Below Deck S5:E07 Blindsided Recap

Welcome back to Below Deck which I have absconded from for far too long, I hear there may have even been a reunion already and stuff! No matter, rolling from seven behind like a BOSS! Just in case anyone is clearing their DVR backlog!

Okay! So 6 months ago when we left our intrepid gang Below Deck, Lead Deckhand (not a thing) Nico Scholly was drunkenly throwing down against his boss, Bosun (Canadian) EJ Jansen, even trying to take it to the point of no return. If he's not Bosun by morning, he's doing something unsanitary with his stripes.

Nico keeps swearing at EJ and telling him to go to bed and sleep it off, but he's the one who's drunk and gonna have a huge apology to give in the morning. Second Stew Brianna Adekeye comforts Nico in their special spot above deck, it's just a matter of time until these guys smash. She encourages him to admit his mistakes, but he's not ready for that yet. He has to go to bed yet and not text his serious girlfriend Melissa!

The next morning is...quiet. Before Nico got all drelly (drunk and yelly! I just made it up!), third Stew Jennifer Howell picked a fight with Brianna and got all drelly herself. Jen feels picked on. Jen doesn't understand the next morning why Brianna isn't apologizing, which is exactly what EJ is wondering.

Side note: Jen also hits on Nico when drunk, I wondered if that was why Brianna decided to say something to Jen about her attitude last time.

Jen gets to go to St. Barths with Chief Stew Kate Chastain, who really is why I watch Below Deck. Kate gives her some advice on clearing the rift between the two stews and we cut to Nico and Brianna having a romantic meal alone. The rest of the crew is eating together, deckhand Baker Manning is impressed with EJ's ability to stay cool under pressure.

You can always count on a Canadian to ask for an apology in the middle of a fight.

I can see how a southerner like Baker would appreciate a little civility. If you pick the right Canadian you might even get some hidden racist tendencies! OH I'M KIDDING.

Brianna and Nico frolic on the beach together, really Nico? I seriously hope you tell your girlfriend before she gets to see you brush sand off another girl's bum over and over on TV.

Jen got Brianna a little present as a I'm Sorry I Drank Too Much All Over You and Nico does a similar apology with EJ. It's squashed! Until somebody adds alcohol.

Soooooo, it was too tricky to dock during the day because it's super congested, so Captain Lee Rosbach has decided to do it AT NIGHT, which sounds wayyy less tricky, or whatever the opposite of that is.

They do it! Skinny Kenny Rogers is so happy with his green crew, even the delightful Bruno Duarte.

Nico ignores another text from Melissa.

Pre-Charter meeting and I got legit so excited when I recognised the names: Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy. They were the inspiration for the book and movie The Blind Side! I'm practically a professional skeptic so I have to mention that I read some less-than-happy reviews about the true part of that true story, but I can't find the articles so I'll just say that Michael Oher thinks he's having trouble in the NFL because of the movie. Now let's find out what they don't want to eat!!

Nothing, they're totally lowkey, wanting a Tailgating Beach Party (doesn't that involve...tailgates? Am I being too literal?) and an Award Show Dinner that very night. Easy peasy!

EJ does a pre-charter pep talk with his crew, Nico canea stand this guy. In Nico's defense, EJ is as cheesy as extra creamy KD. Look it up, non-Canuckleadians.

The guests are here, yay! Leigh Ann is TINY! Not so her hubs, Tim McGraw was a super generous casting choice, although they do share a chin.

Boat tour!!

Baker is doing great on the anchor, now that the Captain isn't watching her every single move, woo woo! EJ is impressed. It's a mutual admiration society with these two.

Canadian chef Matt Burns breaks down the menu for the guests, apparently Bananas Foster is the highlight. The guests look underwhelmed. Matt's more excited that his estranged girlfriend has finally answered his multiple texts.

So remember all that Bananas Foster boasting? Matt's been looking at his phone all day and not the freezer, where there is no vanilla ice cream. Leigh Anne loathes chocolate ice cream and it looks pretty weird, to be honest.

Kate comes up with whipped cream for her "Canadian puppy chef" but Leigh Anne and hubs are pissssed.

It's the next day and time for the beach picnic! For some reason, Jen is out of her uniform and in a super cute ruffled skirt over her bikini. Does she think she's a guest? Does she want other people to think she's a guest? You can't be out of uniform around guests, Captain Lee is gonna lose his mind. He lost his shite all over Bruno for taking his uniform shirt off and there was nary a guest to be seen.

Baker has some step background (??) so she leads a cheer for the guests, who clap along.

Back on the boat, Kate takes Matt aside to ask WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, MATT?? Why are you distracted?? DO YOU WANT TO STAY? Get it together, MATT! First she stares at the side of his head for a full minute.

Kate looks absolutely stunning in this shot, must be said. That natural light gets you every time!

BTW, Kate absolutely didn't approve that outfit change of Jen's and she mad. Brianna tries to stick up for Jen but Kate isn't having it: it's not a costume if you don't actually look like anything. Kate is gonna teach Jen a lesson during supper.

Matt has Bruno helping in the galley, he's loving having a sous chef! Bruno is always willing to pitch a hand in, his department or not and I'm pretty sure I suggested that right at the beginning of the season!

Kate asks Captain Lee to come to dinner, the guests are 'CITED! So is Kate when she sees the food, this is the best meal she's seen this charter season.

Now it's time for Jen's lesson; Kate has her dressed up in a bunch of bizarre gear as the Team Mascot, she runs through the dining area as Bruno blows a whistle and Captain Lee and I roll our eyes.

Kate has had it with Jen having to be led carefully by the nose, she leaves Jen to pull for breakfast while Jen wonders what she did wrong this time.

Matt's gonna get his girlfriend back, he has a plan! Nico is doing the exact opposite thing and with that, we're oot! Until next time yachtie hotties!

Join us! One of us! One of us!