Hi and welcome back to our superyacht on Below Deck Mediterranean where people are high strung, demanding, drunk all the time, mentally unstable and that's just the people who work there! I've been on vacation and it was GLORIOUS so I feel fully ready to harness all my inner compassion for our confuddled and aggressive crewmates. Rolling into Below Deck Med S6:E06 The Morning After after the break!

We open where we left off, with very intoxicated second steward Lexi Wilson calling every single person aship the Lady Michelle a kiss-ass and pushing deckhand Mzi 'Zee" Dempers to prove her point about how fake bosun Malia White actually is.

*To be fair, we've all been at this rowdy stage of drunk, Malia's has only reached belligerence so she's using her presence to taunt Lexi instead of de-escalating and going to bed.

Deckhand David Pascoe jumps in after Lexi shoves Zee, then leads Zee off to bed because no good can come of prolonging this night or encounter. No.good.

Lexi's boss Katie Flood is trynna enjoy a cuppa tea when Lexi goes after her next, telling her to fire her, she has more money than EVERYONE. (Katie to fire Lexi, if that's confusing)

Katie is probably going to fire Lexi.

What's really weird and probably editing is that Captain Sandy Yawn has snored through this entire set of evening shenanigans, including chef Mathew Shea drunkenly and loudly quitting after drinking an entire bottle of rosé at dinner.

Malia drops her tough act and ends up crying in the hallway, comforted by Katie. Lexi opened up to Malia about her dad dying (which is what Lexi is really dealing with plus alcohol) and now she's just being literally the worst to Malia, why? Why target Malia? That didn't make sense at all.

David tries to manage himself around Lexi, but she is also crossing boundaries again, rubbing her body on his as he tries to return Zee to his room after Zee peeked out to defend deckhands. Lexi also rubbed her breasts on deckhand Lloyd Spencer very much against his will earlier, it's not funny. To all of you who think it's not sexual assault, swap it out for a penis. Rubbing your bathing suit parts on someone without their consent equals assault, whether it's your johnson or an expensive pair of tatas.

Sleeping arrangements are sorted, Malia in with the deck crew and David would like to know once and for all: where is Mat?? He carefully wrapped up his extremely expensive knives in a cotton dish towel, which he appears to have left in his hurry to get out before everyone returned from their night out.

I should mention that the reason he was so mad at dinner was that the female crew members kept asking him over and over to STOP.TALKING.ABOUT.SEX.PARTIES. he had attended.

Plus a full bottle of wine.

It's quiet the next morning at 8:00 am; they have a charter in a day plus, how will they sort out staffing? Lexi is the first to greet Captain Sandy, telling her there was an argument, she said some stuff, everyone else said some stuff.

I seeeeeeee.

More good news awaits Captain Sandy below; chief engineer Marten lets her know Mat's gone. She feels about it the same way I do.

Why didn't anyone tell her??

Lexi isn't speaking to anyone and that includes any kind of apology; I've never seen her move so fast as her sprinting through the crew mess trying to avoid all eye contact with anyone she called a kiss-ass the night before.

Which is everyone but third steward Courtney Veale who slept through pretty much all of it after passing out.

Katie's gotta fill Captain Sandy in fully on the situation but while she is, Lexi bursts in to talk to Captain Sandy. Bravo played it like she was overhearing something bad about herself, but Katie is her boss and she's reporting on an employee who is most likely going to be fired. This is not gossiping, this is human resources and Lexi should NOT have interrupted. Captain Sandy invites her in, though, and upon hearing what was going on says they'll have to have a crew meeting.

She's not fussed about this at all, she has a missing chef in the middle of Croatia. AGAIN. And we're only two charters in!

The crew meeting is Lexi being defensive and denying she said anything bad to anyone, then ends with her storming out to cry alone in her bathroom. Courtney does try to comfort her, but Lexi is an island. An embarrassed, lonely island.

Captain Sandy checks with her recruiter; two more days until she has a chef! She just needs to get through one day...but can she? The meal cooked by the crew was, how did it go...

Terrible, that was it.

Oooh lookit the beautiful big brown eyes on Chef Luka!

Let's speed this timeline up!

David wasn't focused on Lexi and her meltdown at all at the beginning of the evening, he was trying to figure out if Malia was open to dating him. Good on him for asking, not just wondering! It didn't go exactly as planned, his whispering that question into Malia's ear was what seemed to kick Lexi into high gear so he never really got an answer.

Oh hey, here's Mathew Shea back with more apologies. I would like him to cook for one day, then have his ass put on a tender and sent far, far away. He apologizes to Zee, completely unaware that his flounce was eclipsed by Lexi's full on satanic panic.

Captain Sandy listens to Mat, but really, what can he say? He can't flip out and walk off every time he gets upset. At least he takes responsibility for his actions, although he doesn't really remember much either. She gently tells him that she has a chef already.

He agrees to help out with this last charter for one day, accepting that he will be fired after. That's a classy move, but I have my doubts as to whether he actually WILL help. Mathew has a history on this show of agreeing to things then changing his mind when he thinks about it a bit. Crew lunch? Crew supper!

He makes the rounds apologizing for his behaviour, hilariously to Lexi who tries to jump on his Let's Turn The Page movement, but I don't think things are going to be quite as easy for everyone else to forget.

*I've made it this far in the season without mentioning one of my very favourite chefs from the Below Deck franchise but can go no longer. This situation reminds me so much of when Captain Sandy fired awesome chef Hindrigo 'Kiko' Lorran, he also had to work out a charter with an axe hanging over his head. Just because of that one awful meal that the guests LOVED, by the way. Boooo.

Okay, onward. Captain Sandy calls Katie, Malia and Mat to the crew mess for a Preference Sheet Meeting for our upcoming charter, I can't even get excited about it with all this heavy shite going on!

Fine, joining us is success coach Athena Lucene who has organized an entrepreneurial retreat for clients...wait for it...Jackenson 'Jackpot' Verdul, brother Jivenson 'Jiv' Verdul and Alonzo Guillaume. Jackeson and Jiveson. Someone named their children Jackeson and Jiveson and you can't get much better than that, folks.

Rounding out our group are Jynell Paulino and Jeanne Canigiani and someone named Brook LastNameUnheard.

Green, gold black and silver are theme colours for dessert, one night has two cakes even! Mat looks thrilled.

Lexi follows up her non-apologies to everyone by fighting with Malia, this just isn't going to end well. Mat grapples with how he was just an appetizer in the shitstorm buffet, he really thought today was going to be all about him!

Lexi interrupts Malia and Katie talking, she whines about wanting a shower then walks away complaining about working with "b***hes", she loves working with men!

I feel I can speak for every man on this boat: they do not love working with your toxic arse.

Katie finds Lexi in the galley and tries to talk to her again; Lexi just does not remember what she did and refuses to listen to anyone telling her what she did, she's moved past it. When Katie tries to explain, Lexi pulls out her phone and calls her mom: she's quitting right now, so shut up, Katie.

Katie goes to her cabin in tears, dealing with someone this angry, this irrational and this self-destructive is upsetting and draining. Meanwhile, Lexi complains to her 'Mommy' that she will not be treated like a child, as she begs her to understand why she's quitting. Her mom tells her to stay, but that's a burned bridge, y'all. GTFO, Lexi, don't let the door hit you on your perfect arse on the way out.

Lexi telling her mom she can just get right with God by praying for forgiveness while still perpetuating the same shite pretty much sums up the modern view of religion, yes?

I fucking hate every single thing Captain Sandy says to Katie the next morning about giving Lexi another chance. Investing and not dismissing. Katie is a good leader. Maybe slightly inexperienced in her emotional response to Lexi's horribleness, but essentially a good manager. She's not up to this particular task, however, she needs Captain Sandy's support, who doesn't realise what Katie is up against.

Katie moves Lexi in with herself to save the rest of the crew, I don't know if phrasing it exactly like that is helpful...but emotions are running high. She takes Lexi aside for a chat and manages a decent conversation, eliciting our first actual apology from Lexi. They hug it out, maybe they can finish this charter season without ever drinking together as a group ever again.

Before you know it, we've got our 30 minute call for dress whites and we're gonna meet our new guests! Hi Primary Athena, Jackeson and Jiveson!

I kind of love that Primary Athena introduces her fellow guests by their company names, they're on a business retreat after all! I would have included their company names but she said them super fast.

These guys seem fun!

Boat Tourrrrrr!! Hey, I don't think we saw the VIP cabin yet, did we? Here it is:

Ohhh Jackeson already said 'vibe'; DRINK!

A smooth undocking (apparently this is actually a word!) later, we're in the ocean with happy guests and much champagne.

The success coach constantly demands reassurance / props that she's giving her clients a good experience, hm.

We quickly run through the quotidian tasks of starting a new charter; Lexi is dispatched to keep Primary Athena's champagne glass full and Courtney starts a buttload of laundry. Interesting that both she and Lexi view laundry only as punishment, as Courtney vaguely wonders aloud about why she's not on service again after everything Lexi's done. And she had to switch cabins and everything!

Mat's final lunch is served while the deck crew sets up water toys; everything gets more and more sophisticated every season, doesn't it? I remember a few jetskis and maybe one or two of those motorized dolphin thingies in season one, right? Maybe a floatie?

Malia grabs Lexi for a hug and Let's Turn the Page talk, she's been there! She wouldn't want anyone to judge her based on one night either!

Okay.

One night, one day and a 10 year old Burn List.

Primary Athena steps into the galley to discuss meal planning with Chef Mat; not everyone is open to the squid. She is open to calamari-style squid, but only the rings, Croatian style but mixed, some scallops perhaps but surprise her.

Um.

What about any of that demonstrates a woman who is open to and welcoming of surprises?

The crew tucks away the toys and slide as the guests enjoy the end of their first day of charter. It's one of my favourite things about all the Below Decks, how they show the contrast between working a charter and enjoying one but it's affected how I'd feel about any fancy vacation. I'd just feel bad the whole time that a deckhand weighing a buck-ten had to drag my suitcase down two twisty flights of stairs in 110 degree heat, you know?

It's so chill on board, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Okay, here we go! Dinner is at 8:30 but two guests don't make it to the table by then. At 8:47, an irate Primary Athena makes her way to the galley where Mat is plating the squid on polenta. I don't know why you would insist on being served when not everyone is at the table? And is 17 minutes late really 'running behind'? I dunno, man, but I know hangry when I see it, get that food on the table, Mat and Katie!

We're out! Next week looks like a grab bag of crappy cakes and more partying, I can't be the only one hoping Lexi sits that one out. Until next time! Cheers