Below Deck S7:E12 Yacht-Pocalypse Now Recap

So what's the deal with Below Deck dropping an episode during the holidays? Is there another one tonight? What's going on?? Okay, maybe it's a good thing to break up all this cheer and snark one out to our yachties floating around Thailand. Let's find out how Below Deck is making out in S7:E12 Yacht-Pocalypse Now after the break!

We are asea with Jasuawans all, Albert and Torrie are the Primary Charter Guests but there are kiddos and grandparents aboard as well. Today was supposed to be a beach party, but the high water and kiddo/grandparent factor had caused bosun Ashton Pienaar to cancel. I don't know who's more upset, the Primaries or Chief Steward Kate Chastain who now has to deal with unhappy bored guests.

We've also got quite a lot of smoke aboard to deal with, since the galley fan is broken and chef Kevin Dobson is doing something untoward to whitefish.

Kate doesn't understand the chef's choices.

The deck crew is enjoying its own challenges, deckhand Rhylee Gerber doesn't know how to tie knots, exactly, so removing her tying off efforts has become a time consuming hassle for everyone else. She and lead deckhand Brian de Saint Pern have been butting heads as well.

Kevin got some flack for his child-friendly food last meal, so he's prepared a huge family-style Greek luncheon with everything he could think of.

  1. The guest who complained about "meat on a stick" isn't a parent, clearly, or a parent concerned with feeding his young, anyway
  2. How many Michelin-starred chefs have to consider the needs of four different generations in one menu?
  3. Screw you, complainer

It's 92 degrees outside! Master Pearson Jasuwan and I are "hotted out!" The guests love the massive amounts of food, yay!

Wait, wait, we getta see one of the actual crew members on camera? Chief Engineer Darrian is called up to the bridge by Captain Lee, he's cute enough to be on the show, right? And maybe has a real qualification or two, rather than "can chug entire bottle of wine and make unwise romantic choices while remaining camera-ready". Darrian needs to fix that kitchen fan!

Complainy Complainer guest has an opinion about the state of the ocean re: the cancellation of the beach picnic, get out! No way! Kevin pumped out eleventy thousand platters and bowls of food, the guests want to know where is the mint jelly for the lamb?

Kevin, mate, just hang in there. These people are impossible.

Kevin's down in the crew mess interrupting second steward Courtney Skippon flirting with Brian, anyway. Courtney's not one to air her bidness (as she dates and cuddles ON A REALITY SHOW being filmed), so she jumps away from Brian like a scalded cat.

Courtney would find that simile offensive.

Second steward Simone Mashile is on service, yay!! She's been wanting more time practicing that part, I'm glad she's out there.

Since lunch is done, so is the visit with the Jasuwan grandparents, a taxi is on the way. Kate and I agree that it's the perfect way to treat in-laws. Although not ALL in-laws need to be sent away, right? Just one's own.

This is...odd. Rhylee is up a level, on deck, when bosun Ashton makes the call to start putting away water toys. Deckhand Tanner Sterbeck is already down on the water level, so they work together to get the jetskis put away while Rhylee watches from above. She offers to help, but does not come down to the lower level where she could help, choosing instead to slow clap mockingly at their teamwork (without her).

Honestly.

She's feeling left out, but all she had to do is go down and actually help. Like, do stuff instead of mouthing words.

The theme for dinner tonight is the Roaring Twenties, awww, the little girl Jasuwan looks so cute! Captain Lee Rosbach has decided to break out the tux for dinner to impress the disappointed guests, he looks very dapper!

Darrian fixed the kitchen fan, everyone claps, yay! Kevin's decided to knock this supper out of the park, but Master Pearson is maybe not enjoying the beautiful soup.

Ahhh, it's not just Rhylee that doesn't know from knots, Ashton calls her AND Tanner up on deck during dinner to practice a particular knot. Rhylee seems fairly muted and maybe tired, but Ashton decides to make a big deal out of her question about whether she's to tie the knot right now in front of him. Ashton is exhausting.

To be fair, Rhylee may not have tied the knot she said she just did.

Ashton tops off his sloppy management style by complaining about Rhylee to junior staff member Tanner, because that's totally legit.

Master Pearson throws a temper tantrum (it's 9:30 PM!! For supper!!) so his mom tells him to stop making a scene and cancels his dessert. I love that they showed some discipline, even if those kids should have been eating at least 4 hours previously. His mom takes him to be put to bed early.

And then everyone is off to bed, yay! Rhylee is on lates so she helps Simone clean up (Simone was on service again, yay!) as Kate and Ashton hit the hay.

Ashton inexplicably walks shirtless through the crew mess on his way to bed. They have bathrooms in their rooms! What was that for?

Simone and deckhand Tanner had a bit of a thing for awhile, but it's been slightly awkward since the crew spa day where he grinded all over a random woman in front of her. He went out of his way to clarify that they're just casual, but that's not exactly how Simone is feeling about him. She really likes him, and it's making her say yes to things like that but we all know she doesn't feel the least bit casual about whatever they're doing.

I've been there, Simone, this is a very bumpy ride you're taking.

Rhylee talks to Kate about her troubles with Ashton and the deck crew, Kate commiserates but doesn't think this is two mature individuals working through issues.

Tanner and Brian are up early, shittalking Rhylee. Tanner moves to the kitchen to gossip with Kate and Kevin about his relationship with Simone, which he's planning to end completely at the end of this charter. Kate thinks his naivete is hilarious: you can't just end a "boat-mance", one of you has to ship out.

Breakfast is served! Everyone loves the pancakes, which is good because it's their last meal on board. You always want to end on pancakes. Always.

The guests will be leaving via tender, because the Valor is required to re-fuel while on anchor, i.e. in the middle of the ocean. Okaaaay. Brian asks Courtney to go for a drink later.

Time for everyone to change into their dress whites to say goodbye to the guests are accept that (hopefully) fat, fat tip envelope, woooo!

It's 93 degreeeesssss and I have melted just reading that. Those poor deckhands have to schlepp all that luggage in that heeaattt. It IS a fat envelope, yay! The guests had a great time, but Primary Torrie brought up not being able to go to the beach, so that will be affect what we're looking at.

Huh. The tip isn't awesome, it's $16,500, so $1,500 each. Hm. I would have thought their happiness with the food would have translated into closer to 20k but whatever. Kate is also disappointed, why is she the only one good at her job??!

Hahahahaha

You have to love the confidence, anyway!

A somehow tense docking later, everyone cleans and gossips. Courtney complains about Brian asking her out on a date.

Courtney. Stop.

It's so hot that everyone calls it quits around 4, time to get ready for dates! And drinking! And breaking up with Simone, awwww Tanner.

Ashton heads to his bunk to talk to his mum, we get a little bit of his backstory. His parents divorced when he was five and it destroyed him. Aw man. But it got better! He has a great relationship with both parents now, whew. Close enough that he bitches about Kate to his mum, honestly. She tells him to keep it calm this evening, but the previews show his blackout alter-ego Smashton making a comeback.

Courtney is stressed out about this date, so I'll ease off. It's just that they already spend almost every single waking moment together already, what could she possibly be worried about him seeing? They head off on their date while Tanner asks Simone to come for a chat on deck.

Courtney is grouchy and on edge on the date, Brian does everything he can to chill her out but he doesn't have a puppy handy.

Oh it's so painful watching Tanner and Simone talk. He's basically saying: hey, I wanna go get laid by some stranger and she's trying to have an actual conversation about what he's actually saying. He has to spell it out for her, it's just never good when someone uses either of these phrases when you're speaking:

  1. I didn't want to lead you on
  2. I never meant to hurt you

Simone is all done with effboi Tanner.

Brian's done with Courtney and her complaining too, she whines or pouts the entire time while he looks completely adorable. If she didn't want to go on the date, she shouldn't have said yes. Ridiculous.

Simone is looking faaaaancy tonight. Not to make Tanner feel some kind of way, but maybe some punishment.

Everyone piles into cabs to go out, all the boys in one and the girls in the other. The guys get along so well, it's awesome to see.

They end up on a Bangla Road road in Thailand where there's a Starbucks next to a donkey show. If you don't know what a donkey show is, you should probably throw on Incognito Mode prior to searching that out.

The dance club is dark and full of booze, Smashton has indeed made an appearance and we're in for a rough night. Courtney is still whining and Brian's had enough. He goes dancing, leaving her to pout on the sofa by herself.

Tanner's making a move on Kate, who's only interested in torturing him about Simone, the "hottest girl on the dance floor."

They're all extremely drunk when it's time to leave, except for Courtney, that is. Smashton's living up to his name and breaking stuff then trying to mack on Kate again, who's hiding from him in her seat. She sneaks into the backseat as he relieves himself on the street.

He doesn't give up easily.

Slurring "you should be so lucky and I should be so drunk."

Smashton is past Romantic Drunk and has landed full on Belligerent Drunk, becoming furious when Kate asks how his mum is, right after they were just.talking.about.Tanner's.mom. She just asked how Ashton's mum was, nothing else, no context or calling out but Smashton is immediately physically violent.

Kevin does what he can to physically contain Ashton, asking the driver to pull over and attempting to thwart Ashton's moves towards Kate, but it's ugly. This is when we remember that Courtney said this is a full hour cab ride back to the boat. Kate is stuck in a very small space with a very intimidating man who has been alternatively trying to feel her up and attack her.

Tanner manages to defuse the situation, Kate tells him he did good and even gives him the reward he seeks.

Awww, look at how happy she looks! She looks radiant, but some of that has to be relief as they're back to the boat.

Aw man, Kate, why would you confront Ashton TONIGHT? Everyone is still drunk! Ohhhh, I don't think Kate understood that the crew was making fun of Tanner's mom (with his permission), so when she said: "how about your mom?" he thought she was taking the piss. He still should not have freaked the fuck out like that.

Let's break down and unpack the following drunken argument.

At one point in this conversation, Kate understands that she misunderstood the situation but doesn't say so right away, instead choosing to mock Ashton's management style. Ashton reacts instead of thinking (driiiiinnnnkkiiiiing) and drags Tanner out of bed to confirm that everyone makes fun of his mom. THIS is when Kate acknowledges that she didn't know they were mocking Tanner's mom, but it's too late because Ashton's blood is back up. He starts screaming about how she thinks she's better than everyone else and gets away with everything. I thought I couldn't be more disappointed with Tanner than I was his treatment of Simone, but when he backs Ashton up on this point, I give up on him entirely.

He just kissed this woman and spent all night pursuing her, only to offer support to the person who has been attacking her for hours. Hours.

It's now that Kate quits. She heads to her bunk to carefully explain why she's leaving to Rhylee, who tries to talk her out of any rash decisions made while under the influence. Kate tells Bravo she's leaving and for them to sort it out, do not follow her. Do NOT. And we're out.

That's...a lot. I assume Kate will make it back on the boat, given how much of the season is left, but Ashton has to apologize and the producers have to seriously look at how dangerously he was acting. I'm sure it was more the psychological attack that had her shook, he keeps getting drunk and shouting that everyone hates her. That's a lot to hear over and over again.

Until next time, peeps. Cheers.

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