Lucifer S1:E9 A Priest Walks Into A Bar Recap starts now!
After a raging party at his apartment which included making a pizza delivery boy’s porno dream come true, Lucifer has gone to see Linda for a therapy session. After promising to join pizza boy and the three Britney’s in the jacuzzi, he didn’t go, and he’s worried about why. Linda suggests that all the excessive partying is just filling a void, that he sounds lonely. Lucifer protests that he is never alone, and Linda attempts to explain the difference between being alone and real loneliness. She asks if he considers any of these people friends, people that he respects as peers. He and Maze are on the outs, so what about Chloe? Lucifer replies “I’m not sure what we are.”
Later at Lux, Lucifer gets a visitor asking for a favour. It’s a priest, Father Frank Lawrence. Lucifer has heard this joke before, but not seen it in the flesh. Father Frank says that he’s been told that Lucifer is the one to come and see when you have no other options left. Lucifer asks what he needs help with, pinched too much from the collection basket? Father Frank tells him about a local youth centre that is being used as a front for a drug operation. A counselor, Mr. Arietta, is recruiting young boys to move product for him, and Frank is concerned about one boy in particular, an orphaned boy named Connor.
Lucifer is not surprised to hear that this involves young boys, and asks if this boy is the one Frank is diddling. Frank doesn’t dignify that with a response, and asks Lucifer to go and have a word with the counselor, he can’t get the police to help. Lucifer asks why he just doesn’t ask the big boss for help, and Frank thinks that he has helped by leading him to Lucifer. Lucifer tells him that they are sworn enemies and to handle it himself.
Lucifer recruits Chloe to check out the youth centre, not to investigate the drug ring, but to investigate Father Frank. They get to Mr. Arietta’s room but find the door locked, and Lucifer doesn’t blame him for wanting to lock himself away from those awful children. Chloe notices that the classroom is in disarray and kicks the door in, and find Arietta dead on the floor. Lucifer says “Told you the priest was up to something!”
The time of death is 11:30 am that morning and there is little else in the way of evidence, apart from a voice modulator found near the body. Lucifer is impressed that the priest handled it himself. They interview Eric Doyle, the head counselor, and he tells them that Father Frank is always here arguing with Arietta, in fact he was there that morning. Eric himself was in a counseling session with Connor and Nikki, the same Connor that Father Frank has been concerned about. They question Nikki and Connor, and they don’t know anything about this drug ring. Connor tells them that Father Frank is a good guy just looking out for him, just a little annoying. But they did see him at the centre this morning, and he looked pissed.
They go back to the LAPD and check Father Frank out, he has a long criminal history, but nothing in the last ten years. Apart from the restraining order that Lenny Arietta took out against him the week before. Chloe asks Lucifer if he’s feeling like going to church, and Lucifer replies that bringing down a priest is the only reason he ever would. Chloe tells him that they are bringing him in, not down, and Lucifer agrees that yes, they will bring him in. And then bring him down.
Chloe has a quick word with Dan about talking about their kiss, and they agree to have dinner at Chloe’s later and have a chat. After she leaves, Malcolm arrives and tells Dan that he’s requested that they be partners, after the very tragic suicide of Malcolm’s old partner. If Dan doesn’t want to go to jail he’ll be partners with Malcolm, and he’ll get an item out of evidence for him too. Who will protect Chloe and Trixie if he’s gone?
Lucifer and Chloe arrive at the church and Chloe tells him to wait up the back and stay out of trouble. Oh, like Lucifer could find any trouble to get in to in a church. Hang on, what’s that? An attractive brunette heading into confession? Well, well. Lucifer encourages her to give in to her feelings of temptation she is having for her husband’s limo driver. After all, isn’t that how this works? Give in to your desires and sin, come to confession and be absolved? Chloe busts him and Lucifer gives out her penance.
Malcolm meets up with Amenadiel, his very own grumpy guardian angel. Amenadiel brought Malcolm back from the dead, but it was for a price. And Malcolm has so far failed to live up to his end of the bargain. Malcolm asks why him, and Amenadiel explains that it’s not just that he’s a cop, it’s that after seeing a glimpse of hell, he knows that Malcolm will do anything to avoid going back there. Amenadiel tells him that patience is not one of his virtues, and disappears.
Chloe and Lucifer speak to Father Frank in the church and question him about Arietta. Frank tells them that they fought, and that he ended up giving him a right hook, then left. Lucifer tells him that he’s dead, and Frank is shocked. He might not have liked him, but he didn’t want him dead. It turns out that Frank was in confession that morning, with the same MILF that Lucifer just gave some life changing advice to. They ask him to come down and give a statement and on the way out, they are shot at in a drive by. the shots miss and Chloe manages to get a partial plate number.
Chloe asks Frank if he knows who would want to shoot at him, and he plays her a threatening message he received on his phone. A message spoken through the voice modulator they found at the scene. He thought it was just Arietta and wasn’t scared, but maybe it wasn’t him, maybe it was the Spider. Another drug dealer trying to muscle his way on to the drug scene, but he doesn’t know who it is. He also has another confession, Connor isn’t just in danger from becoming involved in the drug ring, he’s already dealing. Lucifer offers Frank a place to lay low: Lux.
There’s stripper nuns and raunchy music, all a game by Lucifer to see if Frank will crack. But he’s just chilling, having a drink and digging the tunes. Frank tells them that he grew up in places like this, and that no one is born a priest, he was once a rock and roll pianist. Not so dissimilar to Lucifer actually, always looking for the next good time.
Unfortunately a car accident he was in took the lives of his daughter, and Connor’s parents. His dad was in a band with Frank. Lucifer can’t believe that Frank decided to worship the being that took his daughter from him. Frank tells him that he felt that she was safe, and he found his faith in that moment. The church also led him back to Connor, and he believes God has a plan.
Lucifer wants to go back to the bit where Frank said they were similar, and Frank agrees that they’re not, he is probably a much better piano player. Cue piano duet. A damn funky one at that, and they bond over their love of music, much to Lucifer’s surprise. Chloe busts them having a bro moment and interrupts to tell Lucifer they have a lead on the Spider.
They head to a local skate park, and Chloe ribs Lucifer about making friends with Frank. Lucifer denies it, and Chloe tells him that sometimes we get along best with the people we’re most different from. They spot Nikki making a drug deal, and then witness her passing the money on to Connor. He spots them in the crowd and fires his gun into the air, dispersing the crowd and making his escape. Chloe is starting to think Connor might be the Spider, she’s just got traffic cam footage showing Connor driving the car that shot at them.
Frank doesn’t believe that Connor is the Spider, and heads out on to the balcony at Lux to get some air. Chloe goes to leave and Lucifer is not happy at being left to babysit the priest, she says “What? I babysit you all the time?” Lucifer heads out and asks Frank how he can have faith that Connor isn’t guilty. Frank replies that God has faith in him, in all of them, why doesn’t Lucifer believe that? Lucifer replies “Because he didn’t have faith in me.” Frank gets a call from a parishioner and heads off to take the call.
Detective McDouche lives up to his name once more, and delivers a gun he took out of evidence to Malcolm. He asks “Are we done?” And Malcolm tells him not by a long shot. At Lux, Father Frank has done a runner, and Maze overheard him talking to someone called Connor on the phone. Lucifer thinks that he still trying to protect Connor, and is offering him somewhere to hide. Sanctuary.
They get to Father Frank’s church and find Connor holding a gun on Frank. Connor is telling him he doesn’t need him, he doesn’t need anyone to protect or help him. Eric Doyle, the head counsellor is behind Connor and encourages him to pull the trigger. There’s our Spider. Eric tells Connor that he doesn’t trust him, and that he’ll need to prove himself by getting rid of the priest. Frank tells Connor that he knows he doesn’t want to hurt him, and that God has given him a second chance. Frank tells him he has faith in him, and Connor can’t do it. Eric can’t allow weakness and shoots at Connor. Frank throws himself in front and takes the bullet. Chloe shoots Eric and takes him down.
Lucifer runs for Frank and asks what the bloody hell he was thinking, “Don’t go anywhere, you moron. You’re not going anywhere, you’ve got more people to annoy!” Lucifer begs Frank to stay with him, and Frank tells him that God didn’t put Lucifer in his path, He put him in Lucifer’s. “Your father has a plan.” Lucifer realises that Frank knows who he is, but Frank is gone. Lucifer is devastated, but that quickly turns to anger, “Time to pull the legs off the Spider.”
He grabs Eric by the throat and launches him into the wall, showing his unbelievable strength. Lucifer squeezes, and Chloe tells him to stop, that Father Frank wouldn’t want this. He drops him, and watches Connor grieve over Father Frank’s body.
Back at Lux, Lucifer takes to the balcony and rails against dear old Dad. He blasts him for his manipulative games, and is furious that Frank didn’t deserve that kind of punishment. “Doesn’t matter if you’re a sinner. Doesn’t matter if you’re a saint. No one can win, so what’s the bloody point?”
Chloe and Dan have their dinner but neither is in the mood to talk, their minds elsewhere. They agree to take a rain check and Chloe heads for Lucifer. He’s at his apartment on the piano, playing Knocking on Heaven’s Door. She takes a seat beside him and tells him that she’s here for him. Lucifer starts to get excited, then she tells him she’s here as a friend. After swallowing that slightly bitter pill, he asks her to play with him. The piano, you pervs. She tells him she had three years of piano lessons but can only remember one song. Ding, ding, ding, and it’s the one song almost everyone knows on the piano, Heart and Soul. Dead set, that’s the only thing I can play too.
Malcolm is feeding his face in a diner, not remembering food ever tasting food this good before he died. Amenadiel appears beside him, is totally offended by the offer of waffles, and asks him if he has done as he asked. Malcolm shows him the untraceable gun and asks who he wants him to kill. Amenadiel answers “His name is Lucifer Morningstar.” Naughty Amenadiel! Are you testing Lucifer, or trying to kill him for reals??