Good day my fellow Foster-ites and welcome back to BBC One where the Doctor is very much in. Last week we had a few shocks in a row, let’s see what Doctor Foster and the ex-mister have in store for us. Rolling S2:E2 after the break.

So. Last time we ended with Doctor Gemma Foster (Suranne Jones) and her ex-husband Simon (Bertie Carvel) in a showdown over their son Tom (Tom Taylor), who went from not wanting to attend his dad’s wedding to moving in with his dad with nary a word of explanation to his mum.

Simon went from bankruptcy to a new swank mansion a mile away with his childbride, that’s where we find Gemma watching him and Tom chat before Tom heads off to school. Gemma has raised the most obtuse offspring, I swear, she’s so obvious. She leaves message after message, but he’s not picking up at all.

Doctor Foster has a new fidget, y’all, she’s added a careful centre-palm rub that looks achy.

Toms teacher James (Prasanna Puwanarajah), otherwise known as Gemma’s adorable and incredibly patient date, interrupts Gemma’s stalking to ask her out on another date and I have to call majah bullshite at this point.

Granted: Gemma is an intelligent, articulate and beautiful woman, but she is the worst date ever, openly ignoring James in between playing gross sexual cat and mouse games with her ex-husband, honestly. Hard pass, James, it’s just not the right time.

Gemma’s off to see her neighbour Neil (Adam James) to start the investigation into Simon’s finances, she forgoes the usual fee, I see. Meaning last time she blackmailed him after sex, and somehow they’re still friends, including his wife who previously hated Gemma but apparently loves now that her husband has been behind Gemma’s green door. IT MAKES NO SENSE.

Neil heads into where Simon’s new venture, The Courtyard looks just like Simon’s last project, but with less scandal and bankruptcy attached. They’re going for drinkies later!

Oh Gemma. Oh Gemma don’t interrogate Tom’s friend Max (Frank Kauer), that’s just creepy, luv.

She sees Tom coming out then and follow him to…her medical office. But not to see her or that arsehole Ros (Thusitha Jayasundera), rather he has an appointment with Sian (Sian Brooke) who is trouble on the hoof for our Doctor Foster, you mark my words.

Ros drags Sian into the staff room, where she finds Gemma marking charts and interested in making friends: how about dinner? It seems Sian doesn’t trust that Gemma will have anything on properly, so instead it will be at her house. The way she said that was just like someone contemplating a sticky spill on the floor; “I guess if I have to, I’ll have to take care of that, then.”

Poor hypochrondriac Gordon (Daniel Cerqueira) can’t get any Doctor Foster love this season either! Gemma pawns him off on Sian.

The doorbell rings as Gemma’s heading out, it’s an estate agent there to do a valuation on the house as per her “husband”‘s request. Gemma takes it in stride, but I’d be shocked and more than a little stabby. I do tend to paranoia.

Sian is upset that Gemma is five minutes early, fine come on in then.

Neil and Simon are getting along famously, Simon says his recent booty is because of a lucky frakking tip but Neil and I are skeptical. Well, I am, Neil’s too busy staring at some young woman’s bum to be paying much attention.

Simon stops mincing words: what was his wife like in bed for Neil? Was she good?

*MREEP MREEP MREEP*

Neil, this is a trap! DO NOT ANSWER!!

*MREEP MREEP MREEP*

And then we get some super gross oversharing from Simon about what Gemma is like in bed, including commentary on her body (good…for her age) which is only meant to inflame all of us. Neil sticks up for our Gemma and won’t be drawn, but Simon isn’t going to give much away, he’s too suspicious. And tried something called a “butterchurner” which means I have to pop over to Urban Dictionary. Won’t be a minute.

But…but…how did Simon almost break HIS neck during a butter churner?

Sian and Gemma appear to be getting along well, Sian’s got a son via a bloke named Evan that she did everything she could do to keep from his son. That’s…kind of shitty, isn’t it? Sian doesn’t seem the type to accept that different doesn’t equal worse when it comes to parenting styles, perhaps that’s it.

A couple of bottles of wine later, we know Sian only dates women now and Gemma and Simon probably should have been kicked out of a castle for lewd behaviour but not why Tom came to see Sian. Gemma asks her outright but doesn’t find out much more. I did like the part where they called each other names, I think that’s the first time there hasn’t been tension between them yet!

Neil similarly lays all his cards out on the table with Simon, is he scheming to take away Tom and drive Gemma out of town?

Sure he is, after all, Gemma ruined his life, forcing him to beat her and give him a criminal record, his son to hate him for beating his mother and his friends were mad too. Honestly, I’m only glad Simon was able to rebound for his biggest fan (himself) and pull himself together to stage this comeback.

Then he tempts Neil with some strange, let’s see how reformed our ginger detective is.

Sian finally spills: Tom came to see her about anxiety, she helped him and Gemma is grateful. She didn’t even hate the fish after all and I think we all like Sian now.

Simon oversees while Neil and the lady at the bar get on like a house on fire; Neil is really quite charming and attractive. I’ve never understood why guys like him get married.

Or maybe it’s not just dudes

Simon gives them a little space as Gemma grabs a bottle of wine and walks away into the night. Um. That’s terrible guest etiquette, Gemma, where are you headed? Oh great, to stare into another window, but I think at least this one isn’t Simon’s.

JFC, she’s at Max’s house, watching him dance on the couch while lurking in the backyard in the dark. He’s 15, Gemma! Honestly. Yes, you miss your son, but you’ll miss him more if you get busted for stalking a minor while drunk and carrying an open bottle of booze.

I don’t know what I’d do in her situation, though, so let me shut up.

He notices her, nope, Tom’s not here and NO HE DOESN’T HAVE ANY WINE, GEMMA. HE’S 15.

Oh christ he does too, what is she thinking?! Some extremely awkward underage questioning later and Gemma hears exactly what we never, ever want to imagine.

“He says he doesn’t love you” and Gemma’s face falls in.

She skulks over to the back of Simon’s house and watches Tom through his bedroom window, calling him so she can see him not answer.

Gemma wanders around and sees Kate (Jodie Comer) kissing an attractive man goodbye. Huh. Kate’s in her jammies, but Tom’s right there and while this guy kissed Kate, he held her face more like he cherished her, like a child. Hm.

Gemma’s made it downtown where all the taxis are, but also where there’s a club. Decision time!

Ooh even better, she called James to come see her and he is ADORABLE! Also sober to her very drunk, so able to focus on getting that first kiss out of the way.

She leads him towards the bathrooms, but hey! He’s a good guy! He doesn’t want to screw a very drunk Gemma in a public bathroom in front of a bunch of his former students, he’d like to get to know her. She does her level best to get him into the bathroom, he caves and suggests his place? She’s like “eewww, whut?” He leaves.

Another guy’s up for it, but the sport’s gone out of it for our good doctor, she just wants to go home. Thanks for the “you’re hot” though!

Of course, outside Simon is just leaving the pub as well. Sigh. Gemma’s staggering drunk, she does not make the best decisions at these moments. Leave no visible scars, honey, but get him good.

Oh but he just takes a picture of her without saying a word and gets into a cab and is gone.

Such a brutal a takedown with nary a word spoken.

Gemma cabs home where she finds Neil’s wife Anna (Victoria Hamilton) on the lawn with a glass of wine; Neil won’t be home now, it’s too late. She hopes Gemma got what she needed.

Honestly. This woman blames everyone else BUT her twat of a husband for her life.

A text from Simon with her picture and a “Think I should show Tom?” sends her to sleep on the couch because you can do that when you live alone.

A doorbell wakes her up, time for brekkie with James! I do not miss hangovers, not one little bit. It’s another estate agent come to do a valuation so she slams the door in his face and goes to put on the kettle. This time it’s James ringing the doorbell, he’s brought breakfast!

Gemma’s got the entertainment! She tells us that she’s not afraid of sex, just emotional intimacy. She had a 28-year-old boytoy named Charlie who she would sleep with on the side until he caught feelings. She got around that by paying him 50 quid after each time, hahahaha! Atta girl, Gemma, do you, or Charlie, or whomever, you know what I mean.

Or James! She does James and it’s lovely, but she’s sad after. I wonder if it’s because she’s still in that same room her and Simon used to have sex in, with the same sheets they bounced on.

He thinks she’s wanting to change, that’s why she’s telling him all this super interesting stuff about the other peni she’s hung out with, I think she’s just extremely thrown. Feelings are impossible.

She kisses him goodbye outside and sees Neil asleep in his car in front of his house. Anna’s finally had enough and she won’t go any further with him. He blurts out what he can about Simon, but his crying in the middle has Gemma rubbing his back and offering him her place to stay. Neil knows Simon set him up, he hates Neil. And Gemma too, so be very careful, Gemma. He knows all about her, so who can’t she trust?

Gemma bursts in on Sian, but REALLY: ROS IS RIGHT THERE!! How can she even think of trusting her? And Sian, while annoying, strikes me as completely straight-edged, I can’t see her spying for Simon. Jaysus wept, Gemma.

Oh but let me shut up again, Sian does know Simon and has been reporting back to him, but now only positive stuff. Swearsies. Gemma fires Sian (I fink), she doesn’t take kindly to people who lie to her. Sian apologizes and all is well?

Gemma goes right to Simon, who’s been waiting for her. A tense showdown over who will be packing their bags and leaving is interrupted by a phone call: something has happened to Tom?

They race each other to the school, where Tom sits, covered in blood and clearly roughed up. He’s been in a fight, well, more of an attack. It was him that did the attacking, though, he beat up his best friend Max. He’s been excluded and has to go home, but to which home? We’re out at that line, at least that’s as far as I was able to see.

So. In my opinion, she needs to leave Tom be so he can have some space, but Simon intimated that he shared”the rest of the story” with Tom, what can that mean? Nothing good, because Simon doesn’t play by the rules, does he? He’s just a victim of a wife he was forced to exact revenge on, since she didn’t like his cheating, lying or beating. That kind of mentality can lead you ANYWHERE.

My money is on Doctor Foster, as always, but I’d love to have five minutes in a corner to explain about how not to give someone ammunition to ruin your life. There are incredibly cruel, unhappy people out there and they will take down whomever they can, all justifiable in their minds just like Simon. Don’t let them win, Gemma. Until next time!