Below Deck Mediterranean S4:E12 Don’t Cry For Me, Sirocco Recap

Hi everyone, we're back already with Below Deck Mediterranean! I KNOW! It seemed like we just went there and here we are again. I'm so hoping this is when I see my pal in the kitchen again, you know who I'm talking about, doncha? Yeah you do. Let's find out if twelve times is the charm on Below Deck Med S4:E12 Don't Cry For Me, Sirocco!!

We left chef/third stew Anastasia Surmava being confronted with a hair on a dessert she made, she's been riding the struggle bus for a little while and this charter has been especially difficult. It's not that Primary Guest Verne Perigord and his friends are any more difficult than anyone else, they just prefer hot food without hair on it. Like everyone else.

Anastasia immediately calls out that it's not her hair (tied back with a bandana) but the guest doesn't really care. You don't argue or investigate a hair on a plate, you go get another piece of cake while apologizing profusely. Anastasia calls it a "boy hair" in the galley while fetching another piece.

But first. First she sprays canned whipped cream on it. Did I mention that second stewardess Aesha Scott and lead deckhand Travis Michalzik have been spraying whipped cream from that can directly into their mouths?


Third stewardess June Foster actually answers chief stewardess Hannah Ferrier on her radio for the first time since she came on board!! Yay, June! You've mastered the basic art of Leaving Your Earpiece In!

Deckhand Jack Stirrup's been on anchor watch all night, he switches off with Travis and heads to bed. The guests call it a night around 1 am and Anastasia scoots to call her boyfriend from bed as Hannah cleans alone until almost 3:00 am.

June and deckhand Colin Macy O'Toole are on the early shift, then everyone gets up to begin the day before the guests arise. June is having a tough time figuring everything out, which is frustrating for Anastasia.

In case you don't know, Anastasia came aboard as an AWESOME third stewardess. When the homophobic chef was let go for incompetence, Anastasia stepped in at Captain Sandy Yawn's request to fill her shoes. She's been fighting a combination of being overwhelmed and wanting to succeed the whole time, she doesn't want to let the Captain down either. Unfortunately, she doesn't have the necessary training or confidence to execute food at the expected level on a superyacht, so it's been very stressful for her.

Aesha and Jack snog when they can, too bad work keeps getting in the way. To be fair, Jack doesn't exactly search out work, or focus when he's doing it, so.

The seas are rough today, everyone is sliding around and off kilter. The guests set up for breakfast as Captain Sandy and bosun João Franco watch Jack clean half-assedly around the deck. He's swiping listlessly at this, then that, but finishing nothing.

João doesn't explain it well, he's embarrassed that Captain Sandy saw his crewmember mucking about so instead of directing Jack, he chastises him as you would a child.

That has never worked with Jack, who likes to be addressed with respect, as we all do.

João now wants to talk about Jack being fired, because he's embarrassed. Honestly. He just wants Jack working at top capacity.

It's so choppy that one of the guests gets up from the table to hurl, barely missing Aesha as she's coming up the stairs. I say stairs because there's a whole other deck below. Hai Below Deck Mediterranean cameraman Lou!

*That's my favourite shot so far

The yacht is anchored, it's time to get ready for the beach picnic at 2 pm! What will they forget this time?? I'll bet on salads.

Oh. Oh. June doesn't understand how time works. Okay. When Hannah says "quarter past 7", June interprets that as 7:25.


I have nothing

The guests head to the beach to party, or get "turnt" as one guy keeps saying (he's the excitable slide guy and I lurve him) and the deck crew relaxes a bit. João and Colin eat lunch while Jack actually shows some initiative and does a whole thing. He sets up the outside fun stuff with Captain Sandy's help, awww. And then Captain Sandy says "initiative" awww.

Hannah and Travis chill out and smoke while the guests order bottles of champagne, he's really missing being home and blames his drinking on the absence. Hm.

Oh, the guests didn't want to have a beach picnic, they just wanted to sit together quietly on fuchsia sofas at an expensive beach bar then head back to the boat. Nobody forgot anything, not even a guest! Woooo!

There are only two things for supper, I hope Anastasia knows what she's doing. Surf and Turf has not been all that successful for her thus far.

The guests party and drink and drink and party and June sets up for the Mardi Gras party! Even Hannah has to say it looks amazing, atta girl.

The guests dress for dinner, Anastasia is ready to go for 8:30 pm, the agreed-upon supper time. The guests are not at the table, which annoys Anastasia because maybe she thinks they work for her and not the other way around? They're paying six figures for your surf and turf, chef, you can wait for them.

And she's doing that stupid thing where only two guests get their lobster at a time, how can you think that's okay? That's one of the main differences between a home cook and a chef, in a restaurant people expect to get their food all at the same time.

But no, we're doing it this way!

The guests are awesome, one holding court about Martha Reeves (I think? - don't sue either one of us!) maybe stealing a $50 bottle of wine at a party and Verne throwing 50 euros in his face to make fun of it. These are the most fun accountants EVER! With the most glitter on their shirts, for real.

Here's what they're serving!

But it's confusing because people want their steaks cooked different ways, of course, and Anastasia released Aesha with two steaks and no direction as to how they were cooked. Hannah tries to reach Aesha on the radio but it is very loud and she ends up lurching about in one spot trying to understand where to put the food. Honestly.

Anastasia pops up to get her chef-praise, but the guests are still arguing about who came for whose finances and have no praise for her today.

Also getting no love is deckhand Colin, who's been single for awhile and rocking a crush on third stew June (mostly because she's American).

My mom also thinks I'm hot!

Captain Sandy comes up to see how everyone is doing, Primary Verne assures her that the steaks are all good just as Hannah heads downstairs with an undercooked filet mignon. Captain Sandy sees her cooking a new one anyway.

Dessert is apple crisp with vanilla ice cream, I don't think very many people like it.

Hannah checks in with Anastasia in the galley, she can see that the stress is getting to her, let alone the hit and miss food.

It's the next morning and the day starts slowly, Anastasia banging away in the kitchen, João rolling towels on deck and Aesha snogging with Jack in the crew mess. Anastasia leaves the galley with a pan on a live burner, June immediately notices that it's smoking when she walks in. THEN nonchalantly walks over and starts making orange juice.

Anastasia can't believe June did nuthin.

The guests are up early, asking for their breakfast at 8:30 and it's STILL cold. She whips up another batch and heads up to get her praise for her "from scratch" pancakes and girl. I feel bad for how thirsty you are for that praise. Let them come to you. And pancakes from scratch is nothing to brag about as a yacht chef, which is what you are right now. My goodness.

Just take a breath and re-center, girl, you got this!

I hate it when they complain about the guests, which is what Ana and João are doing in the crew mess right now. Primary Verne and his hilarious gaggle of accountants are not the problem and they ARE paying a bucketload of money for this experience, so suck it up and make it as AMAZING as they are. WERK.

I'll just say this once again: GIMME MY CHEF BEN ROBINSON!!

It's time for the guest to depart, I love that they got all their drinks in to-go cups, they're having this experience right until the bitter end. SHOW US YOUR TIP WOOOOO!!

Time to turn the boat around and get ready for the next charter!

Hannah and Travis flirt a bit, she really likes him sober.

Tip Meeting Time!! Woooo!! Imma guess $18,000 Euros because it was just the food that was bad. I think everything else went well and they got to have fun and no bad weather, really. And it's...

First Captain Sandy wants to talk about the issues in the galley, she thinks Anastasia lost her rhythm. Personally I think it's just that lack of training; when things get crazy in a commercial kitchen your training will pull you through but when you're used to much smaller situations and expectations, you don't have that to fall back on.

Oh and the tip is bad. $14k USD, which is only 12,000 Euros, $1100/each.

Anastasia thinks and thinks about it, she asks to speak to the Captain. She is having a lot of anxiety trying to live up to this new role, maybe she bit off more than she can chew. Captain Sandy is a great manager, so she just listens empathetically, then offers to call another chef.

WOOOOO BEN, COME TO MAMA!! Wait, what happens with June? Does she go home or Anastasia?

João actually gives Jack a compliment on his work game, Jack is so overcome that he shouts for everyone to hear. Jack told us earlier that he just didn't want to get sent home so he'd be apart from Aesha so decided to actually do something for once.

The crew dresses for a night out, Jack, Aesha, Hannah and Travis heading out in one cab and the rest on the other. I can't tell if Travis has been drinking already, but he literally hits Aesha accidentally in the face with a whole car seat, so I'm guessing maybe. Jack asks if they can double date but Hannah is not looking for another whole night of babysitting, fanks.

Travis keeps drinking and drinking and being obnoxious, Hannah is so over it. Did you know Colin is 31?? He's older than Hannah, so WHY did João give Hannah such a hard time for being a 30-year-old yachtie when he has no problem with his bro Colin? Don't answer that, we all know the answer and it rhymes with smisogeny.

Colin's talking about working from home, he's getting tired of the life.

Travis drinks.

Hannah and João have been getting cozy, they chitchat while Travis asks if they HAVE to all be so civilized? Do they? Ana is next to him and all eyes and trying to ignore.

Travis drinks, then lurches outside to smoke, Hannah follows. She doesn't want anything to do with dating him while he's drinking literally every second he can.

Travis walks back in and when he spots Anastasia looking asleep next to him, he slaps her face. João is there in a second, Travis trying not to laugh while everyone else tries to figure out what to do with the drunk guy who's already hurt two women, if kind of by accident.

Anastasia goes outside to cry with Hannah, who's completely done.

Now they're both crying, Anastasia used to date an abusive alcoholic so she's reliving all of that.

Colin is usually a pretty chill guy, but he's pisssed right now and confronts Travis, who did hit Ana pretty hard. It wasn't a "love tap." Colin's neck veins are popping and his voice is raised.

Hannah, Anastasia, Colin, June and Travis are the first back to the boat, Travis huffing down spaghetti in bed while João, Aesha and Jack debate his actions in a cab.

Aesha is the only one sticking up for Travis, she thinks he was just a little too drunk to understand how wrong his actions were.

It's the next morning and Travis is still defending his choice to slap a female co-worker in the face without her consent, even if he thinks it was in a fun way. At least I think that's what he was saying, Jack was standing there buttnekkid while they were talking and I wasn't sure where to look.

Travis goes right to Anastasia to apologize, she's still processing. He apologizes next to Colin, who is back to being a pretty chill dude.

Everyone works hard on cleaning the boat and setting up for the next charter, June figures she's finally getting the hang of what she's doing so we know she'll be sent home this episode.

Anastasia has finished processing the events of the previous evening, now it's time to deal with it.

*You can mock all you like, but sometimes it takes time. Like the date I had recently where someone did something unexpected and aggressive, it took me almost 48 hours to deal.

Anastasia takes Travis aside, she has a duty to everyone who's ever had their personal space violated and wow, that's quite a lot. Ana didn't just do some thinking, she's angry about all the times he got drunk and didn't face any repercussions and are we sure this is still about Travis?

She wants to talk about his abuse of alcohol and now both Travis and I are looking away. We've veered off topic. Yes, he should feel very bad for thinking it's okay to slap anyone, drunk or not, but this isn't Intervention and nobody is at risk here.

Travis does take it in, though, he'll think about it on his days off. He gives her his word that nothing else will happen like this and they hug it out.

Jack reminds him that tomorrow is a new day, Travis is a kind person and he'll work it out.

The chef is on the way!!


June is called to the bridge, making her way up three flights of stairs to be nicely fired by Captain Sandy.

June was not expecting that at all, she blurts out "that's crazy. That's not nice." Captain Sandy starts to get mad right around then, June's been paid for her services and she'll get a good reference but she doesn't have any room for her.

João and Hannah are called up to the bridge next while June packs and cries. Captain Sandy sends Hannah and João to help calm June and make her happy with words of praise, the problem is that June thinks that everyone knew she was going to be let go, except her.

It's Anastasia who makes her feel better, she didn't mean for any of this to happen and her sincerity helps June understand. Hannah comes in to bat cleanup but June also thinks Hannah knew.

June has some serious paranoia issues, yes?

João fills the deck crew in on what's happened, Colin goes right off the rails. He calls June a yachtie and says he isn't, I think he's going to offer himself as tribute. It's just that June is super tiny...will she be able to do the same work?

Colin is now crying. Crying about June losing her job, what? Now João is crying at the thought of Colin leaving but it's all cheers inside as the Dream Team re-assembles in the salon. Aesha and Hannah are so excited to have Anastasia back on the interior crew!

How long is it taking June to pack? I've moved a whole house in less time!

João and Colin cry together as they contemplate being separated, I love that they're in touch with their emotions! Colin's made up his mind, he calls Captain Sandy and heads up to the bridge. Hannah stops him along the way to tell him he doesn't need to do it, but he's a man on a mission. We're out.

To be honest, I just think Colin wants to go home. He doesn't get along well with Jack and Travis, he's missing his family and he wants real food. He's homesick and like at camp; you can't let them go the first time they ask. Go for three! Until the next time, cheers, love, our Benny will be back!