assume she’ll be murdered immediately, that’s what happens to lesbians and bisexual women on TV shows, right? That’s what they told me about The Walking Dead.
And yeah, Ashley would fcuck Jared before Jackie too, and it’s just not happening, Jackie. Just let it go. Nobody wants to approach any of your orifices with intent.
The next morning, the teams have 5 minutes to choose ingredients to go with three different proteins: lamb, sea bass and chicken breast. It’s a communication challenge, only one chef can be in the kitchen at one time; they’re working in 5 minute shifts and it’s not that bad. They can talk to the chefs working in the kitchen and they get 15 seconds to do a crossover.
Jared and Jackie are up first (Red Team figures they can make up for any mistakes she makes); both mess up the handovers, with Jared’s burnt puree and Jackie’s burnt dijon on the lamb.
These 5 minute shifts are MENTAL, there is no time to do anything at all. Kristin and Dannie are running anchor, it will be on them. It’s all very exciting, will they pull it off??
Sea Bass Challenge: points to Red AND Blue Teams
Lamb: point Red Team
Chicken: raw carrots (thanks to Kristin) gives the point to Blue Team
This leaves them with a tie, Chef Ramsay goes back to the first sea bass dish to decide; he goes with the Blue Team. They win a trip gambling at the horse track, yaaaayyy! I don’t dig gambling.
The punishment is breaking down two lamb carcasses for a special braised lamb shank dish, careful, ladies, these beasts are 100 pounds each!
Jackie makes fun of Dannie’s outfit, imitating a gospel singer going to church and GURL. That is a fascinator, which you DO wear to the track, and are you seriously racist right now?
I can’t tell. Dannie is a boxer, she will knock you the FECK oot! ALSO, Manda also has a stupid hat on, Y U not make fun of her, Jersey Juice?
The Santa Anita racetrack has a welcome sign up for them and everything! Also special vanilla vodka and ginger-ale for suckybaby Frank. They all bitch about Frank being a party-pooper, but you guys ALL voted to send Frank home last night, what do you expect?? Inveterate gambler Jared is ecstatic, he’s got caviar and bourbon and horses: squee! Jared wins and a good time is had by all, even Frank.
Back at the kitchen, Red Team is hacking away at their lambs, there’s a saw and more Jackie shenanigans and COME ON.
It’s prep for dinner time, Ariel and Kristin are facing off over steak: Kristin lied to Chef Christina, telling her she didn’t put a steak in the oven and has no idea why it isn’t rendering properly, but since Ariel saw her put it in there…Chef Christina doesn’t want to know from it and sticks them both in the pantry to work it out, like she does her nieces.
This must be the big deal they made about lying in the promos, but nobody seems to care. And really, why lie?
The Blue Kitchen is just NOW figuring out why Frank has been glumming around all day, I mean. How could they not know? Jared’s over it and since he wasn’t the one thrown firmly under the bus, whatever bruh. We have “under the bus”, if Frank says he’s “not there to make friends”, we’ll be halfway to reality show bingo! Fingers crossed!
Frank is still pouting, but Chef Christina sets his head straight: (paraphrase) “you got nominated one time and that’s what you’re mad about? You know how many people are after my job? I don’t even look over my shoulder” and you know what? Imma use that as my personal motto. Sometimes when you spend too much time checking to see how you’re doing, you forget to do, if you know what I’m saying. Just DO!
Service time! Lessee who our stars are! Lanie Kazan!!!!!!! I love Lanie Kazan!! Lust in the Dust FOREVER!!! Also Oy, Vey, My Son is Gay, which OuTV is showing this weekend, might check out.
Also Bill Engvall, from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour
Red Team is off to a rocky start with Ashley’s sloppy risotto but it’s not going much better with Frank on risotto for Blue, he’s not talking and I think he missed one order. He’s interpreted the “go be a beast” speech of Chef Christina’s as: I will do my work but not talk to anyone because they are beneath me and sigh. I mean. This guy cannot get out of his own way. His risotto is accepted, though, and appetizers flow.
Not flowing is Ashley’s risotto, which now has too much cheese. Chef Ramsay screams at her:
She manages to get one out, while we all watch…it’s good! Go team!
Over in Blue, Frank has decided to talk and he’s all peppy and I’m worried that Manda’s char looks weird, but it gets sent out! They’re a team and it’s beautiful to see. Do you think Frank’s attitude was the problem all along?
Red has also found their groove, Ariel and Kristin working together beautifully
For once, both teams are doing great! Last table is up, whichever team finishes first will win the challenge, yay! Jackie is on fish and you know that’s what sinks it for the Red Team, although Ashley was the one pushing her to bring it up. I’ll just say: if you have to rely on someone’s else’s assessment of what you are cooking, and YOU’VE ONLY BEEN COOKING, SAY, THREE MONTHS, you still are responsible for the raw fish.
Ashley cries leaving the kitchen (she’s better than this!) and is stopped by Gordon, who tells her she may have had an awkward night, but she just needs to regroup: be strong and be vocal. So, with Ashley considered better than that, and Ariel and Kristin having a great night, that means…NOW? NOW we lose the Jackie??
Red Team is going over the same choices upstairs and Kristin sums it up for Jackie: who else are we going to vote for? I get how being up every.single.time would be awful for Jackie, but I bet it’s even worse to be working in a kitchen at that speed with no prior experience. Talk about stressful.
At Elimination, Chef Ramsay asks Ariel for the nominees: Ashley and…Jackie. Ashley says she can run a restaurant, she does it at home…”for your dads” finishes Gordon, who isn’t impressed. He tells her that having parents in the industry doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
Chef pulls another fakeout, calling Ashley forward first and just as my head is about to explode, he sends her back in line and tells Jackie to hand over her jacket. Thank sweet baby Jeebus.
And we’re out! Ashley has always been middle of the road for me, but she’s been doing well. This episode she talked a lot about wanting to prove herself away from her two dads and can anyone else NOT see that when she says that?
At any rate, the last of our stunt-casting is gone; everyone else is a legit chef and invested in winning, so praise Jeebus. I can’t honestly see anyone but Ariel winning, so we’ll see how she holds up over the next few weeks. Peace, love and my two dads, y’all!
