Who just joined us on Below Deck Sailing Yacht? Are the current charter guests going to eat before midnight? Are all private parts to remain covered from here on out? Let’s find out after the break in my BDSY S3:E12 New Girl Aboard recap!

We’re in the middle of a charter filled with 6 very high-maintenance guests; will Primary Dr. Jen Nichols ever drag her husband Chris and other guests ever make it to the table for supper? It’s already 11 pm.

Captain Glenn Shephard strategizes about the next meal; it’s the last day of the charter tomorrow and they’ll be hitting the road about 8 am. That’s 6 hours before the charter guests woke up this day; how are they going to have breakfast while he gives them a little sail on the way back to port? Chief steward Daisy Kelliher suggests breakfast burritos; chef Marcos Spaziani is 100% down for that. And 14 hours of sleep, he tired.

Daisy is also tired, since her second stew left without warning she and third steward Ashley Marti have been run ragged by this demanding bunch. I think it’s a bit of an error with supper; Marcos decided to put on a Japanese spread but they don’t have any Japanese beer. I mean, they have sake but of course this group wants the beer they don’t have.

They love all the food Marcos spent all day preparing; Daisy is thisclose to losing it. She asks First Mate Gary King to check the guest preference sheets; nobody requested Japanese beer so they didn’t order it in. When she tells difficult guest Dino Liso that, he points out that they didn’t know they were getting this spread. I think better communication between Daisy and Marcos would have solved this completely unimportant non-issue.

Daisy is really rude about the guests, I get that she hates them right now and she’s tired but calling them ‘sad old people’ is a bit much.

The next morning, new deckhand Barnaby Birkbeck is on his job right away, impressing Gary, his boss. Captain Glenn immediately turns off the engine and starts sailing, it’s so gorgeous but the guests are super hung over and trying to walk sideways while still drunk is not as much fun for them as it is for us to watch.

Primary Dr. Nichols is throwing up first thing but everyone else has enough energy to order a million complicated drinks. Then they ask for the crew to pack their bags again. Daisy directs Ashley to literally throw everything in the bags, wrapping dresses in shoes (??) and not folding one single thing. It’s like she’s making a stand because she gets super spooked when she hears guest Chris hollering for yet another mimosa on deck.

Guest departure time! Don’t let the boat hit you on the passarelle on the way out! Daisy predicted a shitty tip and it’s not a very thick envelope sooooo.

My guess is $13,000 based on the comments about service sucking and the staff clearly being down a person. Captain Glenn calls a tip meeting: it is $20,000 USD, $2,500 each, holy cow. They should have packed them better, huh?

Daisy has zero guilt. They earned every penny.

Captain Glenn gives everyone the good news; the new stew starts today! She’ll be coming in time for the crew night out; Ashley is worried. Super worried. She likes things how they are with just her and Daisy even though Daisy had basically the worst charter ever.

It doesn’t matter what Ashley wants, new steward Scarlett Bentley from Arkansas has arrived! She seems like your usual blonde steward; Gary literally runs to grab her luggage to help her. He’s unaware that Ashley is going to claim him as hers in just moments.

Scarlett and Ashley chat in their room; Ashley trying to pretend as though she and Gary have something legit is ridiculous. I mean, you basically assaulted him while he was intoxicated. Lots of times but the last time in particular.

This is all the crew talks about on the way to dinner, wheeeeee. Ashley tells us she thinks her sleeping with Gary and telling everyone she could is going to make her look bad in front of the new girl; we just know she was actually marking her territory because she’s DELUSIONAL.

Gary flirts with the new girl because I don’t think he’s capable of not doing so while an increasingly drunk Ashley struggles to get his attention from two seats down. She slurs over and over that ‘it happened!’ and honestly, let’s switch those genders again and see where we end up.

How many people would be in support of Gary loudly complaining that he’s basically scored with Ashley while she was drunk out of her mind but now wouldn’t give him the time of day?

Daisy stares at the camera seeking help; then asks Gary to go for a ciggie. Scarlett goes instead and gets an expected warning about Gary.

Ashley is back at the table talking about Gary’s penis being in her vagina, over and over and over while Barnaby tries to act like this is normal, right right.

Even Colin is embarrassed watching this and he usually loooooooves this type of shite. He’s the only one aside from Daisy speaking truth to the schwasted, however. When Ashley whines that she thinks Gary wants to make her look stupid by denying what happened, Colin straight up says she looks stupider right now going on about it.

I mean, I do feel bad for her. I’ve been in a situation where I liked someone more than they liked me and I had a hard time watching them flirt with other people, so I’m trying not to throw stones but all my energy is devoted to lighting small candles in high windows to thank the gods for not having cameras on me in my early 20s.

If they even had cameras back then.

Colin really is the voice of reason this episode; he tells an intoxicated Gary that he needs to deal with Ashley. She isn’t making anything up, she just remembers more than he does and she doesn’t know where to go from here.

That’s…exactly it, Colin. Well said.

After dinner we’re in the hot tub and everyone is just so, so drunk. Except Scarlett, who seems mostly bemused. I keep trying to read what’s tattooed around her breasts without feeling like a pervert but here we are.

Ashley tries to confront Gary but he’s not having it. She’s just in a world of hurt right now, stumbling off to the galley to eat leftover pasta with the rest of the crew, leaving Gary in the hot tub by himself.

Ashley stuffs food into her mouth with both hands; it’s no surprise when she throws up not even an hour later as Gary tries to wheedle Daisy into his bed for a cuddle.

It’s an ugly morning the next day, even through her hangover Ashley manages to find the energy to ask what her title is in comparison to Scarlett. Daisy is so over all of this.

Captain Glenn calls Gary, Daisy and Marcos to the crew mess, time to name and shame our next charter gang wooooo! Who’s coming, Cap’n?? Keely Washburn is our Primary Charter Guest, she’s a repeat customer but I missed most of last season so I dunno. Guest Jess Cimato was there before too; everyone else looks to be new. Jess says she’s severely allergic to all dairy products (people know how rare it is to be ACTUALLY allergic to dairy as an adult, right?) and hates curry and all Indian food. I am regretfully crossing her off my Invite To Anything List.

According to the flashbacks from last season, she’s also one of those people who interpret criticism of all types as jealousy; regretfully crossing her off my List Of People To Remember Existed At All.

Wigs and Sequins party is day 2, wooooo that sounds fun! Are…the sequins on the wig?

Marcos is up against it as he has a ten course dairy-free meal ahead of him with no tomato-based dishes. So no cream and no tomato…

Gary hugs Scarlett in the salon and tells her she’s super cute and she is; but is basically a cipher. She’s said four words out loud but Gary is so happy to have someone on board who really ‘gets’ him. They chat on deck then head to bed in their own rooms.

Kelsie is a straight shooter besides being completely invisible most of the time (except when telling us about her poop); she talks to Daisy about Scarlett being put in a bad situation by Ashley who is allllll bad vibes. She’s not wrong, but her assertion that Scarlett won’t even feel like she can talk to Gary is clearly not the case.

The next morning Ashley is not hung over and fully in her glee about being more experienced than Scarlett; Daisy asks Captain Glenn for Scarlett’s CV and we can see that second stew title hovering over Ashley now, can’t we?

Ashley wants so badly to be able to boss someone around she can TASTE it. That’s what Daisy thinks, I don’t know if that’s exactly true.

Daisy tells Ashley she’s not going to be second steward because she doesn’t have the teamwork aspect down; which neither did Gabriele, right? Gabriele wasn’t about teamwork, she was about getting shite done however it needed to be. I agree that Ashley isn’t a leader, which I think you do need for second stew.

We’re out to Ashley’s disbelieving face staring into Daisy. Cheers!