Time for Lucifer S1:E3 The Would-Be Prince of Darkness Recap, alright?

We open with a beautiful lady in blue, on a rooftop seemingly poised to jump. Lucifer appears behind her and looking over her shoulder says “Go on, go ahead, jump. You know you want to.” He continues on “Come on, it’s a warm welcome.” “But won’t it hurt?” she asks. “There’s only one way to find out” Lucifer replies. She jumps. And does a giant bomb into the rooftop swimming pool.

Lucifer makes his way through the rooftop party, seemingly looking for someone. He finds Ty, and says “I have been looking for you all night, star quarterback, number one draft pick, and yet for one inexplicable reason, a virgin!”. Ty replies “Look man, I got all the haters I need online, alright”. Lucifer replies “No, no, I’m not criticising, I’m fascinated! Do you know how rare you are? A celebrity virgin in Los Angeles, surrounded by temptation. You Ty, are like a four leaf clover and a unicorn made a baby!”. “My agent wanted me to throw this party, he wants me to loosen up”. “He’s right” replies Lucifer, “I’ve met your type before, so desperate to control their lives they forget to enjoy it.”

“So if you were to let go, what is it that you would most desire?” “Skip my morning workout”. “Boring” says Lucifer. “Sit on the couch and watch Masterchef?” says Ty. “These are the desires of a post-menopausal housewife! Come on Ty there must be something deeper!”. “I wanna get laid so damn bad” says Ty, “It’s so hard to keep control”. “Uncomfortably hard, I bet” laughs Lucifer. Lucifer points out a girl Ty was talking to before and suggests that she would like to be the mother of his children. “I can’t man, my mother-” Ty says, “Don’t bring her into it, that’s disgusting” interjects Lucifer. “If you desire her, go and get her.” Ty takes the proffered glass of champagne, and heads over.

The girl in blue approaches “Well hello my little cannonball” Lucifer says “I seem to have forgotten to introduce myself, Lucifer Morningstar.” “Lucifer Morningstar, the owner of Lux” she replies, “No, you’re not, I’ve seen him before, his beats are sick.” “I very much beg your pardon, beats?” replies Lucifer, not impressed. “Yeah, he performed at a rap battle last week in the Valley” she replies. “Every single part of that sentence horrifies me” retorts Lucifer. “It is so gross that you are pretending to be someone you’re not” she replies, “And your accent is fake” she says as she walks off. Lucifer is momentarily shocked, but soon spots three ladies checking him out from across the bar. “Don’t mind if I do.”

The next morning Lucifer wakes surrounded by the ladies, he’s being shaken by Ty, who says “Lucifer, I need your help, something really bad has happened”. “Well, I hope you enjoyed every minute of it” Lucifer says. “No I’m freaking out, can you help me, please?”

Chloe is at home, researching hypnosis on the internet. Trixie comes in and asks what she doing, and Chloe explains that she has seen Lucifer do some things she can’t explain. “Is Lucifer a magician?” asks Trixie, “Why don’t you just ask him to explain?” Chloe replies “He’s like a magician, and they don’t like to reveal their secrets.” Just then her cell phone rings. “That can not be him” she says seeing that it’s Lucifer calling. “Lucifer, how did you even get this number?”

At Ty’s house, Lucifer leads Chloe through to the pool, “What’s the emergency” she asks. “In this case, I think it’s better to show than tell.” he replies. In the pool is the body of an underwear clad lady, floating face down. Later when the CSI team has arrived, they discover haemorrhaging in the eyes and contusions on the neck, “Strangulation. And one of the victim’s fingernails has been ripped off” says the tech. “Signs of struggle, we got a murder on our hands” replies Chloe. Chloe questions Ty and he tells her he got up early with a hangover, came down to get water and that’s when he saw her in the pool. “I didn’t know her before last night, her name was Allie, maybe?” Ty says. Chloe asks why he didn’t call the police right away and he tells her that he told Lucifer, who said he would call them. He gives her the guest list, 250 in total. “You know what that means” says Chloe, “Great party” replies Lucifer. “250 suspects” sighs Chloe.

Lucifer approaches a tech looking for trace with a blue light, “Oh, I’d be careful with that in the bedroom, you could go blind” Lucifer tells her. Ew. Chloe leads him away saying, “You want to help, you can help me account for everyone who was at that party. The time of death was between one and three AM. Actually is there someone who can vouch for your whereabouts at the time?” “Several someones in fact” Lucifer replies. They go and look through some photos to see if Ty recognises anyone who was talking to Allie. Lucifer picks out one guy “Look at those big, strong hands, perfect for squeezing the life out of anyone” and then “Oh. Ginger lad. Soul-less bastards. Give even me the creeps”. LOL. Chloe pulls him away and tells him he needs to go and sit with the other witnesses and shuts him out on the pool deck.

Chloe is sorting through evidence at the crime scene, when ex-Dan arrives to lend a hand. They sort through unclaimed property, but can’t locate a bag or ID belonging to the victim. Chloe looks through the pile again, looking for a small bag that would go with the little dress she had been wearing. “Something like this”, she says, pulling out a silver clutch. Inside she finds a car key, which leads them to a car, and a resulting ID. Allie Thornton, 23 from Boise, Idaho. “She was a long way from home”, says Chloe. A tech comes in and tell them she has found something in Ty’s master bedroom, it’s the missing fingernail from Allie’s body, in the bed. Chloe hears laughing from outside the room, and finds Lucifer chuckling away at a steamy sounding video on a phone. “What the hell are you doing”, Chloe says. “Well since you banished me outside with the lepers, I decided to make myself useful” replies Lucifer. “You call watching porn on your phone useful” Chloe asks. “This isn’t my phone”, Lucifer replies, “I think it’s our recently departeds”. It’s Allie and Ty, getting it on. “Are you taping this?”, Ty says on the video, making a grab for the phone. Chloe finds Ty, and tells the officer questioning him to cuff him. “You’re making a mistake, Chloe” Lucifer says. “Lucifer, this is all your fault.” says Ty, “I wish I’d never met you.”

Lucifer tells Chloe they’ve arrested the wrong man, he’s knows evil, and the person responsible is still out there. They discuss Ty’s motivations, his squeaky clean image, the video, and Chloe insists he lost control and killed her. “He was horny, not murderous” explains Lucifer. Lucifer tries to tell her there is something else on the phone, she should look into, but she cuts him off and tells him the LAPD will look into it, she doesn’t need his help.

Lucifer returns to Lux, where Maze tells him he has had a call from the LAPD Financial Investigations Unit. Apparently he destroyed the honeymoon suite at the Budget Hut in Tarzana last night. “I’d rather return to the fires of hell, than spend a night in Tarzana”, Lucifer says. She tells him that someone using his name and credit card skipped out on a $2000 tab at Zany Wings as well. “Do I look like I’d eat a Zany Wing”, says Lucifer, horrified. Maze thinks it’s hilarious, and tells him she can’t wait to see what this human does next.

Lucifer goes to see Linda, his therapist, and has a rant about this human diluting the Lucifer brand with the Budget Huts and Zany Wings. Linda tells him is anger is perhaps disproportionate to the identity theft, and there might be some displacement. “I’ll show you displacement, when I displace his bollocks and throw them on the floor and stamp on them one at a time” growls Lucifer.

Chloe goes to see Ty and his agent at their offices, and finds Lucifer holding court. She asks what the hell he his doing and he tells her he’s trying to find Allie’s actual killer. He found that Allie had called this office from her phone a few hours before her murder, and she had been speaking to Ty’s agent. They go to speak to his agent, Joe Hanson, asking why he spoke to the victim before she was killed. He says that maybe he should have his attorney present, but Lucifer tries to snag him with his mind tricks and get him to talk, but all they get is that he wants to be the best agent in the world and protect his clients. He shakes Lucifer off, and then offers to make a deal. He’ll tell everything he knows, if they look into something for him.

Chloe cuts him off, telling him they know that they offer up young actresses as party favours in exchange for some representation, and he admits that this is true. Joe tells them he wanted Ty to keep the virgin rep, he just wanted him to get over his ex. Turns out his ex is the crazy stalker type, constantly calling and leaving creepy scrapbooks about the two of them. After she got too controlling in their relationship, Joe told him to break up with her. He refuses, but eventually took out a restraining order after she broke a girl’s nose for buying him a drink. Joe says “If Deborah ever found out Ty was with that poor girl . . . “

Lucifer and Chloe stake out Deborah’s yoga studio, and discuss Lucifer’s feelings of guilt due to pushing Ty to pick up Allie. He tells her he’ll feel better when he can punish the real killer, and thinks that they are getting warmer. Deborah leaves class, and they go to speak to her. She refuses to speak to them and as she gets close to her car, it explodes! “See, warmer!” says Lucifer.

The crime techs find a remote detonator for the bomb, and Chloe orders that all the security cameras in the area be checked. She tells Deborah that whoever set off the bomb had a clear line of sight and set if off before she got to the car, the idea was obviously not to hurt her, just to scare her. “Why did you run from us, makes you look awfully guilty”, says Lucifer. “I thought you were going to bust me for violating my restraining order” she replies. “I went to Ty’s party last night but I just looked from outside the window, I miss him.” “Yes, breaking up is so hard isn’t it? You’re like two pathetic peas in a pod!” says Lucifer. She tells them that she is the best at being his girlfriend, and they never stay broken up for long, it’s just a phase. But she saw him kissing Allie, “And what, squeezed the life out of her?” says Lucifer. They ask where she was during the time frame of the murder, and she tells them she was at her favourite place. An ice cream store, where she cried and ate for 3 hours, all caught on security cameras.

Chloe and Dan discuss the bomb and he tells her that they might know who did it. Facial recognition has picked up Ronnie Hillman, a well known Hollywood fixer. Dan tells her he’s been trying to build a case against her for years but she always lawyers up whenever they approach her. She won’t talk to cops, so who should they send? Hmmmm.

“Do I get a code word?” asks Lucifer, “You know for when you take her down? May I suggest Monkey Bottoms, I can work that into any sentence.” “You sure this is a good idea?” asks Dan. “Lucifer reached out to her, and she agreed to meet him, so it’s our best shot” replies Chloe. “You don’t need a code word, you just need to vouch for Dan as someone who needs her services”. “Vouch? For Detective Douche? This is going to be harder than I thought” says Lucifer. “Once I engage with her, I will hire her to fix a problem of mine” says Dan. “Well if it’s that stick up your arse, I’m afraid there’s no one strong enough to pull that out.”

At Lux, Lucifer meets with Ronnie while Dan waits. She gives him a few caresses, “Are you checking for a wire, or just pleased to see me” says Lucifer. “Little bit of both” she replies. She tells him he can help him with his imposter problem, and Lucifer is shocked she knows about it. “Your professional reputation has taken a bit of a dive” she tells him, “As well as your sexual one, I’m afraid. That is the reason you reached out to me, isn’t it?” “Yes, it very much is” says Lucifer, “I do have a problem that could use your help”. “I’m all yours” Ronnie replies. “Ooh, I like you, Monkey Bottoms” says Lucifer, “This is what I need you to do” Chloe and Dan try and work out what is going on, and then Ronnie leaves Lux without meeting Dan. Chloe and Dan confront Lucifer and he tells them he hired the fixer to fix a problem, like they wanted. “Just sit tight and we’ll all get what we want” he tells them.

After hours in Lux, Lucifer comes down the stairs with Maze to see Ronnie and her captive, hooded and waiting for them. “Payment on delivery” she says, “I’d like to examine the goods first” replies Lucifer. Maze rips off the mask “The resemblance is uncanny” she says. It’s not. “How can anyone think that you were me?”. The imposter tells them he’s Lucifer Morningstar and they don’t know who they’re messing with. Lucifer lists his latest doings, started a modelling agency, pitched a web series and been busy with the ladies. “Unfortunately, it seems you’re a bit of a two pump chump, and a crier afterwards.” Lucifer and Maze discuss punishment, he suggests impalement, but Maze isn’t in a rush and starts to flick him with her dish towel and suggests the rack. “I just wanted to get chicks and free drinks” he says “My name is Justin, I’m from Sherman Oaks.” Maze cracks up again.

“How dare you abscond my name” roars Lucifer “I’m not going to hurt you Justin, I’m going to destroy you”. “This is so hot” says Maze, “It’s like you’re punishing yourself”. This pulls Lucifer up short, “Seems I could be over-reacting just a bit. Go. Go on!” There goes Maze’s lady boner. “Pleasure doing business with you, Ronnie” Lucifer says as he pays her, “That’s why I have to apologise for my friends.” Chloe and Dan enter the bar, and arrest her for kidnapping and assault. Ronnie tells them to call her lawyer, and Chloe says she will and she’ll also tell her about the attempted murder of Deborah, and the murder of Allie Thornton. Ronnie denies any involvement, and lays the blame on Deborah. Ronnie knew Allie and only wanted to protect her. This was her first time working for Ronnie, she had been hired to get some leverage to blackmail Ty, by his agent Joe. Joe also told Ronnie that Deborah killed Allie. Chloe thinks Joe is the actual killer but she doesn’t have any proof. They try and work out why Joe would try and make Deborah a suspect, “Maybe he knew she went to Ty’s party” says Chloe.

At the agent’s office, Joe is giving Ty and some other agents a spiel about how they protected him from the police, from the press and they will always protect him and make him a bigger star than ever. “This is Ty Huntley re-branded” says Joe. Chloe and Lucifer arrive to take Ty back to the station, and more than likely in front of a few reporters. “What about Deborah?” asks Joe, “She’s the crazy one!” Chloe tells him that Deborah was home with a friend the night of the party, and there’s no evidence to place her at the scene. They go to lead Ty out when Joe bursts out “I saw Deborah there. I went by the party, but I never went inside.” Chloe tells him that he has just given them the evidence they need, Ronnie has made a sworn statement that he hired her to blackmail Ty, and they just needed to place him at the scene.

Turns out Ty took a meeting with another agency and Joe decided to get some leverage to make him stay. Allie had a change of heart and wouldn’t give him the video, she thought Ty was a good guy and couldn’t go through with it. When she wouldn’t hand over her phone he lost control and strangled her. “Forget this I’m out of here” he says and goes to leave. Lucifer throws out his arm and pushes him through a glass wall into the next office. “Did I squeeze too hard” asks Lucifer. Still angry he keeps moving towards Joe, and Chloe in shock, tries to stop him. He looks at her, and realises what he is doing and takes a step back. “Your turn, Detective.”

Ty thanks Lucifer, and Lucifer tells hem he now owes him a favour (uh oh). Deborah comes running through the crowd and they embrace, seemingly getting back together, again. “Warms the cockles doesn’t it?” says Lucifer to Chloe.

Lucifer and Linda are in bed and he tells her about how he decided not to punish himself, his fake self that is. “You were right, I was displacing my anger and frustration on Luci-phony because the wrong person was being punished for Allie’s death. She tells him she thinks he has come to Los Angeles to re-invent himself. “Why would I want to mess with perfection?” he smirks. She also says that he is starting to not just like dealing out punishment to the bad guys, he is also starting to enjoy seeking justice for the good ones. “Another reason to hate LA, all the self indulgent therapy, you should be ashamed” says Lucifer. “You’re displacing again” says Linda. “No, I’m not” says Lucifer as he goes to leave. “And that’s denial” replies Linda. Lucifer pokes his head back through the door “That’s a river in Africa”.

We finish up with Chloe reviewing the tape of Lucifer pushing Joe through the window, a look of horror on her face.