Below Deck Mediterranean S4:E15 Holy Ship Recap

We're back on Below Deck Mediterranean and all is right with the world, woooo! We've got a schnockered yachtie, a tired gang and an adorable chef. Let's see how we make out with all of that! Rolling Below Deck Med S4:E15 after the break!

We open where we closed, with extremely drunk lead deckhand Travis Michazik being poured into a cab by irritated chef Ben Robinson.

Unfortunately, anyone who regularly obliterates themselves like that is...probably not very happy, with themselves or their lives. That will be $400 USD for that armchair analysis, ta cheers.

Deckhand Jack Stirrup and second stewardess Aesha Scott hold Travis up between the two of them, they're almost as paralytic as Travis. I had a friend who didn't drink, who used to about knock me over after the bar leaning on me like that, shouting "hold up your sober friend!" She was a solid foot taller, which gave her an unfair advantage.

Ooh and Travis is on the top bunk, yikes.

It's the next morning and chief stewardess Hannah Ferrier gives marching orders to third stewardess Anastasia Surmava: go find awesome table decor. Captain Sandy Yawn went to a boat show and now knows what she's missing, she wants super fancy table settings from now on.

Travis wakes up from his blackout with his checklist handy:

  • What did I say?
  • What did I do?
  • Where are my pants?
  • How did I get back to the boat?
  • I'm sorry

"My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit plays softly in the background.

Captain Sandy smells alcohol on his breath, and not for the first time. It takes a solid few hours to work that much booze out of the system.

Anastasia and Ben head to town to shop, she's so happy to be back at her "menial" job that she squeaks. Ben's decided to start using covers for the food to keep the warmth in, he's about solutions, not complaining and I dig that. And that adorable accent.

Jack left Aesha's teddies in a jacked up position for her with a RedBull and a ciggie, the Bravo producer makes it even funnier by mistaking Aesha's thick accented English.

Ana comes back to Hannah empty-handed, whining in a baby voice about nothing cool being available while I try not to hurl.

Pre-Charter Preference Sheet Meeting in the crew mess, wooooo! Our upcoming Primary Charter Guests are Jennifer and Patrick Kirk. Jennifer is the CEO of Posh Puppy Boutique, other guests include Chris Miller, Deana Fritz and Todd Slosek. Deanna is allergic to everything, this is going to be tricky for our chef.

Captain Sandy is not happy to hear that the table decor has not been sourced.

Hannah better get on that, right skippy. Some chitchat across the boat about Travis and it's time to line up for guest arrival!

Subtle!

Hannah leads the guests on a boat tour as Aesha plies them with champagne, this is going to be awesome! I kind of love that we're seeing a different body shape on Primary Jennifer. I think all bodies are awesome; we just usually see the same ones on Below Deck Med.

There are a LOT of guests aboard this time, where is everyone going to sleep? This superyacht is like a fancy motorhome: 5000 square feet of living space, sleeps 2.

The deck crew schlep luggage aship while the guests ooooh and ahhhhh over the accommodations, that workout room on deck is genius! I don't drink, so you best believe I'd be all over that at 5 am while everyone else is still sleeping it off. Hannah always mentions the bathtub, is that super rare for a yacht?

It's quite windy asea and the boat is causing everyone to lurch all over the place. Should Captain Sandy maybe sloooow dowwwnn? I trust her judgement. Hannah helps the guests put on anti-nausea wristbands, almost falling over in the process until Captain Sandy makes an abrupt turn.

Ben sends out charcuterie and crew mess, then it's time to prep for the guest lunch. You just never know what people are going to do, though. They might decide to hit the water sports (*) first, then lunch and that would make Ben shout a lot and pull at his adorable hair.

Oh wait, he wants them to go play with the toys, so he has more time to prepare lunch. I *love* watching him cook!

One of the guests falls off his jetski into the water, it goes from funny to scary when we realise there's a ferry nearby that may or may not be able to see him. Okay, that's fine, but watching thePatrick try to climb onto a jetski is worth the price of admission. He's a big guy, goes up a long way.

Lunch time! An odd looking but delicious salad (fingerling potatoes with goat's cheese) is followed by giant shrimp with eyes. The ladies are not down for a staring contest with their food, but it phases the men not one bit.

Ben has no eggs. That's bullshit, how do you make breakfast with no eggs? Anastasia orders 200 eggs for Ben and bosun João Franco heads off to get it while Travis falls asleep sitting up in the crew mess.

João is busy soon after. He accidentally sucked up a line into the tender's propeller. (Those are all words that mean stuff, I'm pretty sure. A visual might help?) This fixing goes late into the dark, with Travis barely awake and holding a flashlight.

Anastasia is setting up for supper (by crawling on the table...?) and asking the deck crew for help with the garbage. Nobody answers her repeated radio calls, so Captain Sandy has to get involved; smacking down Travis over the radio while everyone listens.

Awww I miss the good old days when there was actually decent drama, like one of the stews sleeping with Ben and messing up a perfectly good throw pillow.

The guests do shots before supper while Travis is called up to the bridge. Captain Sandy acknowledges that the Interior crew orders around the deckies like dickies, but has already decided that Travis' struggling is because of his drinking.

Supper time! Deconstructed caesar salad is the first course, but we have one guest who doesn't eat anchovies so Ben scrambles to prepare her something else while she steals all the fun stuff from her husband's salad. Everyone is pleasantly tipsy and appreciative of the food.

Jack writes a super not-awesome poem for Aesha (box and twat feature) while showing us the tattoo he got of his ex-girlfriend's face on his arm. After knowing her for two weeks.

To say that Ben is struggling in this tiny, dysfunctional galley is an understatement. He works and works on supper while the guests almost fall asleep and he burns himself.

Aesha looooves her poem and flower, she reads it out loud, unforch twat and fat don't rhyme when spoken awwwww.

Everyone gets their supper finally, covered in domes no less! Captain Sandy comes up as they are cooing over it, it does look quite lovely.

One guest is essentially asleep. Deana Fritz follows, she's resting her eyes before dessert! The dessert is perfect, the guests love it and one even makes a sexual advance on it. For real.

Everyone does clean up. Anastasia is sent to bed and Captain Sandy takes Hannah aside for a quiet chat about Travis' drinking. For real, they're basically whispering and you know you're in charge of the whole boat, right?

The guests negotiate threeways, the Primaries are all sober-ish and chill and I kind of love that.

Captain Sandy takes Travis aside to talk about her struggle with alcoholism.

She hasn't had a drink in 29 years. Wow. Respect.

Travis doesn't think he drinks too much, he's just burned out after back to back seasons. Captain Sandy gently suggests he maybe take 30 days without drinking to see how he feels. He sits alone on anchor watch and thinks.

It's morning and João gets to pick someone to drive us out of the harbour. He chooses deckhand Colin Macy O'Toole who is cautiously optimitistic.

They're back on the open sea but there are a lot of waves and guests crawling across the floor, is this a situation where they could slow down? Or would that even help? Are we going to lose the tender?

Anastasia leads the guest outside to fresh air (as the guest's husband laughs) and we're out! Until next time!

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