Below Deck Med S4:E14 Nauti Girls Need Love Too Recap

We're back asea with our latest group of billionaire guests on Below Deck Mediterranean, how are the ladies faring? Are they still You Go Girl-ing? Will our new / old chef figure out the temperature problems in the galley? All these questions to be answered and more on Below Deck Med S4:E14 after the break! Like, maybe.

Chef Ben Robinson is having the same problems his predecessor Anastasia Surmava had; the burners on the stove only work intermittently and food is coming up cold to the guests. He calls it impossible and vows to move on. After sticking his finger in the food and then in his mouth.

Upstairs, the guests are nicely soused post-supper and in the mood to appreciate the fineness that is deckhand Colin Macy O'Toole. That's exactly what he needed, a little pick me up!

Anastasia and second stew Aesha Scott work on cleaning the cabins while Anastasia brags to us in interview about how easy this job is. SO EASY. I feel as though that will come back to bite her in the bum, especially since she already did something incredibly stupid, washing a guests' clothes instead of steaming.

Poor lead deckhand Travis Michazik is still mourning the loss of his roommate and friend deckhand Jack Stirrup, who had to move in with his girlfriend Aesha to accommodate Ben's arrival. He's taking this pretty hard, yo! Jack, take Mopes out for beers or something, he's losing his mind!

Hannah and Travis bring out dessert for the horny guests (chanting "penises! penises! yummy!), Canadian guest Natalie still has her eye on Travis. She thinks he knows how hot he is, but really, he's trying to deal with the loss of a great friendship, NATALIE! Back off!! Boys have feelings too!!

The guests haaaaaate the flourless chocolate cake, it tastes horrible. That is definitely a first. Anastasia's already been crowing in the kitchen about Ben's cold food, she's going to LOVE this. That's was a little twat-ty.

Ben and Aesha taste the cake, which is amazing, so mebbe the ladies are just too loaded. They're now at the Belligerent Stage of drunk, which involves talking about who f***ed whose husband.

One guest, Lisa, heads off on her own to the deck, where she does sexy yoga for Jack and Aesha. That's pretty damn impressive for a drunk lady over 50! You could bounce quarters off that bum!

Three of the ladies swarm Jack in the bridge where he's on anchor watch while Natalie's tracked down Travis to the galley. Aesha is starting to get annoyed at the women literally stroking her fella.

Captain Sandy Yawn saves Jack from the cougar mauling just as they're pulling out his manbun, no molesting the crew! The herd of horny housewives heads to the salon where Lisa shows off her cooter (they had to blank out part of her thong) and other shenanigans ensue. Like one guest who pees her pants and just.keeps.going until everyone else calls it and she's left alone wistfully singing a sea shanty hoping that Captain Sandy is horny.

I seriously wish I had made any of that up. Any.

Aesha and Jack make up, she was jealous! And she never gets jealous, so that means she really likes him. They're such a cute couple, I like them both so much, I hope it works out for them. They're just lovely people!

She crawls into bed with him at 2:25 am after doing the cleanup by herself, Hannah must be blessing herself for the crew she's got this season.

It's 8 am the next morning and while the deck crew is up, the interior staff is nowhere to be seen. Captain Sandy is not happy. She rouses Anastasia and Hannah, who's pissed she's lost her perfect third stew. Anastasia is clearly coasting, but she more than overpaid the last few charters, so give her a break!

By the way, Ana was supposed to be up two and a half hours before. That's significant. AND she calls it a 6:30 call, but she thinks she's so fast that she doesn't get up until 7.

It's 8:35.

None of us are impressed with Anastasia's misplaced cockiness. Ben didn't know what time they were supposed to be up or he would have banged on her door, which is nice and almost what I would enjoy with him.

The guests get up as Jack entertains the deck crew with tales on him and Aesha living together. (For the record, they totally haven't had sex or anything yet, but here we are). This crew is so funny! I hope you're all watching and not just reading my fabulous *ahem* recaps!

Ben sends up a metric tonne of food to the hungry guests, down in the toy locker Travis and Jack re-bond as Travis bemoans his empty life devoid of anything but drink. Then the guests show up and knock Jack over.

Anastasia is still bragging about how fast she does shit and not taking responsibility for being TWO AND A HALF HOURS late, I'm not really digging her right now. Oh whatever, I'm sure I've been that cocky arsehole refusing to admit I did something wrong and bragging about my awesomeness instead.

The guests sunbathe, drink and order cheeseburgers and nachos. Other guests are asking for the slide and absolutely everyone wants alcohol so the crews are kept hopping.

I know Anastasia messed up by washing that one outfit, but these Primaries still better tip like crazy, they're getting extra plus service.

Ben made custom burgers using filet mignon and now the guests are out tubing and not eating so it's going to be cold. The wind is picking up, so the slide has to be brought in and some people are not going to be happy. Hannah finally takes the burgers for the guests, which you know will be cold.

Captain Sandy is one of them, the yacht is dragging anchor so she calls the deck crew to bring in all the toys so she can set another anchor.

Bosun João Franco is hustling as fast as he can, but not fast enough for Captain Sandy. Everyone is rushing, that's when accidents happen and one indeed clocks Colin's foot. Or something, I can't tell what he thinks he broke but he screamed a lot.

Okay, it's his wrist and he's going to have to go to the hospital. João worries that he's going to lose his Colin, he almost did last episode but Captain Sandy sorted him out.

The guests relax on deck, they've asked Captain Sandy to join them for supper, Ben's nervous but so adorable.

Ah Colin's okay!

The deck crew is so cute and funny together, I love their awesome chemistry! Such a nice change from all the bullshit previous seasons where there was infighting.

The guests dress for dinner and reassure each other of how gorgeous they are (they totally are) while Hannah contemplates the changed nature of Ben's personality. He's still volatile, but not cocky. Captain Sandy has his back.

Everyone works their ass off while the guests jump on Captain Sandy, fighting over each other to talk to her.

The guests are not happy with serving themselves, Ben decided against plating the food because the guests kept not eating entire tiny plates of food.

Ben is called to the table to explain that to the guests, he's so worried that he gets lost on the way hahaha. They give him all the cheers and kudos instead of the arsewhupping he's fearing.

Colin calls his awesome mom to tell her about his wrist, he has the best parents ever. EVER! They're so supportive.

Two guests get into a fight over Sandy's attention while everyone listens, smirking. One is Samantha! The other is more angry and they keep at it for ages.

Everyone else heads up to watch people knock golfballs off the deck with Travis with the big hands.

Bedtime! Wow. I just saw an insane amount of underboob on night vision, what's going on, Bravo?? Is this the new normal? First, Jack's bum, then most of Hannah's rack, sup?

Jack gets tapped by João to drive the boat out, he's so excited! Captain Sandy guides him and they're asea! And unfortunately close to a huge weird Russian boat, possibly full of Russian hookers, according to our ladies.

Travis does up a little note for the gorgeous Canadian Natalie, we're all kind of awesome, right? Just some of us have more freckles than other.

The deck crew does a perfect docking, time for goodbye lineup! Natalie is first in line and receives Travis's note with a thank you, do you think she'll call? They're not allowed to hook up on the boat, maybe after...?

Ten bucks says that goes right in the trash, I get the feeling these ladies see young men as fun to tease when they're drunk and horny but forgotten almost immediately. I could be mistaken, prove me wrong, Canadian Natalie!

How did João not get mauled?? He's so cute!

Show us the tip!!!! Show us the TIIIIPPPP!!!

Tip time, a short talk about everyone knocking it out of the park and it is: 13000 Euros, which is $1250 each. Huh. I mean, it's not bad?

Hannah is called to the bridge by Captain Sandy, she wants better table settings.

Travis is ready to get turnt woooooo! Hannah is NOT spending another night babysitting him, though, so maybe the new guy will be all over it!

The yachties get ready for a night out, Aesha and Hannah are just GORGEOUS. Jack's naked bum isn't bad either ;).

They're off to The View, where Hannah orders Belvedere and Red Bull and Travis starts drinking. And drinking. He hates how Hannah talks to him like he's an arsehole when he's drinking like an arsehole. Everyone watches him pounding everything in sight, Ben has an adorable sweater tied over his shirt awwww.

Travis gets to the falling on the dance floor stage, followed shortly by the smashing glasses, even Ben's had enough. He escorts Travis outside to pour him into a cab. And we're out! Cheers, mate

Join us! One of us! One of us!
error