Hi everyone and welcome to the season finale of Divorce. A lot has changed in these ten short weeks, let’s see how the Defresnes end things off. Rolling Detente after the break.

Ooooh FunSpace DOES look fun! Skeeball, batting cages, a (rockin’) rock wall, micro-pub and hey, Robert (Thomas Hayden Church) really moving along with this. How is the sale of those NINE HOMES proceeding? Never mind, we’re at an investor’s meeting, let’s get some moola!

Gerald (Geoffrey Owens) the shitty lawyer, Don (Rick Crom) the fired accountant, Nick (Tracy Letts), Craig (a guy who thinks painting kid colours makes up for the crappy space): the gang’s all here! Nick wants in, he’s here to make money. Robert has a detailed plan involving other locations and no time to take a call from son Tom (Charlie Kilgore), who’s waiting at the school with Lila (Sterling Jerins). Frances (Sarah Jessica Parker) isn’t picking up her phone either.

There’s some confusion about whose day it is to pick them up…it’s Frances after all, where they were supposed to take the bus to but didn’t because Charlie thought it was Dad’s day. Time to walk home!

Frances is meeting with Elaine Campbell (J. Smith-Cameron); did she have to serve Robert at the basketball game? It’s going to get worse before it gets better; the financial accounting starts now. Which means no more money going out to FunSpace or anything else. This is about to make Robert very uncomfortable. Frances would like that rated, 1-10, 10 being “giving blowjobs for beer money.” Elaine calls it a hard 8 and eep. Frances thinks a minute; she can live with that

Tom and Lila are taking a shortcut on the way home when she gets hit by a car; NOW somebody better damn well pick up their phone!

At the hospital, Frances and Robert hold hands and worry about Lila not thinking she’s important enough to be kept safe. Charlie is blaming all of this on himself for misunderstanding the pickup schedule. The implication is that it’s the parent’s fault for putting things like FunSpace and litigation ahead of their real concern: the kids, but me and Robert call bullshit. Accidents do happen, anyone who says anything else is selling something. Yes, it’s a complicated situation but internalizing a bunch of guilt for something you couldn’t have prevented: not helpful.

Diane (Molly Shannon) is relaxing in the usual way: 2 for 1 Stella Artois! That’s just smart shopping! A small boy has lost his mommy; Diane stops shopping for craft ales and helps him. What does Wyatt’s mommy look like? Like her! I have a bad feeling about that…and indeed when Wyatt’s mommy appears she looks like a Mama June version of Diane. That is a size reference and a breathing reference and none of it is body-shaming, just straight up comparison. Diane is horrified, but she missed the important part: the other woman has the same colour and length of jacket. Wyatt’s mommy is also pissed off that her son keeps wandering off and talking to strangers, worrying her, but we get Diane’s non-parenting view on that interaction. She thinks she’d be a better mom than THAT mom. I’ve seen her try to be a good friend, so I’m skeptical. There is always hope as long as there is desire!

Robert is a great dad, hey? He keeps Lila company with some 70s band background information, wearing a bandage like hers in solidarity. The wounded do rule! Frances lets him stay

Ohhhh man. Robert is taking his investors to the finish line; first he has to field a call from the bank. George (Jim Bracchitta) should not have phrased it that way. Everyone’s cheques cleared for FunSpace except his: his assets are now frozen as per Elaine Campbell’s court order.

Now

Why wouldn’t Frances have told Robert the night before when they were caring for their children together? I guess that’s when some people would start hiding money away, but really: how do you live when you have no cash and your assets are frozen?

Hiccup in closing, guys! Robert has to get firm with George AND Nick, it will be a few days.

It’s Frances’s gallery opening, Donald (Robert Forster) is entertaining the children while a drunk Diane tells Nick about her encounter of the juvenile kind. She’s been thinking.

Hallelujah, sister! Nick would like her to slow down on the wine, maybe? Nah, we blew past that hours ago.

Dallas (Talia Balsam) is at the opening too, she gives a great speech about this “jewel box of a gallery” and they toast while I worry that someone’s gonna come in and start packing up the china because Frances’ assets are frozen.

Frances gives an even BETTER speech about seizing life by the balls and having the gumption to open up this miraculous gallery that she’s wanted and dreamed of for so long. She ends with “the wine is free; the paintings and the art are not” and it’s party time! Nobody came and took the wine, whew!

Donald comes up to chat with Frances, is Robert being good to her? She can’t take living this lie any longer, she has to tell him the truth. It wasn’t Robert who had the affair; it was her. He takes it fairly well, even if it hurts his heart a little. Is he telling her mother? No, she will be and it hurts my heart a little when he asks Frances to go easy on her mother: she’s had a complicated life.

Let’s just call it that: complicated.

Robert is screaming on the phone to Tony Silvercreek (Dean Winters) who is actually counseling caution for once. Frances might not have known anything about the asset freezing (I’m pretty sure she did), wait until Monday so he can talk with Elaine Campbell, who’s been known to freestyle.

That’s not going to work for Robert

Don’t you go see Frances at her gallery opening, Robert! Don’t you do it! When Tony Silvercreek is the Voice of Reason

BUT

How did Robert write a cheque anyway when he didn’t have any money? They are drowning in debt, she’s the only income-earner, HOW did he think there would be money to cover this? Frances had to turn down a great job because of the divorce; she knows the realities of that situation, does he still not understand that they have no money?

Oh look who’s at the gallery too! It’s Julian (Jermaine Clement), awesome, hope Robert hurries before the French New Zealander gets kicked out for being a tool! He’s been Googling her name every night…

Once again: he didn’t remember her name when Robert came looking for him with a loaded gun, but now: he Googles her. She does not give this the weight he seems to feel it deserves.

Julian leaves to see Robert lurking across the street, watching. He runs like a scared Kiwi on the streets of New York after dark.

Robert comes in quiet, is it okay to talk to Frances? I am so nervous….he compliments her on bringing her vision to life. All those moving parts. He wants to thank her for everything she’s done for the family, keeping the roof over everyone’s head. She’s waited a long time to hear that.

I didn’t expect that, but I kinda did too, when she hesitated about filing. He doesn’t attack after all, he leaves her sitting and sad and alone. Do you think she just needed the acknowledgement? That she didn’t want a divorce after all, but just to feel respected and important? He DOES still have that mustache.

She closes up the gallery and heads home, to be awoken by Robert’s call in the middle of the night. She was going to call him anyway; she hasn’t seen the kids for awhile with the gallery opening, can they swap weekends so she can take the kids skiing? He agrees.

He’s just calling to compliment her on the gallery, he knows how it must feel to see all that hard work come to fruition. She tells him to keep plugging away, he’ll get there some day.

He hangs up and trashes the construction house he’s living in, thinking all night. The next morning, he calls 911.

Frances has the kids bundled in the car and heading to the ski hill while my least favourite song in the world plays: Spinning Wheel by Blood, Sweat and Tears. I hate it but I know what it means: Frances is about to understand how uncomfortable Robert is feeling.

She’s pulled over, I’m guessing Robert has decided to say that trip to the ski hill wasn’t sanctioned after all. “Are you authorized to have custody of your children right now?” and no, she is not. Not technically. The police officer goes to find out what’s going on while Frances calls Robert. He’s not picking up, but her message bears transcribing.

“You have made a terrible, awful, irreparable mistake. And you’ve lost, Robert. You have lost everything.now.”

We’re out to watching them cry separately.

Whew

Honestly, I didn’t expect a happy ending, but I had hoped things might go better than that. I think this entire series can be summed in two words: divorce sucks. Avoid at all costs. Even Stella Artois two-for-one doesn’t make it fun. Thanks for reading along for this season, cheers! And now the Ambien and Stella.