Below Deck Down Under S1:E04 The Pirate’s Booty Recap

We're mid-charter on Below Deck Down Under; are we all the way through a certain deckhand's time aboard the Thalassa? I guess we'll find out after the break in my recap of Below Deck Down Under S1:E04 The Pirate's Booty!

We ended last episode with deckhand Benny Culver trying to quit in the middle of the night but Captain Jason Chambers tells him to relax, mate, help him clean up the overflowing toilet in his room.

Captain Jason used to be a plumber; he gets everything sorted relatively quickly and I think Benny is staying? Omigosh I cannot listen to Benny blame absolutely everything he does on the loss of his parents. It's absolutely fecking terrible, what he has gone through, but if he is that emotionally unstable still he needs to be somewhere he can take care of it.

Captain Jason is trying but he's literally only 5 years older than Benny, how's that going to work?

The rest of the night passed without incident; third steward Magda Ziomek is up early to serve the early-rising guests along with deckhands Benny, Culver Bradley and Brittini Burton. Bosun Jamie Sayed sets out the day for his crew; one deckhand will bring the guests to town in the rib for shopping and then there's a beach BBQ.

I haven't seen Primary Charter Guests Randall Waller and Suzie Waller yet but there is someone named Graeme whose last name I haven't seen yet.

Primary Suzie makes it into the galley to see what chef Ryan McKeown is cooking; nothing's going to fit her by the end of this trip!

Captain Jason doesn't just micromanage the deck crew, he also likes to direct even the laundry. He calls Magda into the laundry room to tell her to get rolling; this prompts her to tell her boyfriend she can't talk all the time at least.

By the way, Ryan thinks he and Magda have 'chemistry'. He would be open to hooking up with her and I'm sure she'll jump right on that, and you, Ryan.

Four foot gremlin with grey skin, red-rimmed eyes and a bad attitude serving store-bought bagels with pre-sliced smoked salmon and lox.

Aesha and I do not understand why Ryan thinks 'good enough' is good enough for a luxury superyacht experience down under. Primary Suzie asks for scrambled eggs like she's four with shoulder action and a simpering smile; Ryan allows it. Ryan brings out the wettest scrambles eggs I've seen while Primary Suzie, one of the people paying six figures for this two day trip, apologizes for springing that on him.

Ryan thinks if he can set the paradigm that his timing is more important than the guest timing, he can do whatever he wants.I do understand that chefs need time to do do thing properly, but when you've got a Primary Charter Guest begging and apologizing for a plate of wet scrambled eggs, we're right off the rails.

The guests ask Aesha's about some laundry they wanted done; she finds a huge mess in the laundry room and nominates Tumi to get it cleaned up. Tumi doesn't mind helping Magda, who is indeed very lucky she has the support she does so far.

Half the deck crew sets out to get the beach BBQ ready; I am so confused by Ryan's choice for lunch here. He's been making grilled food every day, now that he's on a beach with grilling he's going to make tacos??

I know, it seems like I'm picking at him, I'll calm it down.

The other half of the deck crew heads out with the guests to go reef snorkeling; self-appointed entertainment director hypes it haaaaard. He's not wrong, though, guests do want an experience and these guys are so easygoing and up for a laugh that they're all over it.

Even with Culver's atrocious Australian accent. He's 100% pure cornfed Midwest US.

Captain Jason sees Brittini and Benny standing around bored; he finds things for them to do while trashing Jamie, who's out with the guests snorkeling.

You know, Jamie who Captain Jason completely supplanted as deck crew manager just that morning. Captain Jason keeps telling them to do something, Jamie keeps putting them on standby, it's difficult to know what to do. This is the peril of having two new managers.

Suffice to say that nobody is avoiding work as hard as Magda except maybe Ryan who can't be bothered to check preference sheets himself as far as platters for the guests for snackies.

Ryan thinks his health is more important than making food for the guests. He has a little nap in the crew mess while Aesha and her team serve the guests.

Magda is assigned to serve the guests; she ends up showing them traditional Polish dancing which is really cute.

Ryan forgot his brisket on Thalassa, otherwise known as the main part of his 'shit dinner' as says Aesha.

Jamie and Culver make the trip back to the ship to save dinner while the guests post up on the beach.

Oh wow. Darren has quite a banana in the old hanger, this here isn't a family show izzit? Good!

Then all the ladies have their bums out.

Tumi works on the tackiest party ever; she calls it table-scaping and it's certainly something. Even though it's plastic and terrible, decorating is her happy place and she gets to do it for work!

Back on the beach, Ryan's tacos are done and Captain Jason is doing most of the load-out while Jamie and Culver watch and giggle about how he's like an extra deckhand. I mean, Captain Jason, if you're not going to let someone lead and you insist on doing everything yourself, this is what happens. Complaining that they don't jump in may be misplaced.

The guests and crew dress for the pirate-themed party, Aesha is ecstatic with Tumi's work. This is Aesha's first time as a chief steward and Tumi as second is a fantastic complement to Aesha's skillset. Also her attitude, she's awesome.

Guest Jennifer Roberts doesn't have a pirate costume; she's in a gold bikini because she's the pirate's booty! She explains this to Captain Jason who tells us he prefers brunettes, and natural ones at that.

He doesn't have much personality, does he?

Woooooo Culver is all in dressing up as pirate, he loves a good mullet wig. He does a whole intro and gives Jen a lapdance, he's amazing!

And then he gives the guests mullet wigs and climbs into the hot tub with them.

He can't do that!! Tumi is shocked and would really like to go to bed, CULVER!

She's sent to get more champagne as he cuddles with the guests in his underwear. It's almost 3:30 am before she gets to bed.

I think Culver maybe has a problem with boundaries and understanding which side of lines he's on.

The next morning it's time to pull anchor and flake that line again; Benny begs off the most dangerous job ever and Brittini is sent to do it. Benny cannot take any constructive criticism at all, even in interview he defends his decision by saying 'I lost my f&&&& parents died last year, I don't give a f**& what Jamie thinks' and you can see how that would start to lose potency after a time.

The guests get up early for breakfast, you know I'm a fan of early risers wooooo! Brittini rats out Culver to Jamie as soon as she sees Jamie; he's fine with it. That's part of entertaining the guests, woooo!

Ryan touches guest Jen's shoulder saying 'you still got my sausage on your plate?' while I make barfing noises in the kitchen.

However flirty Jen has been, she deserves the respect you would give any charter guest.

Ryan and Aesha have an uncomfortable conversation about timing and expectations; I've lost count of how many times I've seen Ryan just sitting around on his island or on a chair with his legs up on something.

Time to end our second charter! Culver is woken up to help dock and Captain Jason yells at Brittini for filling up fenders as they're docking. It's a relatively good docking, then everyone is in dress whites and we're saying goodbye to our awesomely wild charter guests.

Show us the tiiiiiiiip!! Imma guess $17,500 Australian dollars! Oooh it's $22,000 Aussie dollars and $16,920 USD!

Captain Jason reminds everyone to tighten up, calling out each department individually then the whole deck crew to meet on deck after the group meeting.

Captain Jason lays down the law - pick yourselves up, train more, Jamie: run your team.

And with that, we're done for today! Cheers and until next time!