Billions S1:E5 The Deal Recap


Welcome back to Billions, let's see what shenanigans our GinjaNinjaBankster can get up to this week!

At the end of last episode, Chuck and the gang had just taken Dollar Bill Stearn out in handcuffs, and the conflict of interest / recusal situation was starting to seriously heat up.

I know I've said this a lot, but Dollar isn't doing NOTHIN against Bobby. Wendy is being led to a super serious, super secretive meeting with Bobby that doesn't involve clothes. It would appear he is also well aware of the conflict of interest issues and it's difficult to hide wires convincingly in your jubblies.

I've seen far more of Damian Lewis's nekkid body than I ever needed to on this show.

We also get to see Wendy's adorable bum, and we flash back to three days previously. Wendy is wandering out of her illicitly viewed Broadway show when she sees Dollar's arrest on the big screen. Now, Chuck did that specifically when she wouldn't be there for HER benefit, but with Bobby being so looks like she had advance knowledge and that is not good for her.

Chuck arrives home to find Wendy sleeping with one of the kiddos, this isn't over, C-Dawg.

Bobby tells his crew to get ready; there's an unscrupulous adversary out there, willing to use any means necessary to bring them all down. Chuck is trying to soften up Bill (why are you sitting in that chair? Why not Bobby?) and I just can't wait until Dollar starts speaking. I'm sure it will all be "Lawyer. LAWYER. Lawyer" but I'm distracted by Bobby comparing Dollar's arrest to the Pearl Harbour attacks. Um. I can see where he's going with that, meaning that everyone was so worried after, waiting for another attack and that was it: nada, but I think Bill Stearn's arrest has slightly less significance in the grand scheme of things. Also: in this scenario, Axe Financial is America and there's a war and sure.

Fancy Axe Lawyer is arguing that befriending a farmer and paying for medical bills does not an insider trader case make against Dollar, who slips the knife in a little deeper: he does not recognise Chuck's authority, which means he'll be invoking the "happened off American soil" clause discussed. Awww, look how fast they abandon America when they wanna cover shady dealings! Bryan is confused.

Bobby, Wags and The Pouch discuss strategy while Wendy stubs her toe and looks sad outside

Sad Maggie

Bobby shoos everyone away and allows her entrance into his hallowed space. He prefaces their discussion with "we're fcuked" and I don't even think I can spell that the normal way now. She doesn't think open warfare is good for anyone, and is concerned about his mentality right now. He needs to stop being mad and start being smart but his testicles are all up in his way.

Chuck and Bryan are NOT on the same page. Bryan thinks Bobby is too insulated to really take a hit, but Chuck says Bobby is the symbol of wealth of their age and a fraud. I mean. I don't agree, I think for ANYONE to become a billionaire, everyone accepts that there are deals afoot. They just do it much better than anyone else and that, in a nutshell, is capitalism. You can't have kinda capitalism and expect people to not try to win, can you? Marx?

Oooh, it's worse than I thought. Chuck wants to see Bobby behind bars and he isn't content to have a jury decide. Remember what I said about Chuck seeing himself as Judgement? Such a bad idea for a mere mortal to take on that mantle.

Lara is visiting Bill's wife, Sandy. She's brought muffins, and wads and wads of cash. All Bill's accounts are frozen, but Lara somehow knows their mortgage and property tax info and has provided all in tidy bundles "for as long as this lasts." Lara looks hella worried, though.

Chuck apologizes to Wendy for being a giant "puckered a$$hole" yesterday and mebbe there's hope for them after all. She asks him to go through the talk again, the right way, and it gets ugly fast. She asks him about recusal too! But he owes it to his team, TO THE PUBLIC and whatever, ho. He probes for info on Bobby's war preparations and she's oot.

Chuck's team is combing over Dollar's life, they have nada so far. Bryan is holding forth on how these crooked traders think "if you can't prove they did the murder, then they're not a killer" and legally, um yeah. I guess his swearing does it for Kate, because she says "you put a tickle in my belly" in Japanese while Terri glowers. They think they find something, Dollar has two minivans, "one in beige, one in Boring" and it's true: why would anyone have TWO minivans? Don't get me wrong, minivans are the shite, but TWO? Nobody has two minivans.

Wags prophesizes a bleed-out by the end of the year, but Bobby thinks taking action, cutting through the chatter and a bunch of other cliches will save them. Wags foresees a future with a rockin' family practice, but Bobby insists he needs outside capital. He doesn't want to be publicly shamed; will not take it. He has a plan, Lawrence Boyd of Spartan Something has to give an endorsement as their prime lender absolving them of the appearance of any wrongdoing: it's a show of faith. Wags is doubtful, but comes up with a plan involving baseball and maybe beer. I suggest lots of beer.

Back at Get Dolla Dolla Bill Central, they've tracked down the second minivan and solved the question: why two minivans? Two minivans for two families, of course! Side note: relationships are so tough on the solo; WHY two at the same time? I never got that.

Chuck monologues while turning the Second Family Screw, but Dollar was ready for that; he sends an email to Sandy, right there in the room, explaining everything. "I'm Kaiser Soze motherfcuker" and while I get that he means that he will kill what or whoever is close to him to prove his strength, YOU, SIR, ARE NO KAISER SOZE. Chuck is finally realising what I've been saying for two weeks: there is no way Bill's cracking.

Bryan and Orrin are peeing together and yakking in the bathroom; what couldĀ  make Bobby's people throw themselves on the bullets headed their way? Bryan doesn't get it, but I kinda do: loyalty is something people like Bobby trade in. He treats it with a WHOLE lot more respect than a politician would. They also trade in loyalty, but their alliances shift much more often. Orrin holds forth on that very thing, adding that most prosecutors switch to his side within 3 to 5 years, and true believers like Bryan get left behind to chew on their livers. I'm paraphrasing. Plus, rats, in that world, as in most of society, may save a few years jail time but they'll be dead forever.

Bryan goes OFF! We'll get him, follow him to the end of the earth, Bobby doesn't DO anything, make anything and we'll have him in shackles and blah sweary blah blah. Orrin openly laughs at him "you know you just work here, right?"

Lara runs into a mom friend (they mention playdates right away) at the coffee shop; upshot is that Bobby and Lara are already being excluded from events: their kids will NOT be playing with mom friend's kiddos at the party this weekend in Montauk, they ain't invited. I bet Lara picks up on this much faster than sadsack June, who took AGES to figure out she was being excluded.

Bobby is showing off on a Jacob's Ladder climbing trainer, he doesn't wanna know about the problems, Wags, yo, just solve it!

He barges into Wendy's office, all sweaty and gross and panting. He braces her about the $250k she took out a few weeks ago (you remember, to invest with Maria, who narrowly avoided 2 years of ATM with Wags) but she knows he's trying to use her as a shuttlecock (hee hee okay I'm 12) between her and her husband because they don't like each other. She stomps out and we get to see her smiling falsely at Orrin. Hmm, what was the point of that.

hee hee hee
hee hee hee

Orrin fills Bobby in on Dollar's "inspiring" hardness and I may have veered off tangent for a moment. It's making Orrin wanna lose 30 pounds, stockpile ammunition and protect his sister wives and when did this guy start getting all the good lines on this show? I didn't even know his name until 4 paragraphs ago!

He wants Bobby to sign a sweetheart deal; otherwise the office will stop pushing, they will find something, because let's face it: there's a shit-tonne to find.

Bobby will not settle and here is the crux of their battle: he says "He cannot just walk around using rumour and hearsay and destroy lives and businesses. I will not allow it" it's the first time I've seen Damian Lewis with the fire in his belleh and: respect

Chuck is talking with Adam DiGuilio (Rob Morrow) from the Attorney General's office; the AG feels that Chuck's conflict of interest is tarnishing the reputation and recusal comes up. That's a half dozen times, Chuck! Maybe give it a ponder!

Wags has arranged a baseball date with Lawrence Boyd and a small bell chimes in the hinterland as "Redemption Song" wafts across the alps with a sigh.

Less convinced is Lara, she thinks Bobby should follow the advice of his "fcuking lawyers", given that's what they do all day and that's it, the pressure is on from all sides. He thinks this is just like a stock play but she thinks he's messing with their lives.

Wendy and Chuck are having supper with Chuck Sr. and the fantastic Deborah Rush, lots of bro-ing and we got him on the run and blah blah. It's true that even a whiff of an investigation can kill a office; is that okay, really?

After, Jr. and Sr. enjoy a cigar (out of Wendy's view) and smile and smile and giggle and chuckle. Sr. thinks Jr. could go into the highest office in the land...but he needs to think about how this will work in actuality. Trench warfare comes up and Jr. KNOWS Sr.'s been talking to Wendy and he's MAD.

Later, Wendy opens up about Bobby and his motivations and I get that this is the point of the show; these two fighting, it just doesn't make much sense to me. Every single case would lead to a plea deal at this time; just nobody wants to do that. Or we're gonna spend an hour talking about this deal that will happen at minute 59. I bet that happens! Wendy says she can bring Bobby in for a deal.

Ohhhh Bobby showed up at the box, but it was Mailroom Night and I legit felt that burn. The market dumped him IMMEDIATELY. The only play is to take down Wendy, says Hall, and will he do that?

Bryan is FURIOUS about the potential deal with Bobby, Chuck gives him the day off to cool his jets.

Wendy can't get hold of Bobby, but as she leaves work, Hall scoops her up and this is presumably where we came in, with nekkid Bobby and Wendy in the hot tub.

Hot Tub

Bobby wants to know one thing: why is Wendy sticking around? It's not because of his need, or her patience, the insecure egomaniacs all, or spying for Chuck, but rather because she says she helped build this company, from the ground up.

He tells her he wants to make a deal, asking if Chuck will? And awww they're both capitulating, which makes for a difficult session when you don't know who's supposed to be on the bottom.

Chuck is super excited and all poncy; he calls Adam to tell him he will NOT be recusing himself, but instead took a plea for admission of guilt and a 1.9 billion dollars. He now has a Family Office, just like that. Bobby stares at the 1.9 billion dollar cheque, which he can sign, but not an admission of guilt, which may be coming the following day.

How is this even happening??

Chuck and Bobby are finally where they have been headed since the beginning: Bobby on one side; Chuck on the other and absolutely an admission of guilt is on the table: will Bobby sign? Side note: he better NOT. He does agree, but Chuck pushes his luck and starts his monologuing, which makes Wags and Bobby start teasing about how little an effect this will have on their business. Chuck can't take it and says: no Family Office, Lifetime Ban and that's it, Bobby loses it next and tears up the cheque and stomps out.

We see him on the freeway, blaring Metallica and Chuck has recused himself, FINALLY. Wendy calls that "substantial fcuking growth" just before Chuck tears her clothes off and HE'S the boss for once!

Later, he sneaks out to meet Bryan. He has no intention of recusing himself, just no record for any longer.

So. Bobby DIDN'T sign the deal? How will that work? I'm confused and I hate Master of Puppets, so I'm shutting this off right now. I can't see Bobby being shut down forever and this recusal is BS, so we're where, exactly? Dis show...see you next week, keep it fluffy, kitties!