After a long hiatus, I’m back with Below Deck Down Under, cue cheering noises *aaaaaaaahhhhhwooooooo* for your reading pleasure! Let’s get right into it in my recap of Below Deck Down Under S1:E01 Unchained and Untamed!
It’s been a minute and a half since I recapped the last episode of Below Deck Down Under; in fact it had been so long that I had to go back and re-read the first Below Deck Down Under S1:E01 G’Day Mate so I could get people straight in my head. Basically we’re about to run aground, yeah?
Low tide in the marina has resulted in less than a meter of clearance for the hull of superyacht Thalassa; Captain Jason Chambers goes for it as his impatient charter guests cheer. Five meters to the rocks to the left, just over a half a meter to the rocks on the bottom and we clear! Wooooo! Good job Captain Jason and great calling bosun is Jamie Sayed!
The guests are currently enjoying a toga party; Primary Charter Guest Charlie Gambino and guest Nicki Maroney and friends drink wine poured by stewards Magda Ziomek and Tumi Mhlongo while deckhands Brittini Burton and Culver Bradbury stow fenders and talk shit about how close that was. Deckhand Benny Crawley brings up the rear in the tender.
The guests are all about making TikToks; our awesome chief steward Aesha Scott hopes they enjoy all those incredibly expensive likes!
Obnoxious chef Ryan McKeown cleans his galley as the deck crew finishes securing the various bits and bobs of extra boats and things; all in the dark at anchor.
So of course we knew Aesha Scott from previous Below Deck franchises, but she was always the second steward and now she’s the boss, b*(&%s! She wants to be a different kind of leader so checks with Magda to make sure she’s good to take care of the guests solo in the morning for the first bit.
I feel foreshadowing.
The sun rises in Whitehaven, Australia with hungry guests and deckhands dropping ships and jetskis into the water with Captain Jason’s help.
I don’t really get why they stick all the boats and things up on deck so they have to be craned down every day but I’ve managed exactly zero superyachts so as you were.
Deckhand Brittini has had to explain her name her whole life and today is no exception. It’s like “Brittany and martini combined”; I did not get that at all. I’ve probably been spelling it wrong this whole time! Brb.
Omigosh I didn’t even mess that up, high-five Brittini as someone with a tricky name!
Ryan isn’t doing an a la carte menu for breakfast; he’s serving one thing and that’s it and by that I mean he’s sitting with his feet up in the kitchen while guests want food.
“Just relax. I’ll decide what you’re going to have and you’ll love it” is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard a junior chef say and I’ve recapped 400 seasons of the Below Deck incarnations.
I mean, Eggs Benedict with Canadian bacon isn’t exactly revolutionary but the guests seem to like it okay?
The guests go snorkeling on Whitsundays; it’s this huge reef filled with beautiful fish, gorgeous coral and things that probably want to touch you. I can see why the guests wanted to leave dock so badly.
Tumi sets the table and tells us about her life; she wants to be an interior decorator which has set her apart from the rest of her family. They’re all doctors and lawyers, no other artists like her. I mean, it is a very fancy table.
Ryan has made a very basic lunch for this group; BBQ ribs, burgers and etc is. I’ve just realised!! He’s your basic line cook, who are awesome, no tea no shade, and bluffed his way into this fancy job!! He’s Denny’s on a yacht!
The guests head straight to the hot tub and order espresso martinis after snorkeling; Aesha is busy with making drinks and doesn’t hear Ryan calling over and over that lunch is ready.
Literally nobody is seated at the table, which Captain Jason is going to note as he brings up the lunch. Ryan isn’t waiting for Aesha’s communication, he’s just sending food up when he wants because: it’s ready.
I’m just going to call him Denny. RyanDenny.
Aesha is super confused; why is he plating food when he hasn’t got the call that guests are at the table?
I mean, it’s burgers and ribs, he can’t hold on to that stuff?
AND HOW IS HE SERVING BURGERS AND RIBS ON A SUPERYACHT? Plated family style! Not even actually PLATED??
I think of chef Marcos Spaziani and I weep for these guests.
RyanDenny thinks the disconnect happened when Aesha let the guest get in the hot tub. “Let” guests paying six figures for a two-nighter decide what they were going to do with their time. Aesha thinks RyanDenny has ‘small-d&&* energy.”
The guests like the food, anyway?
The deck crew spends quite a while putting the anchor away; deckhand Benny ‘flaked’ the anchor the wrong way, resulting in a tangle which had to be fixed. Not a huge deal, just a delay and at the end, Benny calls Brittini in to look at it fixed…as though she had made the error and needed to learn. What.
Culver does sit-ups and push-ups in his room; Brittini calls Benny up on deck to discuss him not talking to her as though she was his underling. He points out all his qualifications; saying he can see she doesn’t know what she’s doing and that’s why he’s helping her.
She counters that she is exactly equal, how about if she wants some help, she’ll ask? They hug it out and agree to do just that.
Awwww, Aesha has a boyfriend! She’s been dating Scott From Highschool for a year and a half; she lights up when talking about him awwwww.
Captain Jason joins the charter guests for dinner, he’s about to enjoy beertacos because RyanDenny has a very particular skillset.
At least it’s actually plated and served synchronized?
The guests love the food, yay!
Tacos.
HE USED CANNED WHIPPED CREAM IN THE DESSERT.
Marcos wept.
Captain Jason has a new name, thanks to the guests: Captain Cutie and they’re not wrong. Jamie flirted a bit with Magda earlier, I think it’s reciprocated when she groans over his abs later but then she calls her boyfriend to talk about how hot he is.
The deck crew are in the crew mess talking about how hot she is, I just. Maybe it’s the lighting, I’m not getting it. She’s quite a lovely person.
Benny is not happy to be sent below to flake the anchor chain again; screaming aloud over and over how dangerous it is. I don’t think…they want him to hug the chain, it just takes poking it with the stick, right?
Why is he…screaming so much?
Somehow he cuts his bare foot; he’s switched out for Culver who has no issue at all.
The guests sit around in robes with cigars for pictures, then pack up and leave a huge tip! We hope! I’m going to guess a solid $15,000 because that’s what you pay at Denny’s, right? 15%?
It’s a huge envelope but I can’t believe they call RyanDenny a ‘goddamn rock star.”
Our first tip meeting!! I already guessed; so it’s time for the moment of truth: $
Okay fine, first we talk about all the problems on this charter; room to grow!
The tip is: $16,230 $1352 each and I was close, right?!
Tumi plans to spend hers on botox because she’s in her early 20s.
I am now super nervous every time they even touch that anchor! They pull it without asking me and head back to dock where a large trail of muddy water follows in their wake as they smoothly tie up in the tricky marina.
Tumi and Magda ask Captain Jason what his star sign in; Magda grabbing.her.breasts in front of him and moaning ‘Libras are naughty too’ gave me so many icks. All the icks. She then buffs the crotch of her skort with a towel because I have no idea what is happening right now.
The crew gets all fancy for their first night out together, most by doing their hair and makeup and some by shining up their disco ball. Captain Jason, why are you polishing that disco ball?
Ohhhhhh it’s the charter award for one employee! It’s not a good thing, it’s a derogative award and that wasn’t a disco ball, it’s a disco ball helmet and Benny gets to wear it all night!
Benny just spent an hour doing his hair!
Benny does not wear the helmet, which greatly dismays Culver who comes from America. He’s used to playing on teams, that’s part of team building, these are traditions! It’s an honour! They should totally show us some more pictures of him in his football gear.
It’s like he missed the fact that it’s a You Fucked Up trophy.
Benny hasn’t drunk alcohol for a year; both of his parents recently died within six months of each other and that was a very good call re: drinking if that’s an issue.
Captain Jason shows up to supper; where’s the helmet? He calls it the Australian tradition of ‘treat them mean, keep then keen” which we could just shorten to ‘toxic masculinity’ and be done with it.
Oh if only we were.
Captain Jason takes off immediately after supper; Benny thanks Jamie for his patience and Jamie asks for his respect. He would like Benny to listen to him, but Benny’s ‘I don’t listen to anyone’ means this will not be an easy relationship.
And that’s it, we’re done!
