Hey, by the time you read this, the new episode of Below Deck will almost be on! How's THAT for timing? Wooooooo! How is everyone liking the new crew so far? I'm kind of obsessed with deckhand Abbi Murphy's slow-rolling YOLO but other than that it remains Kate Chastain's show for me, how's by you? Let's roll into Below Deck S7:E03 Weekend at Brandy's!
We've just started our second charter on season 7 of Below Deck and already we've got a passed-out guest possibly in some kind of medical distress. We know her name is Brandy, we don't know if that's what she was drinking, but we're guessing whatever it was, it was a LOT. She didn't even complete the boat tour with chief stewardess Kate Chastain before collapsing.
Primary Charter Guests Helen Hoey and Richard Fiore carry on with the rest of their friends while Brandy hyperventilates alone in the salon. Kiwi chef Kevin Dobson calls and calls for service, he's not happy with Kate's interior staff but Kate is annoyed that he's bothering her during the boat tour.
I'm worried that Brandy is suffocating herself in the couch.
Bosun Ashton Pienaar and his crew guide the superyacht Valor (you don't know how hard that is to not spell it as Valour) away from the dock under Captain Lee Rosbach. We know Captain Lee from his use of old-timey admonishments (sometime, somewhere, someone's tit is ending up in a wringer) and legendary crustiness. He also wears a sarong like nobody's business.
Kate decides to take the Kevin by the horns and have a come-to-Jeebus meeting with our chef after service of Summer Rolls, which sounds amazing.
Brandy has surfaced from the depths of the salon sofa and is now demanding respect from second (or third?) stewardess Courtney Skippon. She pays for everything, she wants to be treated better, damnit!
Courtney looks at the camera and leaves, laughing, she's never seen anything like Brandy before. Oh please, spend five minutes in one of the trailer parks I knew when I was a kid, this is nothing. This is someone's Aunt who just got paid and is reliving her fourth husband leaving her for the peeler in #17.
Kevin asks second stewardess Simone Mashile for help and makes up a song on the spot about how dumb she is. I BEG YOUR PARDON. She looked distracted to me, which would make sense given it's the start of a charter and the guests are all over the place. Then he drops one of his knives on the floor, breaking off the tip and all is right with the world. He's super awkward, right?
Side note: those knives are super expensive (can be $400 USD easy) so I feel a little bad about laughing, and also because I've broken the tips off of two of my knives. The weird part is that it was on two separate batches of frozen cabbage rolls on two different occasions.
Kevin adjusts his seasoning for the schwasted guests, all salt and acid, nothing else will penetrate their boozy palates right now.
Primary Helen and another guest approach Captain Lee on the bridge, I bet he gets hit on by drunk charter guests all the time. One keeps feeling him up and commenting about his joystick in between calling him Zeus.
Captain Lee knows all about this dance, he's not playing. Kate rescues the Captain and starts herding everyone towards the table. Kevin appears to slice up the beef while Primary Helen moans.
Like, actually moans.
There's a radio issue again; deckhand Abbi Murphy is not familiar with their operation and has her microphone button depressed while Captain Lee is trying to contact the deck crew. Captain Lee already read her the riot act and you can see him getting angrier by the second. The funny thing is that while he's screaming away on the radio and on camera, Abbi is literally feet away from him. He could just walk over and say hey: your mic is keyed!
Kevin takes Kate aside to talk about the menu for the evening, which is a planned seafood extravaganza with whatever the guests catch in the water. The thing is...Kevin didn't order any seafood, so that means they're entirely reliant on what the drunkies do with their fishing rods. Erm.
Kate is not impressed, she's not talking about dinner right now, she's finishing service first, THANKS.
Poor Brandy has somehow gotten locked out on deck, she's wandering around looking frantic and I am super worried she's going to end up overboard. She tracks down deckhand Brian de Saint Pern and whew, she's safe. Brian is maybe scared.
The boat is anchored in Thailand and Captain Lee is now ready to deal with the radio issue. Abbi always looks absolutely terrified in the captain's presence, so she gets another buy.
Simone is an ironing ninja, but that is not the extent of her powers. She has a university math degree. WHAT are we doing wrong that math and law scholars are schlepping drinks for drunk people on yachts, society??
Kevin is still singing in the galley, all to himself. What. Ohhh okay, a little backstory explained to Kate, he used to play rugby but went into the family business of cooking food, going all the way back to his great-great grandad who was a chef on the Titanic. Kate and I are suitably impressed.
Abbi's big hair is sent to be tidied up, Captain Lee is worried for safety reasons but Kevin just wants it out of his horseradish, fanks.
Swimming / fishing time! Welcome to Bird Island in Thailand! Why is Brandy's naked arse on camera?
Kate is still concerned about the lack of seafood for the planned seafood extravaganza.
Brandy introduces herself as a single cougar to Brian and Ashton, then someone catches an eel. What.
This is still Day One of the charter!
Abbi's starting to get a bit of a complex about people telling her what to do; she thinks everyone thinks she's an idiot. Deckhand Tanner Sterback tells her to chill, he didn't know anything in the beginning either! Bosun Ashton is watching her closely, though, he's not sure she's maintained her focus. Abbi retires to her cabin to text her "boyfriend" aka fboi Patrick about her tough day.
Kevin's dredged up everything he could that was remotely seafood related for the feast tonight, extra pressure in the form of Captain Lee dining with the guests is giving him hives.
Sounds like only four guests out of eight are going to make it anyway, whew! Kate wants allllll the marine stuff she can find for her tables, she knows from table settings!
It's 8:30 and Kate is ready to serve supper, it's plated instead of in big bunches, which should hide the fact that there's so little of it. Like single prawn each kind of little. The guest love it anyway, Primary Helen moaning all the way through that giant lump canned crabmeat.
Ashton consoles Abbi in the smokepit; he sees her value!
Supper is over, the guests head to bed and it's cleanup time! Ashton and Brian are both sort of into Courtney (which I think is funny because Tanner very much isn't, given that he's actually spent time with her whiny arse), Ashton probes Courtney gently as to whether she likes anyone ("not a one") and Brian asks Kate about Tanner. Tanner likes Kate! She thinks it's flattering.
It's breakfast and everything is in full swing, except Simone is on solo and trying to get drinks organized instead of serving the food Kevin has carefully prepared. Simone doesn't even have cutlery on the table and Kevin's trying to rush the food onto said table. To be fair, the guests said they wanted a late breakfast around 10 or 11 and it's 8:07 am.
Kevin wakes up Kate via radio, the whole deck crew is on standby.
Kevin can't believe it when the guests are in the galley helping to carry out food, it's just embarrassing. Simone is making her eighth mimosa with fresh orange juice; Brand keeps stealing them from another guest.
Kate walks into this storm, heading out to serve coffee and figure out what's going on while Kevin insists that she take pictures of the food so she knows what will be going out every day.
Kevin does some soul searching and heads down to find Simone to apologize right away, awwww. Good choice! They hug it out, Simone's a sweetheart. Kevin did not apologize to Kate, though, she's pissed. She goes right to Captain Lee, who says Kevin needs to learn to stay in his lane. That's exactly what Kate just said!
Brandy is passed out on another couch.
The yacht is headed to a private beach for a picnic, I feel let down that we haven't had any foreshadowing about someone forgetting something. They always forget SOMEthing! Kate's in charge, though, everything seems in hand.
Except for when the tender gets stuck on the rocks and Ashton can't get back to get the guests. He unbeaches it with the help of Brian and speed off.
Kevin's kitchen is allll clean. I admire his organization and cleaning so.much.
Brandy is now passed out on the floor of the deck.
Everyone is brought to the island and the private beach where Kate serves lunch and Brandy appears to pass out again, this time upright in a chair. She is encouraged to eat food while Kate surveys her crew to see who has the most medical experience.
That would be Tanner! He tells us about his experience as a lifeguard as Brandy is brought to lie down on her side, to prevent asphyxiation from vomiting.
Wow. Brandy was lucid for a very short period in the morning then began pounding mimosas and everything else she could. What's going on in this woman's life? Why does she need to obliterate every bit of her consciousness whenever she's awake? This is beyond binge drinking. She's DETERMINED.
Kate calls Captain Lee, who directs the crew to retrieve Brandy from the beach in case medical intervention is required.
And we're oot! Until next time! Enjoy the show tonight at 7:00 PM MST on Bravo!