Below Deck Sailing Yacht S3:E01 Tom Foolery Recap

Hello! We're back with Below Deck Sailing Yacht for season three, can you believe it?? Captain Glenn is back, let's get right to BDSY S3:E01 Tom Foolery because maybe there will be a Tom!!

So a couple of things have changed a little bit how I recap, I'll try to be more timely than this week but I also will not be able to do gifs. I know, sad panda, but I'm just happy to be able to watch and enjoy and gently mock under the hot noonday sun of Menorca, Spain!

It's just a little sad because I will miss sharing the sailing photos and the pictures of everything falling apart when the heel hits an unreasonable degree. Booooo. But we'll have fun!

Wow, we have lots of repeater crew members this season, yay! We've got Captain Glenn Shephard as above but also chief steward Daisy Kelliher seen here riding Jean-Luc from last season, aka the Andre the Giant of the Sea.

Shrunken greasy Kevin Sorbo-clone is back, hai First Mate Gary King! I didn't finish recapping last season (so sorry) so I don't know if he slept with everyone he planned to, but looks like he's taking another shot at just about everyone this season.

Yay, Chief Engineer Colin Macrae is back too! He's super cute and level-headed in a way that only someone confident in their ability to avoid drama while simultaneously enjoying others at its mercy.

We have chef Marcos Spaziani on board to cook fancy meals in a tiny kitchen, he has 'a gift.' Alright, Marcos, come through and show me whatchu got.

We've got a new-to-me second steward, hello Gabriela Barragan and your magnificent hair! I promise I won't try to touch it but I'm definitely thinking 'fluffy' while patting it in my head. I'm guessing Brazilian?

Nope, 100% American! Three seconds after we meet her, we see her sitting on Gary's face while they're both fully dressed. I dig the crew getting along, but maybe let him take his sunglasses off first, yeah?

She's got a strong personality.

Kelsi Goglia is the first deckhand we meet, she's your basic model type with extra awkward. Or maybe she's not basic, we don't even know her! How dare I!

I love the inclusivity of having all types of people on deck working but I'm reserving judgment until I see if she can actually lift anything.

Ah and finally we meet the titular Tom Pearson who is your basic white fratboy but-from-England. I mean, he's cute, he'll do well, I already forgot what he looks like.

I am never ever going to be able to pick out third steward Ashley Marti either, I hope they use names a lot. She looks like the one from another season of a Below Deck franchise...the one who said she had a nice bum...Big Bobby Giancola dated her? Then she videochatted with chef Ben Robinson and BB was MAD. You know the one. Lauren Cohen! That one. Long brunette hair, that's all I got but Tom likes her *shirt area*.

I think that's everyone! Let's see what they're actually like!

Captain Glenn and Gary are first on board the Parsifal III, aww, Captain Glenn hired Gary for the offseason. They go through crew resumes in the bridge together, Gary remarking on one without a picture. I can only see that being relevant for yachtie types of jobs, can you imagine having to provide a picture on your CV to work at 7-11?

I'm confused, Gary calls himself chief officer but his little name taggy thing said First Mate.

Daisy is next to arrive, I've missed her lovely Irish lilt. She's calls her role 'puppet-master', she's 'always right' and she's not wrong, is she?

Venezuelan chef Marcos joins all three present crew members in the galley, which is super duper tiny. They're literally elbowing each other in the face to get to coffee, go out on deck! You're making me claustrophobic!

Marcos calls the kitchen a mansion, he usually works out of a food truck so lookit all the space!

You know, they say one of the keys to happiness is adjusting your reference points.

Everyone else trickles in, I'm concerned that English deckhand Tom thinks being on deck a sailing vessel will be exactly the same as any other yacht he's been on, except for the sailing part.

Omigod you really have to be good with small spaces, how did I not notice in previous seasons how there is absolutely no room on this yacht???

Captain Glenn calls everyone up on deck to explain the rules; no drinking on charter and everyone listen to Daisy. It may be only Daisy who heard that second part. She takes Marcos aside almost immediately for a vibe check to explain her communication style.

Time to get the boat ready, Kelsi hasn't worked on a yacht before BUT she has sailing experience so maybe her and Tom together will get this right!

Ashley and Gabriela work together cleaning the clean rooms below deck, they both seem to have the right attention to detail, yay! Ashley is not happy when Daisy designates Gabriela as second stew, she'll need to speak up more if she wants to get ahead of assertive Gabriela. To be fair, Gabriela has ten years on her so every though they have the same work experience, I would also go with the one with more life and people experience.

Wooooo first preference sheet meeting, who's as excited as me?? NOBODY, that's who, wooooooooo! Who've we got?? For our first charter we have Primary Charter Guest McCordia Young, a real estate investor from Washington, DC who will be celebrating 'Black entrepreneurship' asea with his buddies!

That means I get to use my Jemele Hill gif!

The other names I pick up are Leisel Taylor, Aliya Johnson and Norman Slye. Marcos says he's been to Washington, he's got this and um, okay.

It's Aliya's birthday on charter, we've got a 90's hip-hop pyjama party woooooo!

The crew kicks off at 8 pm, 18 hours before charter, time for drinkies! Returning cast members Colin, Gary and Daisy split off to discuss what's going to be different this year, Colin suggests maybe Gary helps out the Interior a bit more. Daisy LOVES that.

We have a love connection already, Tom and Ashley like each other! But Ashley takes a moment to go to Gary and Tom's cabin to explain in excruciating detail how she's not picking between them because she likes them both but Tom's too young and Gary is just right but Tom actually likes her and if I was younger, I would say it was cringe but I hate how that word is used these days.

Oh wait, Tom's rooming with the cabin, he was just in Gary's cabin for the evaluation.

Ashley works Gary haaaaard, it's super hard to watch. Then she kisses him and I guess we're doing that.

Why is Daisy licking the mouth of the tequila bottle? 🙁

Tom gets kneewalking drunk super fast and heads to bed before midnight. He gets up to puke with his junk hanging out, did I mention he shares a cabin with Captain Glenn? Shades of Jean-Luc again! Tom heads to the crew mess to sleep after throwing up, Captain Glenn heads up on deck to end the party. They don't even get to finish their beers, that's how pissed he is.

Tom wakes up confused in the crew mess. He's super embarrassed but that's age, kiddo, you're fine. Just don't even do that again. And go clean the bathroom.

Woooo and it's already guest arrival time! The guests are rocking athleisure and real bums, I am here for it!

First impressions: Primary McCordia is a giant! Aliya must have a neck that could pull a bus, she's got braids for days! Norman is hottttttttttperioddott. Arnita is rocking a beautiful blonde no-hair look.

BOAT TOUR!!! WOOOOOO!!

But even better than the boat tour is chef Marcos food! He does gorgeous little canapes, Daisy is already very excited about his elegant food.

We know he has cooked for Beyoncé, Shakira, JLo and many others so I there you go! The man knows his way around a crostini. Last season we had basically the Annie Dookhan of the yacht chef world.

We're at sea!! Wait for it!! Main engine is off! We're at 10 degrees of heel and we have our first guest of the season down!

Huh, we see Primary McCordia hitting on Gabriela haaaard, I thought Norman was his boyfriend so let me adjust my expectations.

Why does everyone like Gary?? Even the guests think he's fine, did they not see kiwi Colin right there?? Ashley says he seems like he'd be good in bed so okay.

The yacht anchors in Cala Blanc, Menorca, it's so light out but time to dress for dinner already! I forgot they always eat at this outside half shell table, awkward. Just not very fancy but I guess the sailing part.

Talking about fancy; Marcos has knocked his first dinner out of the park, it's beautiful and many-coursed and amazing. Respect! The guests are ecstatic, one is still hungry so Marco makes her a beautiful shrimp dish. Then EVERYONE wants more food! Hors oeuvres for all!

Now he knows he needs more food on the plate for the next day, I love he acknowledges that and will adjust. Not everyone is a Real Housewife of Somewhere and happy with a tablespoon of fancy food.

Another guest down!!

Maybe it's the same one...

Gabriela is on lates, so it's just she and Primary McCordia up in the Interior. Tom is on his first anchor watch, I have high hopes!

Oh. Primary McCordia says he doesn't like girls but he's coming on to Gabriela hard, although I don't know if I'd lead with "I gotta little d*ck", McCordia.

Gabriela is sexually fluid because apparently that's now a requirement on Below Deck franchises in general. Good for her, good for everyone, I'm happy everyone is unconstrained and super loud about it, good for you.

And with that, we're out! We get a season preview, that looks very messy with Gary again and really? Eh. Until next time, cheers!