Woooo we’re on our first night out on Below Deck Mediterranean after the longest first charter EVER, who’s ready to cut loose and not bring up previous kitchen fights with tequila in hand?? Not deseguys, they gotta fight, apparently, who’s mixing it up below deck? Find out in my recap of Below Deck Mediterranean S6:E04 Love At First Night after the break!
So we’re still in the middle of a fight between second steward Lexi Wilson and chef Mathew Shea when we open, one thing he said last time stuck with me. He said that it’s amazing how you end up in contact with the type of people you never would, Lexi took that personally but he said what we’re all thinking: she wouldn’t talk to HIM. Like ever. Unless it was to increase her tip.
I admire how mercenary Lexi is but it’s going to have the opposite effect she thinks it will.
Third steward Courtney Veale is very focused on making deckhand Mzi “Zee” Dempers birthday amazing; she’s calling him Daddy and sitting on his knee. He could not be happier.
I don’t know what deckhand Lloyd ‘Pornstache’ Spencer is doing here and I am just too old to care.
Bosun Malia White doesn’t get it either but we should really make a drinking game; every time someone says ‘vibe’ take a shot. You’re all going to be kneewalking 8 minutes in.
Pornstache’s real nickname is Goose for his dancing but…he kind of does look like Anthony Edwards in Top Gun! I would attach a picture but apparently I’m not allowed.
Courtney is drunk and tiny and twerking her junk every damn where. Party in the Master Cabin wooooo!
Wait. Is she shouting WAP WAP WAP and smacking her own arse?
Here’s the difference between chief steward Katie Flood and literally every other chief stew ever: she’s in there partying and not threatening to rat anyone out or get them fired for partying in the cabin.
Lexi has her Miss Bahamas shorts on; deckhand David Pascoe is doing everything he can to get into his boss Malia’s shorts, it’s a busy night.
He seems nice. I mean, they always do at first.
Zee and Courtney end up making out hardcore; maybe she was joking but he was 100% not wasting that opportunity. He was going.for.it. He meant it.
Lexi changes into athleisure and calls her mom over and over, David has to help her up on the floor. It’s not long before everyone heads to bed, I am so happy nobody fell down those stairs.
Mat…is kind of creepy, isn’t he? I know that’s not a technical term, but look at how shiny his eyes are.
Lexi ends up telling Malia about her dad’s death and suddenly Malia’s comforting her and there’s hugging and why are we crying?? This is Below Deck Med!!!
You know, dads aren’t always your biggest fans but I’m glad Lexi’s dad was hers.
It’s a very quiet hungover day the next morning, David’s still trying to figure out how he be helpful to Malia, but not toooooo helpful but not standoffish and it’s lovely to see it’s not just women overthinking for once.
Pornstache would just like his eyelashes to stop hurting his ears.
Zee maintains his happy birthday kiss glow, but although Courtney thinks she remembers the entire night she skipped over the kissing Zee part.
Aw he thinks it’s love at first sight, love at first night awwww.
Preference Sheet Meeting!! Woooooo! Oh, we’ve got a repeater coming on board! Y’all remember Roy Orbison Junior and his wife Asa? Oh yeah, they’ve got two little kids and he likes to talk about how important his dad was. Which is fair bones, his dad is a permanent part of modern music, right up there with Elvis for reals.
There’s friends from Sweden coming too, along with a gorgeous nanny Rebekah Abraham. Captain Sandy warns everyone: a short charter with returning guests means everything will be jam-packed and they better have their game faces on.
Suuuuper quiet and awkward in the laundry room with Zee and Courtney, hahaha aww.
Somehow we have another metric tonne of provisions to put away; how is that possible?? What else could they need?? Does Mat have a shopping problem? I work with a guy like that, I get at least one bill from Acklands Grainger every single day he’s on shift.
Lexi..I can’t get a grip on her attitude but her telling Mat what to do about receiving provisions makes me grind my teeth almost as much as it makes Mat do that. However, Mat, if you have to TELL someone you’re the boss more than once: you’re not.
All our hungover peeps work hard at washing the clean boat then it’s time to get into our dress whites already woooo! Guest arrival is imminent!
Katie told Lexi and Courtney she was planning to keep their schedule fluid, but Lexi is not excited to hear that Courtney will be on dinner service. Third stew doesn’t usually leave the laundry room, so good on Katie for giving Courtney a chance at some training.
Here come Roy Orbison Jr. and fam!
Katie takes the guests on a boat tour while I ponder Primary Roy’s pants.I mean, you could wear something boring like jean-coloured jeans but why would you?
Primary Roy is pounding the champagne already, I thought they were kinda chill. I should look up the last episode recap with them as guests…one sec…
Part one! Below Deck Med S5:E03 The Italian’s Job
Part two! Below Deck Med S5:E04 Ace of Stew Face
Poor clueless Zee is still struggling with the lines in de-docking, it’s worse because he feels bad about it. He wouldn’t if he was like that American kid, he’d just bring up his degree from Yale a bunch and argue that the lines did it wrong, not him.
Poor Courtney struggles with the portable cribs from the provisioner, I used to give classes on how to set these up. Short sharp jerks upwards, babes!
Wait. She’s been a nanny several times! She calls for help; guess who comes rushing to her aid? NO, GUESS. Okay, David comes along with Zee; whom Courtney calls a “real-life daddy’ after he fixes the crib. Yick. THOUGHT YOU DIDN’T REMEMBER. I guess that stuff started at dinner, though.
Pornstache wanders up to the Bridge to
suck up to Captain Sandy watch what’s happening at sea, okay Lloyd. Shouldn’t you have work to do on charter? I thought this was supposed to be jam-packed.
We’re anchored in the middle of the ocean and it’s time for Mat’s salad (??) lunch! For real, just salads and family style platters?
Mat is in a great mood, chopping away merrily as something catches fire behind him. I have no idea why this made every preview of tonight’s episode; if something’s not catching fire, are you really cooking? That’s not a thing. I’m not making a gif of that.
Hahahaha this is exactly how I am on slides:
Pornstache tells us about his dad and shows a video of his dance moves; I told you his family is cool af. I will say that the whole deck crew seems nice and chill, I hope it holds. We all know the current danger is in the galley and complaining about not being on dinner service.
Lexi isn’t letting go of anything Mat said, these two are two sides of No, You’re The Worst. Mat is in a great mood anyway, he’s making pizza for kids, what could be better?
Lexi is in her bunk on break (DON’T YOU KNOW SHE SHOULD BE ON DINNER SERVICE??) reworking her Burn List. Yes. A grown woman with a really long Burn List.
We’ve been hearing all about a band coming to the superyacht between 6 and 7, it’s completely anti-climactic when they do show. Primary Roy is shitfaced and everyone else looks bored and/or like they need a nap.
Lexi takes this opportunity to make yet another fuss, it’s awkward! People are staring at her! Love Production directing the camera crew to show that literally nobody is looking at her.
The concert is fine, ShitFacedRoy and family make it through then it’s time to dress for dinner. Mat tells us he has no formal training, huh. I wonder if that feeds his anxiety somewhat?
Lexi gets busted by David trash-talking Mat to.herself. Yes, out loud, not realising David was there saying ‘pardon?’
Second awkward talk between Zee and Courtney, boy, alcohol has a lot to answer for.
Oooh one of the guests, the nanny Rebekah, thinks David is cute and apparently he smells great! David hears from Malia someone has a crush on him and he ASKS IF IT’S HER.
Kudos for getting it out there, David, but like as if.
Dinner is another shitshow, Primary Roy is past shitfaced to the point where people are openly staring at him with disgust and his wife suggests politely that’s it’s time for bed. He snortlaughs and babbles some gobbtygook while his friends silently judge him on a trip he definitely paid for.
Okay then he pees all over the bathroom EXCEPT the toilet and I’m on Team Judgey.
Lexi is super pissed she is on turndowns instead of dinner service, I just wish she’d say something…Courtney’s open and silly attitude is a welcome relief from Lexi’s psychopathy.
The superyacht has to dock at night, this is much more difficult than usual and Zee has been worrying the whole day.
Not only are they trying to dock at night, they’ve got Primary Roy trying to jump over the side to go nightswimming as his wife shouts at him to go to bed NOW.
We have a problem with docking! We’ll have to find out next time because we’re done for this week!
Next time it looks like Mat quits, Lexi goes off and David gets naked. That’s a lot for one episode, innit? I guess we’ll find out! Cheers.