Below Deck Sailing Yacht S3:E11 Paging Doctor Nipples Recap

And we're back on Below Deck Sailing Yacht with... erm, Dr. Nipples? Why are we paging them? I dunno, let's find out in my recap of BDSY S3:E11 Paging Dr. Nipples after the break!

The crew is still reeling after the unexpected departure of second steward Gabriela Barragan; interesting that chief steward Daisy Kelliher is planning to keep third steward Ashley Marti in third when Ashley was pretttttty sure she should be at least in second.

Gabriele left because she was having trouble dealing with the many strong personalities below deck (hers was definitely the strongest); Captain Glenn Shephard was sorry to see her go but understood she was leaving to take care of her mental health. He's already called for a new stew to replace her.

Everyone else, including chef Marcos Spaziani was just glad to see the back of her, Gabriele could be really mean, especially when binge drinking.

We're also down a deckhand, that person is arriving within the hour, a mere quarter day until the start of our next charter. This is going to be a tough charter down a stew, however optimistic Captain Glenn is about it.

The new deckhand is Barnaby Birkbeck, he's English and a sailor and kinda cute if you're into tall drinks of water with 'Jesus hair.' Deckhand Kelsie Golgia is not into any of that. Barnaby has a sort of bizarre background, between rich-people sail-racing and being a water sports instructor for rich people like Richard Branson and Barack Obama.

Guest arrival happens before I even knew they were on the dock, welcome Primary Dr. Jen Nichols and fellow guests!

Daisy takes the gang on a boat tour then takes their very complicated drink orders as the deck crew schlepps their dozen full size suitcases on board. This is a two day charter!

The guests immediately complain about their custom drink orders; the Bloody Marys didn't have big enough bacon OR shrimp.

Just...get a sandwich, dude!

The de-docking goes smoothly with Barnaby's help, too bad things are getting even worse inside. The guests request that all their 12 suitcases worth of stuff is steamed; how is one person going to do that?

The fun part of Below Deck Sailing Yacht is the sailing; the less-fun part is the crew not having time to stow anything to protect against boat damage. Oh wow, they have a great sail AND there are dolphins! Dolphins!! Dolphins on the bow but the guests are literally all asleep on their loungers during the sailing and impromptu nature show.

The deck crew is too busy watching Dr. Nichols anyway; who is super hot in you're into that sort of thing. First Mate Gary King and Chief Engineer Colin MacRae gossip about the other ladies on the Parsifal III; most of whom Gary has gotten himself in some sort of trouble with:

  • Daisy, who Gary made out with in the hot tub and flirts with incessantly
  • Ashley, who apparently had some sort of sex with Gary while he was 'paralytically' drunk
  • The recently departed Gabriela, who spent several nights in Gary's bed without actually having sex with him
  • Kelsie gave Gary a foot massage in the swimming pool and now I have my eye on her

If this new second stew comes in and catches his eye...I'm just going to spray everyone with hand sanitizer and call it a day.

The guests rally to sit in the hot tub; they basically want a full meal as snacks then have supper in two hours. Poor Marcos races to get some food out on deck but now the guests are arguing about when exactly supper will be with Dr. Nichols threatening someone's life over a proposed late meal.

I mean, I would also be asleep by 10:30 PM, but I wouldn't issue death threats over it.

The crew decides to serve supper at 10:00 pm without any further guest input. This is the absolutely worst charter to be a person down.

So it's 10:40 when the guests finally wake up and make it on deck for supper; they're still ordering cocktails instead of wine with supper. Complicated, terrible cocktails.

Primary Dr. Nichols has her nipples out during supper and that explains the episode title! Marcos forgets his name, his mom's name and whatever it is he's serving.

Primary Dr. Nichols is schwasted, forgetting the four course meal she just ate and asking Marcos to come cook at home for her and her husband Chris. Marcos swallows his tongue.

After dinner everyone heads up on deck and Daisy tries to manage more complicated drink orders while also getting music and blankets for the guests on deck and it's chaos and messy and the guests don't really understand; Primary Dr. Nichols says the service sucks and her husband throws a 100-Euro note at Daisy as he walks out.

Two days, guys! That's all you have to make!

It's after 3 am before Daisy and Marcos are able to go to bed; less than 3 hours later he's up to start cooking again. Daisy sleeps in until 10 am but the guests sleep in longer. Holy shite, until almost 2 pm, that's nuts. I would do none of this if I was ever on charter.

Thank goodness the deck crew doesn't have much to do since Kelsie is moving so slowly...she just stares around at things on several occasions. When she does speed up, she drops the pin from one of the seabobs (I think it was a seabob) into the water so maybe slow is a better choice for her.

Primary Dr. Nipples isn't very nice to her husband.

Drink order after drink order after drink order follows; Daisy making grape-juice from grapes for a stupid drink called a Transfusion but honestly: her attitude is just terrible right now.

Barnaby is fitting in great, helping on deck and jumping in to help Daisy too. Okay, maybe the guests are just terrible; they're extremely late for supper and it looks like almost a midnight supper now. That Marcos has been working on since six am. After 3 hours of sleep. Sure!

And with that, we're out! Cheers, y'all, have a happy nation's holiday!