Below Deck Mediterranean S7:E03 A Whole Yacht of Scandal Recap

Well well well, it looks like we're right in the middle of some drama on Below Deck Med *gasp* except I think these are actual people with complicated lives so Imma try to keep an open mind. Rolling in to my recap of Below Deck Mediterranean S7:E03 A Whole Yacht of Scandal after the break!

So the whole yacht of scandal we're kneedeep in is the hooking up of chief steward Natasha Webb with her roomie chef David White, while she was still technically in her last relationship.

The interwebs LOVES to shittalk people who cheat; I can hear it all right now but let me tell you what you will not hear: me doing the same here. Natasha was in a relationship that didn't meet her needs, clearly, so she ended that one and started another with a small overlap in dates. Nobody was married, nobody was sharing custody of small animals, it's done, it's over and now maybe she and David can move on and be happy.

David was totally not supposed to tell anyone that happened, though. When Natasha hears from her second steward Natayla Scudder that David is talking about how much he wants to be with her, she freezes. It's just a matter of time until he reveals the secret he told us five minutes and two promos ago.

I think it's gross how much Bravo pounces on that for promotion, isn't it? I get that they're in the entertainment business and loads of peeps are super duper invested in the personal drama of others, but it feels dirty, dunnit?

I mean, it's the nature of the beast for reality television and it would be hypocritical to start pointing fingers at the promotion of random personal drama but still.

Natasha and David talk about how they got together (first while drinking) and that Natasha's relationship was in a bad place (he'd cheated previously) and they did plan to wait a week and couple up but Big Mouth there couldn't wait a whole week so here we are.

Shots shots shots at the table, who's going to get inappropriate tonight?? Natasha! She's super unhappy with David so starts literally draping herself all over deckhand Jason Gaskell. He's very happy for the attention, although I am completely confused by her telling him to open up then making two sexual gestures for mouth love. Erm.

Everyone dances and has a great time except David, sitting alone at the table asking Natasha why she's so far away from him. That doesn't help bring her closer, it seems, so he follows her to the bar to ask again why she's not looking at him.

Bosun Raygan Tyler is at the extremely intoxicated Dancing By Herself stage while Natayla is at the Dancing For Attention From a Specific Boy stage. She quite likes deckhand Storm Smith which is for sure a name and not made up at all. He's been best friends with our lovely deckhand Mzi 'Zee' Dempers since they were teenagers, though, surely Mzi would have mentioned a name change.

Even though Natasha flirted with Jason, and hard, he's not any more fooled than anyone else. On the taxi ride back to the boat he asks if she and David had a fight while Natasha tries really hard to pretend she doesn't understand what he's saying. Even when he tells her straight out that maybe she and David should just '&&*&' and get it over with because it's exhausting.

Natasha: whaaaaat?

David does his best to pick a fight with Jason back on the boat, who won't do rise to the bait but ends up furious. David struggles with getting up into his bunk, Natasha sends him into a shower and heads to the guest master bedroom to sleep. David cries when realises she's left.

Aw you guys, I'm worried about David. He's so engaged right now and Natasha is just not.

He apologizes to Natasha first thing in the morning, I'm worried because he looks terrified. He's so afraid he's going to lose her.

I don't love that other second steward Kyle Viljoen rats out Raygan for being super schwasted to Captain Sandy Yawn; snitches get stitches, Kyle!

Storm calls Raygan over and over on the radio; no way Captain Sandy didn't hear that. Storm takes over leadingĀ  the deck crew as Raygan pukes and gets back in bed.

David apologizes to Jason for his behaviour the previous evening. 100% Jason will bitch about this later.

Captain Sandy calls her department leads to the crew mess for a pre-charter Preference Sheet Meeting, which I LOVE, but Captain Sandy does not love Raygan blaming her sickness on maybe food poisoning. Captain Sandy hates it when people lie to her, it has to especially chap her arse that it's so obviously untrue.

Anyway! Who's coming on our next charter?? Primary Charter Guest is Emily Butler, boy we've got a lot of real estate people this season, huh? Remember when it was all influencers?

Raygan cannot lead her team, she's too hungover, so Storm once again takes the lead.

David asks Natasha if they can talk; she tells her to come down to their room. As soon as he walks in, she starts the shower and 28 minutes later she walks out of the bathroom, leaving him showering solo.

I feel like such a creep and I'm not even there!

I'm glad they made up?

David seems kind of fragile. I can see why she would feel suffocated.

A very fast getting-ready montage later, the guests are here!! They look lovely and new-rich except for a very young looking guest named Noah. He's very loud and very drinky, what's the drinking age in Malta?

Captain Sandy says David is a chef on another level (above Chef Ben Robinson??) she feels very fortunate to have him on board.

Is Primary Emily also very young? Maybe? Is Noah her brother?

Captain Sandy and the deck crew de-dock smoothly; soon we're anchored in the middle of the ocean and dropping water toys in the water. Not the seabobs, because they're rechargeable and Jason didn't know that and wasn't told that so. Mzi and Storm do their best to keep things moving but Raygan is not much help.

Kyle has to tell someone he's gay and I call shenanigans.

Natayla is ridiculously happy in laundry; she's a major organizer and also my tiny Australian brunette twinsie. So, fraternal, obvs.

Where are deckhands Culver Bradbury and Brittini Burton? Omigosh I had to look it up, they're on Below Deck Down Under and that would do it! This is me doing two Below Deck franchises at the same time. I think I was looking for Dave and Tasha the last time I did BDDU also.

Captain Sandy finds Raygan floundering with not enough toys in the water; Raygan is really struggling with managing. Captain Sandy curtly tells Raygan to do her job; she doesn't want to be the bosun.

I don't know, Dave says he doesn't follow preference sheets and is serving octopus to everyone, even the seafood lovers.

Also: octopi are super smart and I'm not allowed to eat any because my mother would never forgive me.

Tasha/Natasha (we'll use that interchangeably) gives the team their service plan; is that something the other crews have done? She directs which way they'll walk and how plates will be placed. I love that!

Guests Noah and Tommy are completely shitfaced; barely upright sitting there waiting for an extremely intelligent creature to be served to them on a plate in a pile of green mush.

Captain Sandy is concerned; she read those same preference sheets as Dave ignored but she waits and sees what happens. Primary Emily says she hates octopus; we all hold our breath as she tries it. It's fine, she wouldn't order it but it's fine.

He gambled by ignoring the Primary Charter Guest's preference sheet??

Captain Sandy talks to Mzi about Raygan's management style; she's not demonstrating leadership. Captain is just hoping to make it through this whole charter.

Guest Tommy ends up lying on the deck before 10:00 pm.

Everyone is sooooooo tired, except guests Noah and Tommy who are on their eighth wind and 400th Coronas. Finally they go to bed and so does the crew.

Captain Sandy asks Raygan the next morning what she can do to support her; Raygan stumbles through an explanation of trying to suss out her crew's weaknesses but Captain Sandy tosses that right back. She needs to think about her OWN weaknesses, not her crew. Get that figured out stat. She has this charter to show that Captain Sandy can keep her in this position.

That's it for this week! Until next time, everyone, cheers!