Below Deck Sailing Yacht S3:E15 Salty Seamen Recap

Hiya and welcome back to our penultimate charter on Below Deck Sailing Yacht! We’ve got a bunch of Canadians aboard and even more drama below board, who’s ready to dive right in? Rolling into my recap of Below Deck Sailing Yacht S3:E15 Salty Seamen after the break!

We’re on deck with chef Marco Spaziani trying to make sense of the recent loss of his best friend’s mom with First Mate Gary King who is lovely and supportive.

Marcos pulls it together in time to to make supper; the guests are expecting a seafood feast. Primary Charter Guest Lane Merrifield may be Canadian but he’s still going to expect…food as will his fiancee Amanda Bourke and all the other Canucks.

I can call them that because I are one.

Gary flirts with junior steward Scarlett Bentley in the galley, he likes her a lot. Just as he liked every other woman he’s met ever. Marcos goes to his room to cry as the guests saber open a bottle of champagne to celebrate their engagement.

Primary Lane invites Captain Glenn Shephard to join them for supper tomorrow; I think that’s the molecular gastronomy meal so we’ll see what Marcos comes up with.

The weather has been dogging them even before the charter started; deckhand Kelsie Golgia and junior steward Ashley Marti are watching the waves with suspicion. It was like this the last time the Parsifal III dragged anchor, leading to it beaching and a deckhand being let go. Captain Glenn knows it’s not really his superyacht that’s at risk but rather the small boats around them if they go a-wandering.

The wind speed clicks up to 19 knots in no time at all; then 30 as Kelsie watches. She wakes Gary up at 4:00 am; he sees how bad it is and watches with her until 6:30. The guests roll up at 8:30, breakfast will be at 10:00 but they want snackies and coffee, course.

None of the guests slept well, the boat was rocking and banging all night. The anchor dragged badly during the night and there’s a tonne of wind to try and re-set the anchor. Watching the guests hold down the table settings is the opposite of luxurious or relaxing.

Do you think the charters get cheaper later in the season when the weather is more unpredictable? Because the last couple of charters are like this every season in every single Below Deck franchise.

There is a chain and a rope wrapped around the anchor chain; can we move the guests inside? They can’t even keep the croissants on the table!

Gary jumps on the tender on rolling seas while the stews bring more and more food to the on deck table and the music gets frantic.

Finally both anchors are out of the mud and free of chains and debris; we’re re-anchored 50 meters away and everything is calm again! Yay!

Primary Lane asks about sailing, Captain Glenn says no way. There are ten foot waves coming so that’s a hard pass. But! Primary Lane wants to do a type of relay race and that will happen with teams to decide who’s the best seamen. Who are? Oh I don’t care; I’m with Smithers, I think women and seamen don’t mix.

Jk of course they mix.

Ashley wanted to be on the team, so tells the guests that and they have to expand the team. Her boss Daisy Kelliher already asked her to stop being unprofessional with the guests; this time she’s more blunt: don’t do that. Does Ashley realise she looks like a six year old complaining about getting her way? I swear, even her body language has devolved to Kindergarten level right now.

Daisy herself messes up by not telling Marcos that he has Captain Glenn to feed with the guests tonight; that would be no big deal in a family style situation but not in the exquisitely detailed molecular gastronomy spread Marcos is putting on this evening.

So we’ve got the crew dressed in white as the ‘Navy’ and the guests dressed in black as the ‘Pirates’ talking in Rrrrrs.

I’m growing increasing embarrassed for claiming these as countrymen.

No, I mean, it’s all in fun, sure.

The relay race is fun, First Engineer Colin MacRae and Kelsie are first to give the other team a big lead; then Ashley almost sinks them while trash-talking deckhand and sailing instructor Barnaby Birkbent. But they pulled it off, the crew is declared the Best Seamen!

I mean, I think that was the designation but.

Supper time! These guests love a good meal but they’re very excited that Marco is the artist he is. The first course is Balsamic Pearls and Burrata on Gelatin ‘Tomato’ which looks like a messy plate with one tomato slice but you know it took HOURS.

Marcos falls at the top of the stairs but saves the integrity of the plate. THAT’S a chef.

Course two is Prosciutto Y Melone with Melon ‘Caviar’ and Carpaccio ‘Cucumber’ which earns him a rating of ‘alien’ but not in the illegal sense, rather that he came from somewhere light years away.

I don’t know how to interpret all the food in quotations; why would Chipotle ‘Foam’ with Scalloped Potatoes and Poached Butternut Squash need…fake foam? They’re SO LUCKY they got the one yacht chef ever with experience in molecular gastronomy.

These are a particular type of guest; Primary Lane asks the crew for hurricanes. Do you know what those are? It’s when you take a shot, someone throws water in your face and then slaps you. The guests want these. To be done to them. By people they’re paying.

I’m pretty sure that’s the textbook definition of a masochist but who uses textbooks any more?

Daisy does one guest, Scarlett does Primary Lane, now I want to give someone a Hurricane!!

Ashley really clobbers Romeo, Kelsie does not too bad with hers, that all looks awful! AWFULLY AWESOME.

These guests are actually awesome, though, so chill and nice to each other. They head to bed right after supper.

Gary takes Scarlett aside on the flybridge while she’s supposed to be helping with cleanup; Scarlett is not jazzed about leaving work undone and tells Gary they’ll talk after. Ashley sees what’s going on and tattles to Daisy, who goes and gets Scarlett.

Gary comes back to bug Scarlett after midnight while she’s working, waking up Daisy and just generally not caring that he’s jeopardizing Scarlett’s working relationship with literally everyone she works with.

The next morning is chill and beautiful and there is no wind for sailing. It appears that there is only All the Wind or None of the Wind so Captain Glenn thinks they’ll just stay there for a couple more days instead of heading back into dock.

Because there must be a firm line dividing All and None of the Wind and the dock is on the other side of it.

Lots of hugs goodbye and a huge tip envelope later I am thinking Marcos is going to be the breakout star of Below Deck Sailing Yacht season three!

Now show us the tip, I said enough other words. Finally the saloon! (Is it a salon or saloon and I feel like one should have cowboy hats) where Captain Glenn talks about how awesome that charter was and should mention how Marcos saved the tip fo SHO.

The tip is $23,000, the biggest tip of the season and of course it’s from the nicest charter wooooooo! That means $2555.00 each!

Only one more charter woooooo! That’s the good news but the bad news is that it starts the following day at noon. Oh thank god that means there’s no time for another crew night out and my liver can relax its sympathy cringing.

That’s less that 24 hours to turn over the boat; Captain Glenn has arranged for a nice restaurant to come cater the crew supper, yay! Marcos finally gets a break.

Daisy takes Ashley aside to tell her to can the whining, okay??

Holy shite and we’re already having a Preference Sheet Meeting just minutes after a Tip Meeting, is it my birthday??? Who’s coming on board? There are co-Primaries this time, we’ve got Laura Daly and Matt Zimmermann from Santa Monica along with their friends Allegra Gray and Gabe who are going to get married!  Yes, married! By Captain Glenn!

I used to hate weddings but it turns out I was almost right.

There’s also an astrological rave which is a thing. And a three tiered wedding cake that is gluten and dairy free. Have fun, Marcos! So many challenges for our fantastic chef, he’s hit a wall and needs his space. He tells Daisy he doesn’t want to talk, leave him alone while he plans for the cake/dinner.

He breaks down while talking to Daisy later on the swim-platform, he’s at his limit and there’s just no time to regroup. The guests are coming the following day. He’s not a magician, he’s a human drowning. You can do it, Marcos, you got this and you can order the stuff you need, just watch! People will help you and you’re awesome and you’re head and shoulders above so many chefs we’ve seen, please: you’re amazing. Know that.

Until next time! Cheers!